The Eye of the Beholder

Good day, fellow art-lovers. On this fine morning, as you are all well aware, we gather to consider the latest artistic offerings one might find in his local market. Our pieces this day are all found in a curious shop named KSL Classifieds.

Without further ado, then, ladies and gentlemen, let us begin.

Our first sample is titled “Orange.”


Yes, yes it is. ‘Twould seem the artist felt no other explanation was necessary, and the seller as well. For $45, this… erm, orange, may be yours for the picking. (So sorry; it was too tempting.)


If obvious statements are your cachet, then our second item (for a mere $10) will leave you feeling …fabulous.


No, madame, I will not pronounce it as written. Anyone who cannot spell, nor include a photograph instead of a screen shot deserves to be shot. What’s that, sir? No, no. I was simply mumbling about the weather. Terribly hot day, this.


Of course, we are not simply purveyors of paltry paintings at this establishment. Those who wish to open their pocketbooks slightly wider may appreciate an original …print of an artwork, crafted by a man known as The Painter of Light.


I can’t help but feel the vendor did little to forward that reputation, by want of a clear lens for photographing. Ah, well, perhaps you may all picture its beauty, and thereby feel compelled to pay the $250 price tag.


Although I have studied and promoted creative works for many years, I’ll admit that some popular items still elude my personal preferences. Therefore, if any here express interest in Colombian paintings for their bathroom (as suggested by the seller), I’ll do my best to back them up.


I’d say to move quickly on this $135 oil painting, but I imagine she’s not going anywhere in a hurry.


Our organizers thought this wall “art” might do well to follow the woman at her toilette; I can’t imagine why.



But really, what better place to rid oneself of an entire paycheck than on secondhand art? Take this print, for example, at $300:


“(B)eautifully framed urn artwork in pristine condition” advertises the owner. I agree. Tai Pan Trading did an excellent job purchasing framed and glassed-in Chinese merchandise, selling them to willing buyers, then closing down once said buyers could pick up their own through Amazon dealers.


Esteemed collectors such as you fine people know the value of a good piece. You know, for example, that a Renoit or Rembrandt is worth its sticker -provided one may prove its authenticity.

Therefore, you also know that a piece by an up-and-coming artist no one has heard of (and a name the vendor himself will not list) is most certainly worth $7,000.


Since it is also un-titled, we will refer it is as Bird Merchant with an Extra Hand in the Shadow of Random Nudity. Don’t be shy, now; step up and part with the minor sum post-haste.


All you fine patrons who have held out for true genius, this final artwork will not disappoint:


Twenty-five dollars, ladies and gentlemen. Twenty-five United States currency is all that separates you from artistic perfection.


As our session draws to a close, I wish to thank you all for your kind patronage and generous manner. Please feel free to join us in future, whenever we may have material enough to promote once again.

16 thoughts on “The Eye of the Beholder

  1. total gems, how did i miss them first time round. Bit worried about the Colombian bathroom room user. The dimension of the toilet against those of the user suggest there could be consequences… I worry about these things…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You are in good company, sir. Other patrons have expressed concerns regarding the woman’s …er.. porportions.
      As I suggested, such a mental fixation may work in your favor in entertaining bathroom guests.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I quite like the Columbian bathroom pic, but a) wouldn’t want it in my house and b) wouldn’t pay more than a tenner for it. My main concern, however, is the fact that her bum would never fit in that bath or on that toilet seat. The size mis-match would do my nut in if I looked at it every day! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. But sir, naturally you realize the merit of a) provocative conversation-starters b) the value of (in)decent artwork and c)the necessity of ‘doing your nut in’ if a toilet-user, by necessity, were to be detained for rather a lengthy period within the bathroom.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I think my company would buy most of these. They (though supposedly art experts with an extensive collection) seem to have an affinity for this sort of thing. We have one on our walls at work that looks for all the world like a man taking a literal blood bath. Another has been ‘fondly’ dubbed by staff as “Descending into Hell” (since that’s what it looks like the people in it are doing). Yep, they’d love this stuff. I’ll point them in your direction. Maybe they want to make some new purchases for our new office location…

    And maybe I’ll need some blinders to go with the noise-cancelling headphones I’ll be buying…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well, as they say, “To each his own.” Or, perhaps I was thinking more on the, “One man’s trash…” adage.
      Regardless, we offer these artworks gladly to your -ahem- discerning managerial staff.


  4. I love the playful way you took us on this tour: my two favourites: the Columbian painting —- I’ve always had a soft spot for these out of proportion paintings — and the Twilight print. I loved the films and the soundtrack

    Liked by 1 person

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