“You can’t just pick the rainbows and unicorns without experiencing the rain and unicorn poo.”
-Stuart Danker, “Don’t Tell Me You Don’t Think These Thoughts When You Write“
Friday Photo
Egg shortages meant a closer egg-samination of the refrigerator cases…
Otherwise, I’d have missed an excellent run pun.
©2022 Chel Owens
All We Ever Get is Calories
I’ve been dieting lately.
I find it no funny coincidence that dieting sounds so much like dying, because I’ve not been able to indulge in my unhealthy eating habits for -eight- -whole- -weeks-.
This dy -eting has been part of a challenge: I, along with several other participants, have solemnly sworn to drink 64 oz. of water, eat 2 fruits and 3 vegetables, not consume sugar, exercise 5/7 days of the week, keep a food journal, contact a teammate daily, and whine about my lack of energy at least 3 times a day.
And that’s why I want to hear about dessert.
No, really. The upside of this diet is one ‘cheat’ day a week where I get to eat sugar. Two weeks ago, I made chocolate chip cookies and peanut butter bars to celebrate. Last week, I opted for an oatmeal fruit bar -because I love oats.
I also love chocolate lava cake, cream puffs, éclairs, fresh fruit pies, pistachio ice cream, Tagalongs, Symphony bars with toffee bits, Costco’s macadamia clusters, rich chocolate, crullers, and …maybe I should go to bed instead of making myself salivate.
In the meantime, what are some of your favorite treats? If you could eat sugar for just one day a week, which dessert would you indulge in?
©2022 Chel Owens
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Here’s what I wrote for the last …weeks:
Wednesday, April 27: We talked about how we want to be remembered.
Thursday, April 28ish: Announced the winner of the Terrible Poetry Contest, Geoff Le Pard!
Sunday, May 1: Shared a quote by Alice Walker.
Thursday, May 5: Announced the latest Terrible Poetry Contest. THERE’S STILL TIME TO ENTER! IT’LL BE FUN!
Friday, May 6: Friday Photo of a funny play on wives words.
Sunday, May 8: Quoted C. S. Lewis for Mother’s Day, then wrote a poem about the dang holiday.
Monday, May 9: Mormon Monday! Families are so so so so so important.
Friday, May 13: It’s Friday Photo day down at the tire shop!
Sunday, May 15: Quote by David O. McKay.
And, a really beautiful knock-off of “Bad Habits.”
Monday, May 16ish: I’m a Mormon, so I’m not inked and holed.
Tuesday, May 17ish: Answered Charli’s prompt to rewrite her story in 99 words.
©2022 Chel Owens
The Measure of a Man’s Best Friend
The Greyhound halted. This was where $200 took James. He disembarked, shouldered his prison-issued backpack, and read the station’s name: Kum & Go.
“Here to rob it?”
James swung to see a man by a pickup; opened his mouth, then shut it. The man had no legs. The truck had a dog.
-But not just any dog. “Buttercup!”
The yellow lab hurtled out and licked him, desisting at her master’s call. James had trained her in prison, as a service animal for a wounded soldier.
James looked up, and both men saw each other -clearly- for the first time.
©2022 Chel Owens
Oh my goodness, Charli! Don’t ever make me do that, again! -I mean, This was written in response to Charli’s prompt at Carrot Ranch:
May 16, 2022, prompt: In 99 words (no more, no less), write a story about when a newly released prisoner meets the disabled veteran who adopted the puppy the prisoner trained behind bars. The prompt is based on the short story I wrote for Marsha Ingrao’s Story Chat. Yes, rewrite my story in your words, 99, no more, no less. Go where the prompt leads!
- Submit by May 21, 2022. If you want to be published in the weekly collection, please use the form. The Collection publishes on the Wednesday following the next Challenge. Rules & Guidelines.
- Carrot Ranch only accepts stories through the form [on the site]. Accepted stories will be published in a weekly collection. Writers retain all copyrights.
- Your blog or social media link will be included in your title when the Collection publishes.
- Please include your byline which is the name or persona you attribute to your writing.
- Please include the hashtag #99Word Stories when sharing either the Challenge or Collection posts in social media.
I’m a Mormon, So…
I’m a Mormon, so I don’t have any tattoos or excessive body piercings.
Our bodies -everyone’s- are created in the image of our heavenly father. Our bodies house the spirit that makes us a child of God. As such, we’ve been asked to keep ourselves clean in many ways: avoiding alcohol or recreational drugs, keeping to healthy habits, maintaining an appropriate sexual purity, and ensuring our bodies are free from permanent inking or extra piercings.
