Raw Ramblings

My mouth says I’m fine as my pain twists the tone and you hear it in the release sometimes you ask no really what’s wrong but I can only say

Nothing that’s all I feel by choice empty my mind my feelings most especially my soul anything that might be there has been bled dry and I am a skin of a person fluttering in the wind of others’

Change never for me every day the same drudgery-papered walls never the front of the parade nor even the front of the convoy but always the crew walking just behind to scoop the waste of others’

Happiness a dream or conciliatory statement I say to defer inquiry but I can only be happy if you are because I am the receiver of broadcast emotions buffeting my over-sensitive antennae and I really just say I am so you’ll stop asking because

It’s easier this way you’ll leave me alone and that’s where I want to be I think and yet I do not because thinking would mean I am alive and I try and try to not be alive and thinking and feeling and

Hurting so much hurting but soon I will sleep after not sleeping because here in limbo I can handle it until I can’t but the between is best and where I can numb and look up at you and say

I’m fine.

19 thoughts on “Raw Ramblings

      1. I took the Clifton Strenths Finder assessment year before last. (strengthsfinder.com) Turns out my number one characteristic is responsibility. I perceive you also may be responsible for teh elephant leavings.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. I wish I had an appropriate comment for this on an emotional level, but saying that I think it is incredible writing and powerful and personal and emotion-invoking is going to have to do. Such a tragedy that pain is the most powerful muse.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This is beautifully written, Chelsea. Full of intense emotion and a despair that is relatable. “I am the receiver of broadcast emotions buffeting my over-sensitive antennae.” Such a familiar feeling. Wishing you the best in the new year.

    Liked by 1 person

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