The Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest

Welcome to The Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest, celebrating nineteen weeks of unruly writing behavior. It’s also my birthday; which, as an adult and a mom, means…

If you’re new, confused, and/or need directions; read my how-to about terrible poetry. Writing terribly is more of an art form than one might think, and the poets of every week prove that.

Play along! It’s fun! Here are this iteration’s rules:

  1. Our Topic is Unrequited Love. It’s those times when that Special Someone has someone on her mind besides you…
  2. Since we’re talking love, keep the poem’s Length to a Hallmark card message or so.
  3. Should you Rhyme? YES, this time.
  4. The Terribleness is most important. The object of your affections must sit up and pay attention to your heartfelt soliloquy, only to beg that she really, really needs to powder her nose for the next …lifetime.
  5. We want your love to run for the hills, but not because of profanity. Keep things PG or classier.

You have till 8:00 a.m. MST next Friday (March 29) to submit a poem.

If you are shy, use the form. Leave me a comment saying that you did as well, just to be certain. Then I will be able to tell you whether I received it.

If not, and for a more social experience, include your poem or a link to it in the comments.

Have fun!



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62 thoughts on “The Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest

  1. Violet Lentz March 23, 2019 / 11:39 am

    Ooooo tear soaked rhyming shorts…. I can do that… I think.. 😎

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Michael B. Fishman March 23, 2019 / 2:35 pm

    Happy Birthday, Chelsea! Roses are red, violets are blue, OK, have a nice day!

    Liked by 4 people

    • Chelsea Owens March 23, 2019 / 3:55 pm

      😀 😀 Aww! A terrible poem for my birthday! You shouldn’t have!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. trentpmcd March 23, 2019 / 5:21 pm

    The author of this poem would give his heart for his true love. Or other body part…

    Take My Arm

    I really, really want to be your guy
    I would rip out my heart for you
    Chop of my head

    Sure, an expensive gift I could buy
    But parts of me are exclusive, there are few
    Take too many and I’ll be dead

    Well, actually I don’t want to die
    Would ripping out my spleen do?
    chop off a finger instead?

    I hope you didn’t enjoy this poem 😉

    Liked by 4 people

  4. Peregrine Arc March 23, 2019 / 9:46 pm


    Hello babe, I saw you from afar
    I drove by in my shiny new Mustang car.
    I smiled, flicked my bangs back just so
    James Dean had nothing on me, as you know.
    You smiled shyly, like the angel you are
    And then your boyfriend leaned over to kiss the car.
    “Here’s a twenty, thanks for bringing it around.
    No scratches, I see. Safe and sound.”
    I got out, handed over the keys
    And scratched off a number on my valet receipt.
    I could only stare as the tires went round
    And hope the police would order an impound.

    Liked by 6 people

  5. Bladud Fleas March 24, 2019 / 3:09 am

    One More Chance For The Unrequited Lover

    So, the flowers I sent you
    weren’t that fantastic
    bought at a filling station
    and made out of plastic
    and you said plastic is bad for the planet
    and I wrote on the card, “to my Jane”
    when your name’s actually Janet
    does it really mean I won’t get a kiss?
    why should it mean you’ll give it a miss?

    Liked by 5 people

  6. Lisa Bradshaw March 24, 2019 / 6:19 am

    My poem is very short..
    ‘It’s the story of my life’..

    Liked by 2 people

    • Chelsea Owens March 24, 2019 / 8:32 am

      I’ll need more than that! 😀 …though I can relate…


      • Count Vlad Dracula Tepes March 24, 2019 / 11:19 am

        i made my love a glorious poem to die for.

        Liked by 2 people

  7. Doug March 24, 2019 / 11:30 am


    Why did you stand me up, my Dove,
    Oh Dear Candy of June days, my Love
    you misunderstood my allusion to
    Ogden Nash day who used to say,
    “Candy is dandy
    but liquor is quicker.”

    You are a diamond in the rough,
    Is a diamond ring enough?

    Liked by 4 people

    • Chelsea Owens March 29, 2019 / 9:09 pm

      This was one of my favorites, too! You are really good at terrible poetry -and that’s meant as a compliment. 🙂


  8. Doug March 24, 2019 / 11:57 am

    Be Bee Been Not to Be

    I’m not a “has-been”!
    Love me in the now
    now, now, now-ish

    “har været” is a Danish,
    a été is French
    è stato is Italian
    I’m a stallion immense
    dense as a cloud now

    Liked by 4 people

    • Chelsea Owens March 29, 2019 / 9:08 pm

      I think you got a bit too terrible to follow there, Doug. 🙂


  9. Violet Lentz March 28, 2019 / 9:02 am

    Picture if you will, a very long, very thin Hallmark card……. Looks can be deceiving.. It’s only 98 words…. {grimace}

    Liked by 1 person

    • Doug March 29, 2019 / 11:00 am

      Is this a paraphrase of one of the opening narratives for the “Twilight Zone” series? If so, I like the implications from the allusion.


  10. Doug March 28, 2019 / 9:58 am

    Your Love Haunts Me

    I’d die for your sultry voice,
    for an answer to my last missive.

    I loved you at the mountain venue:
    drums and guitar on cliff in blue

    I loved the oblivion in your voice, your
    devouring sorrow and sudden run.

    If only you could have loved me
    I’d have loved you too, a bump
    to have jumped with you

    Come haunt me and
    I will love your ghost
    at the bottom of the cliff.

    Liked by 3 people

  11. Doug March 28, 2019 / 10:17 am

    If You Duck Love, How Will You Swim?

    Once we played ping-pong in the rain
    following the arrows to Reign Park, and

    I know you loved
    the pitter-patter of rain
    although too

    Cupid’s ping pang pain of love
    rolled off you like
    rain off a duck’s back

    I don’t walk like a duck though
    and you’re a beautiful swan

    Liked by 3 people

    • Chelsea Owens March 29, 2019 / 9:12 pm

      Not sure where you were going with this one… 😀 Got nixed for not rhyming.


    • Chelsea Owens March 29, 2019 / 7:36 am

      Thanks! I look forward to reading it!


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