An appropriate number of body piercings has been defined as one pair of earrings, in the lobe of each ear, for females. Naturally, a person may have preexisting tattoos or holes; he or she is not expected to pay out to remove these. Everyone is expected to honor his or her covenants to Heavenly Father to keep him- or herself clean, as outlined, moving forward.
©2022 Chel Owens
……
We Mormons are officially members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and are to drop any name but that. Since many recognize the nickname of ‘Mormon’ and it works with the alliteration so well, however, I will use the term.
My other note is that I will keep to official doctrinal practices. I will add my own application of them, especially in response to comments.
My final note is that I LOVE discussing anything I write. Don’t be rude, obviously, but any and all queries or responses are welcome.
My final note beyond the final note is that I do not seek to convert anyone. I am motivated by forming connections, answering curiosity, and straightening pictures. So, you’re safe.
Not That Bad of a Habit, Surely… Not That Terrible of a Poetry Parody
Every time you come around, you know I can’t say no
Every time I see that brown, I want you to console.
I open up my eyes (and mouth); my diet plan explodes
But all -night- -I- -taste- something won-der-ful…
Candy jackets lead to
Closets, hiding alone
Whispered nothings to a Snicker’s, or Toblerone.
Swearin’ I won’t eat one more; we know how that’ll go
I can’t help it with these blues; no booze; I chews
My bad(?) habit
Means I’m passed out, red in the face
And we know I’ve lost control of the size of my waist
I was lookin’ to eat well …but I’ve got canapés
I shouldn’t eat it after nine, I whine
I’m fine, my choc’late habit is all mine….
Ooh-eye, ooh-eye
My choc’late habit is all mine
Ooh-eye, ooh-eye
This bad(?) habit is just fine.
©2022 Chel Owens
I’m sure Geoff said we were supposed to take the first line of any sort of poetic piece, right? Like, a song; right? …I’m doubly sure you can do better for this round of Terrible Poetry. Go ahead!
“It is easy enough to do right when in good company, but it is not easy to defend the right when the majority of the crowd are opposing it; and yet, that is the time to show true courage.”
Friday Photo
Well? What sort of décor did you expect in a tire shop?
This lovely piece can be viewed at your local Burt Brothers -if you’re in Utah.
©2022 Chel Owens
I’m a Mormon, So…
I’m a Mormon, so I support families and family life.
Families are central to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. We’re taught their importance from a very young age; the expectation is that everyone will try to marry (and be sealed in the temple) and raise his or her own children in a righteous environment. In the end, we have the chance to be together forever.
The Lord has designated the family to be the basic unit of the Church and of society. As used in the scriptures, a family consists of a husband and wife, children, and sometimes other relatives living in the same house or under one family head. A family can also be a single person living alone, a single parent with children, or a husband and wife without children.
LDS Gospel Topics, “Family”
…God organizes us into families so that we can experience happiness and learn patience and selflessness. These traits help us become more like God and prepare us to live happily as families throughout eternity.
This emphasis also sets up a pattern of patriarchy: the father is responsible for presiding over his family and providing for and protecting them. The mother is primarily a nurturer.
Marriage is between a man and a woman.
Children are only to be born to a married couple -as in, the couple needs to be married before making babies.
Permanent birth control measures are discouraged.
Connecting with one’s family is also tantamount, and will be discussed when I write about family history and temple work.
The way Kevin and I have been able to live this life is by his being the main breadwinner while I stay home and write blog posts. We have six boys so far, and are raising them with the expectation that they will marry and care for their own families one day.
©2022 Chel Owens
……
We Mormons are officially members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and are to drop any name but that. Since many still run with the nickname of ‘Mormon,’ however, I will keep pace.
My other note is that I will keep to official doctrinal practices. I will add my own application of them, especially in response to comments.
My final note is that I LOVE discussing anything I write. Don’t be rude, obviously, but any and all queries or responses are welcome.
My final note beyond the final note is that I do not seek to convert anyone. I ought to, but am motivated by forming connections, answering curiosity, and straightening pictures. So, you’re safe.
Mother, May I
Mother, may I touch your face
pull your hair
and leave my handprint on your leg
So, when you left the grocery store with
50 lbs from every finger,
you wondered why
-midst Mother’s Day bouquets-
you saw a suppressed chuckle,
a knowing smile, nod –
telling you they knew
that someone very special
loves you.
©2022 Chel Owens
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