For several contests now, I’ve wanted to do a multi-person tie. You are all doing so terribly!
(That’s a compliment.)
But… since you’ve all skipped to this part anyway, the winner is Michael B. Fishman.
Don’t Skippy Over Me (or I’ll Be Back in a Jif)
I like chunky peanut butter sometimes –
and sometimes I don’t.
Ask me why,
or don’t,
(I don’t care)
Peanut butter’s rough.
The chunks? A diamond in the rough.
That’s because I like peanuts and . . .
I
don’t
like
peanut
butter.
It’s not even butter!
Once upon a time there was a peanut farmer who became President. A giant named Fezzik came along and asked if he wanted a peanut. The President-to-be said no, but he asked the giant where he could fill up his empty peanuts. The giant didn’t know, but some other guy – I can’t visualize him so neither will you – came along and said “I know!” The President-to-be said, “Where?” and non-visualizable man said, “The Shell station!”
And they laughed.
And the peanuts laughed.
“Ha!” they all laughed
Laughter is like a diamond.
(I don’t know why but it makes for an interesting simile)
Life is just rough
(That’s not a simile, I don’t know what it is)
We eat peanut butter
and watch the butterfly flutter.
From the golf putter to the stonecutter
Some of us put it on bread and eat it with that white stuff that drips from a cow’s udder.
Congratulations, Michael! You are the most terrible poet of the week!
My multi-way tie desire was due to SO MANY of the poets messing with the meter in a very intelligent way, rhyming (then, not), and choosing such awful subjects that I wonder if Diana gave them lessons from last week….
Michael’s very slight push above the rest was how mismatched his poem was. We had a lovely poem going, then …a paragraph?, then back to another sort of poem (I think). Terrible!
By no means worse (better?), here are the rest of the entrants:
Precious Stones
It’s tough
Being a diamond in the rough.
I’d rather be an emerald
Set in fourteen carat gold
When I am old.
Or perhaps a sapphire
If you think I should aim a bit higher
What about a pearl?
If I was the mother of an earl
I’d give you a string
Made of oyster vomit
No, that’s not it
Is it?
It’s grit not vomit.
My precious….
My precious…
Oh sorry, that’s something different
From a nasty little gent.
Maybe he’s a diamond in the rough
Finding life a little tough.
—–
A heart-felt lamentation
Quite frankly my dear I don’t give a stuff
when you say to accept you as you are:
that you are a diamond in the rough.
But enough is enough.
Tough!
I want a divorce.
When you eat your food with your mouth open…
well! that’s not being a diamond in the rough
but straight out bad manners.
I’d rather eat with my horse.
Tough!
I want a divorce.
Just because you have no legs
and have no arms and have to be spoon fed
is no reason to eat with your mouth open.
Tough!
I want a divorce.
And you can keep the wheelchair.
—–
Untitled piece
by Dawn D
There once was a youngster
Who lived in a dumpster
She begged and clawed
Through the bitter cold
Till the day she morphed into a stunning princess.
—–
Untitled piece
Diamond, ouch, you’re too rough.
Diamond, ouch, cut that out.
Diamond please, stop stop stop.
Wait, that’s not what this prompt is about?
Shiny, shine, shine shine.
I’m Rihanna’s Diamond in the Sky.
Gleam.
—–
A Mean Girl
I’m a diamond –
See my perfect shine!
I’m prettier than you,
No need to whine.
So get in line
I ain’t got the time!
You don’t want a dollar
Waitin’ on a dime!
Your face is a crime,
So listen to me.
Tan that white skin,
Get some vitamin D.
Fat like your mommy,
You can’t wear that top.
Ain’t gettin’ no boyfriend
When you look like slop.
C’mon girl, chop-chop!
Your pits smell like waste!
And you gotta lose inches
Off that extra-large waist!
No wonder you’re chaste.
That hair’s a nightmare
With all that va-voom!
It’s like you don’t even care.
What’s that you declare?
You say I’m bad stuff?
Not even a diamond
In form most rough?
Shut up you’re stupid.
Your mom’s stupid.
Go home, idiot,
I hate you.
—–
Please Mrs Patterson
by TanGental
Please Mrs Patterson
Roger’s an awful little pest;
He’s only gone and stapled
My earlobes to his desk.
*
Please Mrs Patterson
Roger really is too much;
He’s liquidized our gerbil
And sprayed him on my crotch.
*
Please Mrs Paterson
I’m not sure we can take much more;
Roger’s borrowed Harry’s toolbox
And nailed Gemma to the floor
*
Please Mrs Patterson
Things are getting out of hand;
Roger’s kidnapped Maisie Wellbeloved
And buried her in sand.
*
Please Mrs Patterson
You’ll really have to stop it;
Roger’s only gone and taken Bob
And strapped him to a rocket.
*
Please Mrs Patterson
You must stop being craven
Roger’s stuffed poor Bill with pitted dates
And put him in the oven.
