The Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest

Welcome to The Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest, Episode 20.

If you’re new or need directions; read my how-to on terrible poetry. Although I sometimes choose a winner who wrote about terrible things; what I seek above all is terrible meter, satirical tropes, and other poetic clichés.

Here are the specifics for this week:

  1. This week’s Topic is Springtime Haiku. I gave a brief tutorial in haiku back at Contest #3.
  2. Since it’s haiku, you all know the Length is roughly a syllabic 5-7-5.
  3. Haiku doesn’t Rhyme. Do it, and you just might have nothing happen since this contest is about breaking rules.
  4. Our #1 Rule that is always listed at #4 is to make it terrible. Since I witness haiku getting butchered all the time, you’re not likely to have trouble making yours cringe-worthy.
    Just in case you need the motivation, however, I’d like your ode to nature to
    Force quiv’ring blossoms
    To shiver downy snowflake stuff
    In terror of you
  5. Japanese poet-masters are rarely pushing boundaries. Keep things G-rated or gentler.

You have till 8:00 a.m. MST next Friday (April 5) to submit a poem.

If you are shy, use the form. Leave me a comment saying that you did as well, just to be certain. That way, I will be able to tell you whether I received it.

For a more social experience, include your poem or a link to it in the comments.

Have fun!



Photo credit:
michael podger

76 thoughts on “The Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest

    1. (the comment box won’t accept Japanese characters) Google needs the characters for translation which I used for this, but the English doesn’t work as far as syllables:
      Test day of
      Folding man
      Spring is crying

      Liked by 1 person

      1. 😀 Maybe as a saved image, then? Or ASCII?

        Doug, I haven’t read all of yours since I save that till Friday morning, but I need you to cut things off soon. 😀 It’s going to be a Doug Contest, otherwise…

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Thanks, I’m done. I posted the character form on my website if anyone wants something suitable for Google translation. I put the Latin letter version here.

          Liked by 1 person

        1.     I re-worked them from my poem to fit format; it’s also in my novel as a parenthetical thought:

          COLD ENDINGS
              by Douglas Gilbert

          For the festival cry
          many at the reflecting pond
          see each other see
          a lunch time in the park
          a man gushing blood on a tree
          cops jumping back to catch a

          trial day for the
          collapsing man on marble
          his woman crying by

          our exploding Sun where
          couples in weeping willows
          release spirits from ashes

          by meowing lions
          lambs in meadow’s lake

          for all to
          ripple still waters
          with sneezes deadly mocking

          Liked by 1 person

  1. The Rose

    Far beneath the bitter snows
    Lies the seed that with the sun’s love
    In the spring becomes a pumpkin.
    (Note: I wanted to use Swiss Chard but it lacked finesse. In recitation of the above haiku everything should be slurred as if thoroughly inebriated. That way there should be the right number of syllables).

    Liked by 3 people

      1. I have been busy with work – in order to get enough money to purchase some firewood for the coming WINTER now that AUTUMN is here. I had trouble with my wonderful SPRING Haiku (see above) because of the difficulty of trying to remember that far back…

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Holy cow Toledo oh-hi-oh — whatever Spring wants is good: even spring water.
      This is indeed High-coup de grâce . Amazing how you found a really good syllable count. If you had chosen Cincinnati it might have been more difficult. Holy whatever.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes indeed, whenever one dresses too warmly in a snow storm, it’s always good to eat an ice cream cone as one hops over crevasses and composes the haiku of curses. But ice cream does like snow.

      Liked by 1 person

Comments are closed.