The Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest

Chel Owens

Good Saturday morning to you all, even if you are not necessarily reading this on a morning nor a Saturday.

Welcome to The Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest, episode Eleven.

What is terrible poetry? Please read my helpful article, “How To Write Terrible Poetry.” Lower your standards, trash your meter, near-rhyme your audience to tears, and then read the rules for this week:

  1. Topic: Diamond in the Rough.
  2. Length should be greater than 5 words but fewer than 200 words. (5<poem<200)
  3. Rhyme if you want. Don’t if you don’t want.
  4. Make it terrible.
    Your dear old granny who never said anything bad about anybody (excepting for using passive-aggression, of course; bless her heart) will want to tell you not to worry; not everyone can be a poet and isn’t it good you have other talents to fall back on, Dearie?
  5. Terrible can still be granny-approved. Keep it PG-rated.

You have till 8:00 a.m. MST next Friday (February 2, 2019) to submit a poem.

Post your poem or a link to it in the comments, or fill out the included form. I read them all and judge as impartially and blindly as I may.

Geode
Yes, I know it’s a geode. It’s the thought that counts.

51 thoughts on “The Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest”

  1. Bruce Goodman January 26, 2019 / 1:38 pm

    A heart-felt lamentation

    Quite frankly my dear I don’t give a stuff
    when you say to accept you as you are:
    that you are a diamond in the rough.
    But enough is enough.
    Tough!
    I want a divorce.

    When you eat your food with your mouth open…
    well! that’s not being a diamond in the rough
    but straight out bad manners.
    I’d rather eat with my horse.
    Tough!
    I want a divorce.

    Just because you have no legs
    and have no arms and have to be spoon fed
    is no reason to eat with your mouth open.
    Tough!
    I want a divorce.

    And you can keep the wheelchair.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Bladud Fleas January 27, 2019 / 1:30 am

    On the links
    On a tee I swunged
    at the moment you did cough
    and sliced my diamond in the rough
    many minutes we sought
    and didn’t find it
    but I had another one
    so didn’t mind it

    where is that diamond now
    I now wonder
    that one I lost cos of your blunder
    it makes me cry I don’t know
    why, it’s not a game I like
    it’s a spoiled hike, I’d prefer
    to ride my bike. Across the fairway
    just about when you’re gonna strike.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Chelsea Owens February 1, 2019 / 11:12 am

      This was pretty terrible, Bladud! (We need to figure out a nickname I can call you, by the way… feels to weird to shorten any of your site name.)

      I liked that you dodged the typical subject and totally messed with the rhyme and meter.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Violet Lentz January 27, 2019 / 1:25 pm

    This is A-OK with my Mamaw, but I’ll leave it up to you to be the judge….. lemme know if I have to try again…..

    Little Gemma Johnson
    Was quite the catch, I’d heard them say
    Though a little rough around the edges
    She’d make a fine wife someday

    Little did I know- t’was me
    They’d arranged as her betroth
    never having laid my eyes, on
    This little diamond in the rough

    The matrimonial day arrived
    Our families filled the church
    She lifted her veil for our first kiss
    And my guts lept to a lurch

    Eyes askance, under twisted brow
    Nose bent off to the side somehow
    Lips so thick she couldn’t pucker
    I knew right then, there’s no way I could……

    Whoa is me I can’t be wed
    Alone is how I’ll stay in bed
    She’s no diamond- rough or other
    If I have to wed, I’ll take her brother!

    Liked by 3 people

    • Violet Lentz January 27, 2019 / 1:28 pm

      I submitted it, I just don’t know if it’s too risqué,,,,,,

      Like

    • Chelsea Owens January 27, 2019 / 1:47 pm

      I always read them on Fridays, so as to stay impartial. I guess I’ll just trust you till then!

      Like

    • Chelsea Owens February 1, 2019 / 11:13 am

      You and another entrant used the name ‘Gemma.’ I guess because of gems? Who knows. 😀

      Yours was actually too nice to win; I love the rhyme. It’s like a terrible nursery rhyme.

