Oh, my freakin’ hailstones! I haven’t laughed this much since the last time I was able to watch a comedy without children interrupting. So -yeah, years.
You guys did SO WELL writing terrible haiku! Please believe me that the winner was a really really really really really tough decision.
And it was:
Appalling falling snowflakes
The falling snow’s a
floccinaucinihili-
pilification.
Bruce actually wrote eight entries for this contest. Be sure to read the rest of his stanzas that follow this one (below). Bruce has entered every contest so far, but his poems were just too good to win.
Congratulations, at last, Bruce. You really made me cringe -especially because I had to count syllables for floccinaucinihilipilification. This is, in fact, a word. It means ‘the action or habit of estimating something as worthless.’ Touché.
Bruce Goodman is The Most Terrible Poet of the Week.
For the rest of you: wow. If I could award prizes after first place, I wouldn’t even go that far down. I wanted to award 1.1 place and 1.2 place and such; the terribleness was that close of a contest! I just loved the terrible adjectives; the horrible descriptors; and the no-good, very bad subject matters.
For your reading pleasure, then, here are the close contenders in order of when they were submitted:
It’s snowing on the eucalypts aka gums
Snow is falling down
like toothpaste on a toothbrush.
Shame I have no teeth.
—–
Falling Snow
The falling snow is
Falling and falling and down
Fifty miles an hour
—–
Appalling falling snowflakes
The falling snow’s a
floccinaucinihili-
pilification.
It is all fluffy;
soft as the down on a dead
duckling that’s all stiff.
We made a snowman
and used our frozen dead cat
for the snowman’s hat.
We used grandma’s skull
for our snowman’s head; the same
for Autumn’s scarecrow.
She has a skull for
all seasons, has dead granny.
(We took the brains out).
In Spring it sprouts seeds,
and in Summer we use it
for a cricket ball.
Fa la la la la
Appalling falling snowflakes
Fa la la la la.
—–
Untitled piece
by Violet Lentz
tropical island temptress
so heartless- so cold
she wept tears of falling snow
—–
They Scold:
by Jon
Cold are the undead
The flakey white stuff is snow
falling on zombies
—–
Untitled piece
I’m watchin’ snow fall.
Snow is rain, but frozen, yup –
and it really sucks.
Untitled piece
Hope the snow keeps up.
Really? Why would you want that?
Then it won’t come down!
—–
Untitled piece
why does snow always fall?
it never stumbles and rights itself
before moving on
—–
FALLING SNOW
by FRANKLY
Ugly miry wet
Embalming souls with icebergs
To die frozenly
—–
SNOWY NOSE
by Babbitman
White stuff, look at it;
it’s all over the place but
it ain’t cocaine, mate
—–
Untitled piece
by Jessica Peterson
Come on in; boots off
Where did all my carrots go?
Go warm up your hands
Don’t be shy! Come back tomorrow and enter next week’s contest!!
Thanks for the link, and the full list of entries, What a great turn out!! Every one a stinker!!!
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Thank you for entering! I love all the terrible entries… I think.
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Thank you! Thank you, Chelsea! Despite it being a Terrible Poetry Contest (that’s Terrible-Poetry Contest and not Terrible Poetry-Contest) it is a thrill to be picked out!! I normally have a water with a squish of lemon while cooking dinner, but tonight I shall have a wine and read all the haikus out loud to the rude and scoffing multitude! Thanks again!
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Only if you have gathered your most prestigious writing peers to the reading, of course!
Good job on winning!
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There’s only one other in the household – but speaks nine languages, so it’s an audience. (I shall not translate “floccinaucinihilipilification” for them).
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It probably already has a German translation.
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!! The word floccinaucinihilipilification is too short to translate into German…
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😀 😀
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I had to follow. You have gained a fan (a cheap box fan with two speeds).
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Will my voice still sound awesome if I speak through it like Darth Vader?
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It will!….on both speeds! It does have to be turned on.
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Ah… 🙂 we’d best find you an outlet.
Have you considered writing? 😉
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Thanks, Beverly. I’m always delighted when someone comments!
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Yes -I can see you rubbing your hands in an evil fashion and cackling, Bruce. 😀
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Hee hee hee!
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Oh my goodness. These are too funny. What a riot. I love this contest, Chelsea.
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Thanks! You ought to enter …if you dare!
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I’m definitely considering it. It’s a hoot. I’m going to share, either way. What a way to brighten the day. 🙂
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Yay! The more, the terrible-ier!
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you have a real talent bringing together so much rubbish; the planet needs people like you, Chelsea. Having seen your tupperware collection, ever thought of a career in redundant plastic? PS good choice though if that is to be my word of the day I will need more teeth
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Why… thank you. I think that was a compliment. You’d have such a BPA-free collection of lunch materials if you had four children attending a school with expensive hot lunch as well, you know.
And I can’t say I’ve even attempted to pronounce Bruce’s word aloud.
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Probably very wise. You may need expensive dental work and I’d guess with four pre teens you’re saving to own your own orthodontist shortly….
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I think the orthodontist almost passed out from excitement when we all walked in…
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‘Good morning Mrs Pension-Plan.. Sorry Owens…’
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Exactly! 😥
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That’s a great contest. I wonder if you could automatically enter every poet on WordPress…
[looks around nervously] Kidding, of course…
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Tempting… I’d never get anything done on a Friday, though. 🙂
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These are so so funny! Sour grapes had me busting a gut too. Can’t wait to read next week’s submissions! Great idea Chelsea!
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Thanks! 🙂 I’m glad so much ‘talent’ is shining through.
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