The Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest

Who’s ready for some terrible poetry? I know I am!

Welcome to The Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest, the twelfth iteration. I am super stoked for this week’s topic.

**IMPORTANT NOTE** I usually tell everyone to read, “How To Write Terrible Poetry” so’s you know what I’m looking for. This week, however, I wish to be more about a clever take and subject than about a rotten execution.

  1. Topic: Nursery Rhymes.
  2. Length? Let’s do a stanza or two, or three. We don’t need all 16 rounds of “Old Mother Hubbard,” for Peter Pumpkin Eater’s sake.
  3. This prompt is a special one.
    If you, the poet, wish to satirize an existing nursery rhyme; that is reasonable.
    If you, the poet, wish to vaguely reference an existing nursery rhyme; I am okay with your decision.
    If you, the poet, wish to go to No Man’s Land of poetry and leave us wondering if you even knew the prompt; more power to you.
  4. Whatever you decide, make us hurt while we’re laughing.
    Make Georgie Porgie want to cry with mirth. Give Jack and Jill a poetic thrill. Give those blind mice something to smile about.
  5. In terms of appropriateness, keep it PG- or G-rated. These are originally written for children, after all.

You have till 8:00 a.m. MST next Friday (February 8, 2019) to submit a poem.

Post your poem or a link to it in the comments, or fill out the included form. I read them all and judge as impartially as I may.


In the meantime and just for fun, here are a couple of poems the very busy but very talented Irish Procrastinator wrote last year:


A doggie is lovely

It wags and it barks

It just wants a cuddle

And walks in the park

But the worst thing of all

(And everyone looks)

Is when it sits down

And does a big poop.


Just Eat Some Toast Instead

I knew a girl

Who loved to eat boogers

At breakfast and lunch

She dug in her hooter

She wouldn’t eat fruit

And she wouldn’t eat bread

This girl just loved

To eat bogeys instead

One day while digging

Deep up in her nose

Her finger got stuck!

Her mummy said ‘blow!’

She huffed and she puffed

Her mummy said ‘more!’

She blew it so hard

Her nose flew out the door!

Lucky for her

Her mummy had glue

She stuck it back on

And nobody knew

So if you don’t want

To lose bits of your head

Take my advice

Use a tissue instead.

I keep telling her she needs to write modern children’s nursery rhymes, so we’ll hold out hope for when that happens.


Photo Credit:
Charles 🇵🇭

34 thoughts on “The Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest

  1. Old Pres Donald had a wall
    I owe IOU
    And from the top he saw a cactus
    I owe IOU
    With a billion here and a billion there
    Here a debt there a debt
    Everywhere some deficit
    I owe IOU

    Old Pres Donald had a germ
    I owe IOU
    And no health care we all got sick
    I owe IOU
    With a cough cough here and a hack hack there
    Here a phlegm, there a phlegm
    Everywhere some green phlegm
    I owe IOU

    Old Pres Donald had a tax cut
    I owe IOU
    And no one got it but the rich
    I owe IOU
    With a bill bill here and bill bill there
    Here a notice, there a notice
    Everywhere a payment’s due
    I owe IOU

    Old Pres Donald had a personality disorder
    I owe IOU
    Can’t sympathize or tell the truth
    I owe IOU
    With a lie lie here and a lie lie there
    Here a Putin, there a Putin
    Everywhere a favorite Russian
    I owe IOU

    Liked by 5 people

      1. I like the interactive element throughout the week. I keep coming back to see what others have submitted (even though I know my submission is the winner). When someone who hasn’t posted earlier “wins”, then I’m always a bit disappointed. Who’s this? (I ask myself) – or as King Lear says, “Rumble thy bellyful” or whatever.

        Liked by 4 people

        1. I’m glad to hear that. I often think that everyone needs to read all the poems the way I do each Friday. I also love the back-and-forth of comments when people post beneath the original announcement.

          Liked by 1 person

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