The Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest

Greetings and welcome to The Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest, v. 15.

If you’re new or forgetful, read my how-to on terrible poeting so you know what I’m talking about. Then, read the following rules and enter:

  1. Topic: Satirical Pop Song. Parody a specific one if you want, or go your own way. (Link to Billboard’s Top Pop Song Chart.)
  2. How long should you croon? Write us a verse or two and a chorus; there’s no need for “Bohemian Rhapsody,” after all.
  3. Most pop songs rhyme, so I’ll expect at least some of that sugar. I’m not going to kick anyone out who can’t think of anything that works with ‘Sheeran,’ though.
  4. Lyric us something terrible. Make Weird Al shake his head and say, “I never would have gone there” -and then secretly try to match your style.
  5. As usual, keep it PG-rated.

You have till 8:00 a.m. MST next Friday (March 1, 2019) to submit a poem.

It’s always fun when we can read what everyone has thought of before The Final Countdown. If you want that, include or link to your poem in the comments below. If you’re shy, though, post using the submission form.

 

eduardo-balderas-801340-unsplash.jpg

Photo credit:
Eduardo Balderas

38 thoughts on “The Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest

  1. RhScribbles February 24, 2019 / 5:32 pm

    Oh my. My brain snapped and can’t think. 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔

    Liked by 2 people

    • Peregrine Arc February 24, 2019 / 6:41 pm

      Here’s something to get you motivated. Chelsea consider this an entry, though I may do more. 😉

      Inspired by Ice, Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice.

      Alright stop.
      Collaborate and listen, while I sit back in my brand new invention
      The muse will grab ahold of you tightly
      It’ll flow like a harpoon deadly and mighty
      Will it ever stop? Yo I don’t know
      Let’s turn on the lights and watch the poet go
      To the extreme I wield my pen
      Light up the words and rhyme like a fluffy hen

      Nice, nice poetry… Really nice, nice poetry.
      Nice, nice poetry. It’s really nice nice poetry…

      Liked by 4 people

  2. Nitin February 27, 2019 / 1:17 am

    Mama just drilled a man (not what you think!)
    Put a drill against his teeth
    Pulled the trigger, now the cavity’s filled
    Mama that tooth was just decaying
    But now I’ve gone and filled it all the way
    Mama, saaay ahhh
    Didn’t mean to become a dentist
    If I’m not administering anaesthetic tomorrow
    Scream on, scream on because everything matters

    Liked by 4 people

    • Michael B. Fishman February 28, 2019 / 9:41 am

      “not what you think!” LOL!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Nitin March 2, 2019 / 12:02 pm

        Thank you! I will, but I’m very competitive and can’t handle losing!

        Liked by 1 person

        • Chelsea Owens March 2, 2019 / 12:51 pm

          Just because you didn’t get #1 doesn’t mean it wasn’t good. There can only be one first prize, you know (except for the two times I’ve been indecisive, of course; but just ignore those).

          Liked by 1 person

          • Nitin March 2, 2019 / 1:18 pm

            Ha! What you need is a board. This needs a system I tell you! You can be the chairman who signs off on the decisions the board makes. I’d like to be the CEO of talent management and I’d like Bruce Goodman to be president. The terrible poetry corporation will propel your idea to astronomical heights. Trust me!

            Liked by 1 person

              • Nitin March 2, 2019 / 2:31 pm

                The chairman of course. All she does is sign off the board’s decisions and bring the drinks and smile 😊

                Liked by 1 person

                • Chelsea Owens March 2, 2019 / 4:22 pm

                  If you’re suggesting that’s me, you may need to shop around some more.

                  Liked by 1 person

                • Nitin March 2, 2019 / 4:56 pm

                  LOL!

                  Like

  3. Nitin February 27, 2019 / 1:20 am

    P.S. Bruce Goodman should get the lifetime terrible poetry award. Poor guy has been nominated so many times but won just once. He’s the Leonardo DiCaprio of this

    Liked by 2 people

    • Chelsea Owens February 27, 2019 / 7:11 am

      Ha ha! Bruce is awesome!!

      Did he enter again? I remember him telling me he missed the old crowd and how he wanted people to interact with each other and …maybe he was just whining about not winning. 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

      • Nitin February 27, 2019 / 9:40 am

        I want to apologise to him for writing a post that indirectly targeted him. But I dunno if he’ll accept my apology because he’s too interested in winning that lifetime award! And yeah cookie points and a Chelsea guest post on the Literati Mafia if I win. So….😋

        Liked by 1 person

        • Chelsea Owens February 27, 2019 / 10:02 am

          Ha ha… If only I were moved by bribery -and if only I hadn’t read that The Literati weren’t ASKING for contributors. 😉

          Liked by 2 people

          • Nitin February 27, 2019 / 10:05 am

            We’ll give you the golden contributor award. It’s an honour that I’ve only bestowed on myself. But then again I’m a member and so, I’d like to pass the torch on. In case you’re wondering, it is a torch. Not an Olympic one, but the type you use to look for things under the bed!

            Liked by 2 people

        • Bruce Goodman February 28, 2019 / 1:42 am

          Of course he’ll forgive you, you silly bugger. Just email him. He’s missed you.

          Liked by 2 people

      • Bruce Goodman February 28, 2019 / 1:40 am

        In the kitchen I’m Master of the Bland, and in Life the Master of Sour Grapes.

        Liked by 2 people

  4. TanGental February 27, 2019 / 2:19 pm

    Ok satirical… tick; reworked… tick
    To the tune of the old Beatles classic: Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds

    Position yourself on the left of the centre
    A democrat with a glint in the eye
    Make a friend with a tea party member
    Who’s more interested in the How than the Why.
    Set up a committee to debate the issues
    That matter to ordinary men on the bus.
    Given them a budget to commission reporting
    And let them know you don’t want a fuss.
    Technical topics are always banned
    They’ll only go over your heads
    Look instead for a popular cause like a wall
    And it’s done
    Nancy’s in cahoots with Donald
    Nancy’s in cahoots with Donald, ah, ah
    Follow them now until the election
    And watch as they build a castle of lies.
    No one smiles and everything’s gone sour
    And the only way out is to get high….

    Liked by 3 people

    • Michael B. Fishman February 28, 2019 / 9:48 am

      I love the last line!

      Like

    • Chelsea Owens March 1, 2019 / 10:05 pm

      Political satire? Never heard of such a thing! I appreciated this clever take, Geoff. Keep entering; we need the flavors you bring.

      Liked by 1 person

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