FREE Contest: Third Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest

Good Saturday morning, everyone. I hope your Thanksgiving went well (if you are in America) or that you at least enjoyed all the food items that were on sale.

Today I’d like to give a brief lecture about haiku. When I was in elementary school, we were told that a haiku was three lines of poetry with a distinct syllable pattern: 5-7-5. I had to laugh at Google’s definition because it listed that syllable rule as the first definition; then, for the second, ‘an English imitation of this.’

People murder haiku all the time because it is not simply a matter of syllables. It needs a feeling, ‘cutting’ (kiru), and a season reference (kigo) often pulled from a list (saijiki) as well. Heck -the syllable thing is more of a pattern of on and may even have 11 total. Thank you, Wikipedia, for setting us straight.

Given that, and the fact that people completely fail to pull these elements into haiku, this next week’s contest ought to be simplisticly easy for everyone to ‘win’ at.

If you still need some pointers on what ‘terrible’ means, read my wonderful blog post, How To Write Terrible Poetry, and dive right in:

  1. The topic is falling snow.
  2. All poems submitted need to be haiku. Let’s keep it awful and insist on 5-7-5 English syllables (yes, I really want you to follow this rule).
  3. Haiku traditionally does not rhyme, but you can make us all scream if you insist it does.
  4. And remember: the poem needs to be terrible. Japanese poet-masters who understand English ought to be rolling in their graves, digging themselves out by their fingernails, and coming to wag a zombie-like scolding finger at you in your sleep.
  5. Keep it PG-Rated.

Think you can do it? You have till 8:00 a.m. MST next Friday (November 30, 2018) to submit.

Post your poem or the specific link to it in the comments.

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18 thoughts on “FREE Contest: Third Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest

  1. Bruce Goodman November 24, 2018 / 12:44 pm

    Darn – I had already written my haiku before knowing what the topic was (just to be extra terrible) and now it’s ruined. I shall have to start again. 😦

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Bruce Goodman November 24, 2018 / 3:39 pm

    It’s snowing on the eucalypts aka gums

    Snow is falling down
    like toothpaste on a toothbrush.
    Shame I have no teeth.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Bruce Goodman November 24, 2018 / 4:56 pm

    Appalling falling snowflakes

    The falling snow’s a
    floccinaucinihili-
    pilification.

    It is all fluffy;
    soft as the down on a dead
    duckling that’s all stiff.

    We made a snowman
    and used our frozen dead cat
    for the snowman’s hat.

    We used grandma’s skull
    for our snowman’s head; the same
    for Autumn’s scarecrow.

    She has a skull for
    all seasons, has dead granny.
    (We took the brains out).

    In Spring it sprouts seeds,
    and in Summer we use it
    for a cricket ball.

    Fa la la la la
    Appalling falling snowflakes
    Fa la la la la.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Jon November 24, 2018 / 8:15 pm

    They Scold:

    Cold are the undead
    The flakey white stuff is snow
    falling on zombies

    Liked by 1 person

  5. TanGental November 28, 2018 / 3:23 pm

    why does snow always fall?
    it never stumbles and rights itself
    before moving on

    Liked by 2 people

  6. FRANKLY November 29, 2018 / 11:14 am

    FALLING SNOW

    Ugly miry wet
    Embalming souls with icebergs
    To die frozenly

    Liked by 1 person

  7. babbitman November 30, 2018 / 5:09 am

    SNOWY NOSE

    White stuff, look at it;
    it’s all over the place but
    it ain’t cocaine, mate

    Liked by 2 people

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