Good Saturday morning to you all, even if you are not necessarily reading this on a morning nor a Saturday.
Welcome to The Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest, episode Eleven.
What is terrible poetry? Please read my helpful article, “How To Write Terrible Poetry.” Lower your standards, trash your meter, near-rhyme your audience to tears, and then read the rules for this week:
- Topic: Diamond in the Rough.
- Length should be greater than 5 words but fewer than 200 words. (5<poem<200)
- Rhyme if you want. Don’t if you don’t want.
- Make it terrible.
Your dear old granny who never said anything bad about anybody (excepting for using passive-aggression, of course; bless her heart) will want to tell you not to worry; not everyone can be a poet and isn’t it good you have other talents to fall back on, Dearie? - Terrible can still be granny-approved. Keep it PG-rated.
You have till 8:00 a.m. MST next Friday (February 2, 2019) to submit a poem.
Post your poem or a link to it in the comments, or fill out the included form. I read them all and judge as impartially and blindly as I may.
Yes, I know it’s a geode. It’s the thought that counts.
A heart-felt lamentation
Quite frankly my dear I don’t give a stuff
when you say to accept you as you are:
that you are a diamond in the rough.
But enough is enough.
Tough!
I want a divorce.
When you eat your food with your mouth open…
well! that’s not being a diamond in the rough
but straight out bad manners.
I’d rather eat with my horse.
Tough!
I want a divorce.
Just because you have no legs
and have no arms and have to be spoon fed
is no reason to eat with your mouth open.
Tough!
I want a divorce.
And you can keep the wheelchair.
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I’m not sure if this is terrible or just plain cruel!! hahahaha
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It’s terribly cruel!
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I was *this close* to picking yours, Bruce. Maybe you ought to change your strategy to knocking off the competition?
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I am too full o’ the milk of human kindness
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It’s true.
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On the links
On a tee I swunged
at the moment you did cough
and sliced my diamond in the rough
many minutes we sought
and didn’t find it
but I had another one
so didn’t mind it
where is that diamond now
I now wonder
that one I lost cos of your blunder
it makes me cry I don’t know
why, it’s not a game I like
it’s a spoiled hike, I’d prefer
to ride my bike. Across the fairway
just about when you’re gonna strike.
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Well, I’m thinkin you hit your mark with this one!!!
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Ha ha, the ball hit firm and squarely. Thanks. 🙂
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This was pretty terrible, Bladud! (We need to figure out a nickname I can call you, by the way… feels to weird to shorten any of your site name.)
I liked that you dodged the typical subject and totally messed with the rhyme and meter.
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Thanks. Have you any name in mind?
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This is A-OK with my Mamaw, but I’ll leave it up to you to be the judge….. lemme know if I have to try again…..
Little Gemma Johnson
Was quite the catch, I’d heard them say
Though a little rough around the edges
She’d make a fine wife someday
Little did I know- t’was me
They’d arranged as her betroth
never having laid my eyes, on
This little diamond in the rough
The matrimonial day arrived
Our families filled the church
She lifted her veil for our first kiss
And my guts lept to a lurch
Eyes askance, under twisted brow
Nose bent off to the side somehow
Lips so thick she couldn’t pucker
I knew right then, there’s no way I could……
Whoa is me I can’t be wed
Alone is how I’ll stay in bed
She’s no diamond- rough or other
If I have to wed, I’ll take her brother!
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I submitted it, I just don’t know if it’s too risqué,,,,,,
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I always read them on Fridays, so as to stay impartial. I guess I’ll just trust you till then!
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Sounds good. I’m taking no chances this week!!
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You and another entrant used the name ‘Gemma.’ I guess because of gems? Who knows. 😀
Yours was actually too nice to win; I love the rhyme. It’s like a terrible nursery rhyme.
…Hey…. that’s a great idea! Hmmmm…
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I did use the name Gemma because of the diamond theme.. And I love that My entry was just enough off color that no one can pin it on me??? hahahahahah
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In interest of laziness, and actually some embarrassment of how awful this is, I’ll just post and submit on your other this week, I think.
—
Diamond, ouch, you’re too rough.
Diamond, ouch, cut that out.
Diamond please, stop stop stop.
Wait, that’s not what this prompt is about?
Shiny, shine, shine shine.
I’m Rihanna’s Diamond in the Sky.
Gleam.
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*on your page
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I could see Rihanna singing this.
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Lol 😂 ty
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😀 It’s perfect. Definitely one of the end-contenders.
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Shiny shine shine! 😊😊
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Oh what fun! So glad you are running this contest, Chelsea. I’ll post mine on my blog after the contest ends so I can link to the winner, but in the meantime, here it is.
Too classy to have friends.
It’s hard to be the only one
Refinded mongst the diamonds in the rough.
You say tomato,
I say tomahtopuff.
Tomahtopuff’s not a word, of course,
But I wanted things to rhyme.
You’d know that if you were in my class,
Instead of subpar subslime.
I’ve looked for others who are equal
To my decree of finesse,
But alas they’re moving parts unknown
Without a forwarding address.
You may think it’s craps
Sitting alone atop that pinochle.
But it’s not in the cards
To lower my standards.
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I can see this being read on a stage and people snapping at the end
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Haha! Snapping as in losing their mind? I hope so, since that would mean this poem is truly terrible!
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Lol that works, too. I meant snapping as in snapping the fingers into that old school poetry applause style. 😉😊😊
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Haha! I don’t think I’m familiar with that sort of snapping. Only the going around the bend sort.
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Gotcha. I think it came from the Beatnik era but I could be mistaken.
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I’m with Peregrine, you do have a bit of a beatnik tomahtopuff feel going on here… Chelsea is going to have a rough time this week sorting out the diamonds…
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Thank you! I think she will have a tough job deciding this week.
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Like Bruce, your poem was *this close* to winning. I really liked your bit about ‘tomahtopuff;’ you know I’m a sucker for made-up words. 😀
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Ahhh, to be so close and not quite make it to terrible enough! The winner must be really terrible. Can’t wait to see who won!
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Here goes…..
Diamond in the rough Rough diamond Cracking windows is tough I need a diamond One with rough edges Edges to scratch glass Glass walls that keep me out Out and not in In with the gang Gang of a thousand Thousands of diamonds that sparkle Sparkle and shine illuminating My world with possibilities Life is rough,
I mean tough
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Terribly great, Ruth! Tough competition this week!
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Oh goodness, I completely missed this one. Hopefully, I’ll be able to put an entry in today.
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Go for it!
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Ordinary
A diamond in the rough
Isn’t that tough
As he dances in the daylight
And even at night
He thinks he’s quite elegant
Ha! Like an elephant
His mannerisms aren’t too shabby
Pretty lazy like a tabby
His intellect isn’t book smarts
He’s got a gigantic heart
People think he’s quite gruff
This diamond in the rough
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Nice job Anneberly, he sounds like a guy I used to be married to.. hahahaha
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Haha, Diana Wallace Peach says she’s married to a guy like this. 😁
You two are so cute.
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I’d hate to know a guy like this! This is a terrible poem; good work!
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Thank you. 🙂
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Here is my poem.
https://michaelsfishbowl.com/2019/01/28/dont-skippy-over-me-or-ill-be-back-in-a-jif-terrible-poetry-contest/
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Thanks, Michael! Good job with winning!
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https://violetslentz.home.blog/2019/02/01/diamond-in-the-rough/
Don’t look now! But I have posted mine to my blog . Oh I liked this prompt!! Thanks so much Chelsea!
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😀 All right; I’ll look in an hour or so.
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