WINNER of the First Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest

Before you scroll down to see if you’re on the list-


I just wanted to say that you are all terrible at terrible poetry. Seriously.

Like, you actually have meter, and rhyming, and it all makes sense. Some of you need to go back to a high school poetry class and learn some more unnecessary emo and angst.

Given that, you all lose. Try again next week.

Okay, okay. Really, though, I had a difficult time choosing. Given the prompt and parameters, I tried to pick who I thought seemed to be trying to consider thinking about the possibility of imagining a terrible way to construct a poem.



Elective Sugary

By Bladud Fleas

I know you can’t cure dyslexia with a knife.
So why, you ask, am I lying here?
About to go under and risk life,
T’was for something I hold much more dear:
It’s chocolate! and candy! and cake!
Well, anyone can make a mistake!

Whenever I have entered writing contests, I agonize over why didn’t I win? I understand that contest hosts/hostesses often get a whole pile of crap and then don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings by pointing out the obvious.

No, that wasn’t the case here, and isn’t the case where my writing submissions are concerned (I hope). I’m just rambling. I also want to be certain I tell the winner why I picked his or hers every week.

So… I want Bladud Fleas to know that I picked his because I got confused reading it. And I appreciated his clever misspelling of ‘surgery’ to go along with the bit about dyslexia. It’s a bit too pretty, as I mentioned earlier, but well done and all that. 🙂

Everyone else: go visit Bladud‘s site. He’s way too underappreciated by the internet. And, read the other entries below. They are listed by order of submission, not preference.

You are all very, very clever poets. Shame on you.

Elective surgery

By Bruce Goodman

I hop to God no one has to go through what I went through:
having a leg cut off.
And having both arms surgically removed might look ‘armless
but I’m not applauding.
I don’t see why it was necessary to remove both eyes
when one was already blind.
All I asked the plastic surgeon for my elective surgery was to
“Make me like a painting.”
I never meant Picasso.


Elective Surgery

By Bladud Fleas

“Two men to push a gurney?”
Enquired the recumbent Ernie
Only one to push him back,
And another with his bits in a sack.


Untitled piece by D. Avery

I decided to have my nose removed to spite my face
Now had to decide on just the right place
To have this delicate procedure done
that my nose might smell but never run
This must be the place, everyone dressed in white
but then those cleavers gave me a fright
These weren’t doctors, they were butchers of meat
And it was too late for me to retreat
There went my nose, thrown into a pile
And then my lips, with a bloody smile
One by one I wholly became parts
It is true to say that I had lost heart.


Boob Job

By Karen

I always knew I’d go under the knife
For a bigger chest, it was worth the strife
My meagre A cups are not what I want
But something much bigger that I can flaunt
Should I stop at a D or maybe an F
Or go even larger and really impress?


Untitled piece by Jon

Nip, tuck
Trust to luck
mirror says yuck
Nip, tuck
try it again?
third time’s the charm?
what’s the harm?
mirror’s alarmed

Thank you so much to everyone for playing along! Come back tomorrow for next week’s prompt!


15 thoughts on “WINNER of the First Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest

  1. Bruce Goodman November 16, 2018 / 3:53 pm

    Although I congratulate Bladud Fleas on writing such a pathetic piece, I am aggrieved. This is not the first poetry competition that I haven’t won, and the fact that I lost to Bladud Fleas on a Terrible Poetry writing competition means that my poem is worse than his. So there! And yes! I am a sore loser. I shall enter next week’s competition – that is a threat. And “mistake” doesn’t rhyme with “cake”.

    Liked by 1 person

      • Bruce Goodman November 16, 2018 / 3:57 pm

        Yes – “sour grapes” rhymes with “cake” – and I can have my sour grapes and eat them.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Chelsea Owens November 16, 2018 / 4:03 pm

          😀 I forgot to ask you, too: did you want that ‘hop’ in your poem to be ‘hope?’

          Liked by 1 person

              • Bruce Goodman November 16, 2018 / 6:16 pm

                That’s true – every competition I’ve ever entered the judges have shown a great deal of incompetence.

                Liked by 1 person

                • Chelsea Owens November 16, 2018 / 6:17 pm

                  😀 I don’t know… How does one LOSE a terrible poetry contest?

                  Liked by 1 person

                • Bruce Goodman November 16, 2018 / 7:46 pm

                  As you would know, Chelsea, we clever people find it difficult to descend to the level of doggerel.

                  Liked by 1 person

  2. Bladud Fleas November 17, 2018 / 9:13 am

    Where’s my prize!

    Ah, I’ve only just come to this on account of having a stressful week. It’s so rare for me to win anything, I take this humbly as a real honour. I’d like to thank my wife, my mum and dad, great aunty Ethel, the smiley girl at the bottom of our road, my cat, Spot, PM Teresa May, Liz 2…….

    Liked by 1 person

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