      …Hey…. that’s a great idea! Hmmmm…

      Like

      • Violet Lentz February 1, 2019 / 11:24 am

        I did use the name Gemma because of the diamond theme.. And I love that My entry was just enough off color that no one can pin it on me??? hahahahahah

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Peregrine Arc January 28, 2019 / 8:07 pm

    In interest of laziness, and actually some embarrassment of how awful this is, I’ll just post and submit on your other this week, I think.
    —
    Diamond, ouch, you’re too rough.
    Diamond, ouch, cut that out.
    Diamond please, stop stop stop.
    Wait, that’s not what this prompt is about?

    Shiny, shine, shine shine.
    I’m Rihanna’s Diamond in the Sky.
    Gleam.

    Liked by 3 people

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  6. Molly Stevens - Shallow Reflections January 30, 2019 / 7:29 am

    Oh what fun! So glad you are running this contest, Chelsea. I’ll post mine on my blog after the contest ends so I can link to the winner, but in the meantime, here it is.

    Too classy to have friends.

    It’s hard to be the only one
    Refinded mongst the diamonds in the rough.
    You say tomato,
    I say tomahtopuff.

    Tomahtopuff’s not a word, of course,
    But I wanted things to rhyme.
    You’d know that if you were in my class,
    Instead of subpar subslime.

    I’ve looked for others who are equal
    To my decree of finesse,
    But alas they’re moving parts unknown
    Without a forwarding address.

    You may think it’s craps
    Sitting alone atop that pinochle.
    But it’s not in the cards
    To lower my standards.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Peregrine Arc January 30, 2019 / 9:54 am

      I can see this being read on a stage and people snapping at the end

      Liked by 1 person

        • Peregrine Arc January 30, 2019 / 11:01 am

          Lol that works, too. I meant snapping as in snapping the fingers into that old school poetry applause style. 😉😊😊

          Liked by 1 person

    • Violet Lentz February 1, 2019 / 1:12 am

      I’m with Peregrine, you do have a bit of a beatnik tomahtopuff feel going on here… Chelsea is going to have a rough time this week sorting out the diamonds…

      Liked by 1 person

    • Chelsea Owens February 1, 2019 / 11:14 am

      Like Bruce, your poem was *this close* to winning. I really liked your bit about ‘tomahtopuff;’ you know I’m a sucker for made-up words. 😀

      Liked by 1 person

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  8. RhScribbles January 30, 2019 / 8:44 pm

    Here goes…..

    Diamond in the rough
Rough diamond
Cracking windows is tough
I need a diamond
One with rough edges
Edges to scratch glass
Glass walls that keep me out
Out and not in
In with the gang
Gang of a thousand
Thousands of diamonds that sparkle 
Sparkle and shine illuminating
My world with possibilities
Life is rough,
    I mean tough

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Anneberly January 31, 2019 / 7:04 am

    Oh goodness, I completely missed this one. Hopefully, I’ll be able to put an entry in today.

    Liked by 1 person

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  11. Anneberly January 31, 2019 / 8:24 am

    Ordinary

    A diamond in the rough
    Isn’t that tough

    As he dances in the daylight
    And even at night

    He thinks he’s quite elegant
    Ha! Like an elephant

    His mannerisms aren’t too shabby
    Pretty lazy like a tabby

    His intellect isn’t book smarts
    He’s got a gigantic heart

    People think he’s quite gruff
    This diamond in the rough

    Liked by 2 people

    • Violet Lentz February 1, 2019 / 1:06 am

      Nice job Anneberly, he sounds like a guy I used to be married to.. hahahaha

      Liked by 1 person

      • Anneberly February 1, 2019 / 7:23 am

        Haha, Diana Wallace Peach says she’s married to a guy like this. 😁
        You two are so cute.

        Like

    • Chelsea Owens February 1, 2019 / 11:15 am

      I’d hate to know a guy like this! This is a terrible poem; good work!

      Liked by 1 person

    • Chelsea Owens February 1, 2019 / 11:16 am

      Thanks, Michael! Good job with winning!

      Like

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    • Chelsea Owens February 1, 2019 / 7:19 am

      😀 All right; I’ll look in an hour or so.

      Like

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