*
Please Mrs Patterson
I know he’s had it tough
But Roger’s more your psychopath
Than a diamond in the rough.
—–
Ordinary
by Anneberly
A diamond in the rough
Isn’t that tough
As he dances in the daylight
And even at night
He thinks he’s quite elegant
Ha! Like an elephant
His mannerisms aren’t too shabby
Pretty lazy like a tabby
His intellect isn’t book smarts
He’s got a gigantic heart
People think he’s quite gruff
This diamond in the rough
—–
My Fair Lady
by Jordy
I once met a lass who was really darn crass.
Liked her so asked her to go fishing for bass.
Pretty fine, want to make her mine. But my Ma won’t agree. Her mouth is to rotten and her spit always hits my knee.
She thought she was haute but tore up her coat.
Was how she stepped on the boat. You know.
I went to get gun powder to fix it all up.
But it began to sizzle and got her all frup.
She screamed and hollered at lil ole me.
Then walloped me a good one that set my lights free.
We rasseled and rolled when she tried to pull off my head and throw it in a bowl.
Hell bells, diamond in the rough!
Darn if she ain’t the fair lady for me!
—–
On the links
by Bladud Fleas
On a tee I swunged
at the moment you did cough
and sliced my diamond in the rough
many minutes we sought
and didn’t find it
but I had another one
so didn’t mind it
where is that diamond now
I now wonder
that one I lost cos of your blunder
it makes me cry I don’t know
why, it’s not a game I like
it’s a spoiled hike, I’d prefer
to ride my bike. Across the fairway
just about when you’re gonna strike.
—–
Untitled piece
by Violet Lentz
Little Gemma Johnson
Was quite the catch, I’d heard them say
Though a little rough around the edges
She’d make a fine wife someday
Little did I know- t’was me
They’d arranged as her betroth
never having laid my eyes, on
This little diamond in the rough
The matrimonial day arrived
Our families filled the church
She lifted her veil for our first kiss
And my guts lept to a lurch
Eyes askance, under twisted brow
Nose bent off to the side somehow
Lips so thick she couldn’t pucker
I knew right then, there’s no way I could……
Whoa is me I can’t be wed
Alone is how I’ll stay in bed
She’s no diamond- rough or other
If I have to wed, I’ll take her brother!
—–
Too classy to have friends.
It’s hard to be the only one
Refinded mongst the diamonds in the rough.
You say tomato,
I say tomahtopuff.
Tomahtopuff’s not a word, of course,
But I wanted things to rhyme.
You’d know that if you were in my class,
Instead of subpar subslime.
I’ve looked for others who are equal
To my decree of finesse,
But alas they’re moving parts unknown
Without a forwarding address.
You may think it’s craps
Sitting alone atop that pinochle.
But it’s not in the cards
To lower my standards.
—–
Untitled piece
by RhScribbles
Diamond in the rough
Rough diamond
Cracking windows is tough
I need a diamond
One with rough edges
Edges to scratch glass
Glass walls that keep me out
Out and not in
In with the gang
Gang of a thousand
Thousands of diamonds that sparkle
Sparkle and shine illuminating
My world with possibilities
Life is rough,
I mean tough
—–
Again: what I say pushes a poem to first is not what I always look for. The other entrants and their highly creative measures change the standards each time!
Good work, and tune in tomorrow to see next week’s prompt.

There’s that geode again.
By the way, Michael: D. Wallace Peach created this graphic that you can use (if you want) as a badge of honor as the winner:
great ideas for a rough diamond
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’ll say! You’ll have to enter next contest!!
LikeLike
Congratulations Michael! In a nutty kind of way…. 😄
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wow wow wow!! These are all terribly awful. 😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤔
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh my, Chelsea, you got some fabulous entries. So many of them cracked me up! Michael’s is hysterical. And I see the terrible poetry entries are growing! Congrats.
LikeLiked by 1 person
😀 A ton came from your site, plus the others (like Ruth, Molly, Michael, and Peregrine) who are re-posting.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m so glad that you’re getting a good response. And happy to send everyone your way. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I knew when I read Michael Fishman’s poem that it was likely going to win this week’s contest. So terrible in so many ways. It made absolutely no sense and it made me laugh right along with the peanuts. hahaha! Congratulations, Michael!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Aha! A psychic!
LikeLiked by 1 person
These are great!! X
LikeLiked by 1 person
I have some brilliant writers on here! 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
“I can’t visualize him so neither will you.” My favorite from the winning entry haha! Congrats all.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Reblogged this on greygirlieandme and commented:
Hahahaha, lots of appalling poems
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m in a muddle, but just wanted to say that I’ve closed my blog, but thank you, thank you for all your wonderful support. Xx
LikeLiked by 1 person
Nooooooooo! 😥
LikeLike
Thank you for making me feel good for being terrible! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Just doin’ my job. 😀
LikeLike