The Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest

Welcome to The Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest, Episode 20.

If you’re new or need directions; read my how-to on terrible poetry. Although I sometimes choose a winner who wrote about terrible things; what I seek above all is terrible meter, satirical tropes, and other poetic clichés.

Here are the specifics for this week:

  1. This week’s Topic is Springtime Haiku. I gave a brief tutorial in haiku back at Contest #3.
  2. Since it’s haiku, you all know the Length is roughly a syllabic 5-7-5.
  3. Haiku doesn’t Rhyme. Do it, and you just might have nothing happen since this contest is about breaking rules.
  4. Our #1 Rule that is always listed at #4 is to make it terrible. Since I witness haiku getting butchered all the time, you’re not likely to have trouble making yours cringe-worthy.
    Just in case you need the motivation, however, I’d like your ode to nature to
    Force quiv’ring blossoms
    To shiver downy snowflake stuff
    In terror of you
  5. Japanese poet-masters are rarely pushing boundaries. Keep things G-rated or gentler.

You have till 8:00 a.m. MST next Friday (April 5) to submit a poem.

If you are shy, use the form. Leave me a comment saying that you did as well, just to be certain. That way, I will be able to tell you whether I received it.

For a more social experience, include your poem or a link to it in the comments.

Have fun!



Photo credit:
michael podger

76 thoughts on “The Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest

  1. RuthScribbles March 30, 2019 / 10:42 am

    I would love for you to critique my haikus. Thank never got training and try.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. trentpmcd March 30, 2019 / 10:56 am

    Ode(r) to Spring

    Gentle April rain
    Dog fertilizing the lawn
    From poo comes flowers

    Liked by 6 people

    • Doug March 30, 2019 / 5:29 pm

      Fertile material for ideas to spring up. Very organic.

      Liked by 1 person

      • trentpmcd March 31, 2019 / 6:22 am

        lol. I try to use fresh potting soil, well, pottying soil, I guess, or perhaps soiled soil…

        Liked by 2 people

    • trentpmcd March 30, 2019 / 3:30 pm

      Sounds like up here in this hemisphere 😉


    • Doug March 30, 2019 / 5:32 pm

      Spring flakes spring a surprise from time to time and it’s SINO (Spring In Name Only)

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Peregrine Arc March 30, 2019 / 12:40 pm

    Odeums to Springums

    The blossoms trail far
    Do not tarry, dripping nose
    For allergies wait.

    Liked by 4 people

    • Chelsea Owens April 5, 2019 / 5:38 pm

      “Odeums” is the best. You’ve written a poetic doctor’s warning.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Violet Lentz March 30, 2019 / 1:49 pm

    What you got a hot date Friday so you’re reigning in the word counts? hehe….

    Liked by 1 person

    • Chelsea Owens April 5, 2019 / 5:39 pm

      Thank you for playing. Your poems were a bit too good to be terrible. 😀


  5. Doug March 30, 2019 / 2:01 pm

    Trial for heart attack
    Collapsed Spring-man on marble
    Rose crying on steps

    Liked by 3 people

    • Chelsea Owens April 5, 2019 / 5:39 pm

      It’s like spring, but a murder mystery…


  6. Doug March 30, 2019 / 2:06 pm

    Spring festival cry
    Many at reflecting pond
    See each other see

    Liked by 4 people

  7. Doug March 30, 2019 / 2:09 pm

    Our exploding Spring
    Couples in weeping willows
    Release spirit ashes

    Liked by 3 people

  8. Doug March 30, 2019 / 2:13 pm

    By meowing lions
    Lambs in meadow lake ripples
    Spring sneezes deadly mocking

    Liked by 3 people

  9. Doug March 30, 2019 / 2:18 pm

    Lunch time in the park
    A man gushing blood on tree
    Cops jumping Spring to catch him

    Liked by 3 people

    • Chelsea Owens April 5, 2019 / 5:40 pm

      This may be too marginal to be about spring… 😀


  10. Doug March 30, 2019 / 2:37 pm

    Googolplex, meine Freunde, sagt, der folgende Vers ist ein schreckliches deutsches Gedicht.
    Googlee Saith This is Terrible German Poetry, and parenthetically:

    Probetag für die
    kollabierender Mann trist
    Frühling weint vorbei


  11. Doug March 30, 2019 / 2:39 pm

    Probetag für die
    kollabierender Mann trist
    Frühling weint vorbei

    Liked by 1 person

    • Doug March 30, 2019 / 2:42 pm

      The syllable count only works in German
      Test day for the
      collapsing man dreary
      Spring is crying over

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Doug March 30, 2019 / 2:50 pm



  13. Doug March 30, 2019 / 2:53 pm

    No tesuto-bi
    Oritatami otoko
    Haru ga naite imasu

    Liked by 1 person

    • Doug March 30, 2019 / 2:58 pm

      (the comment box won’t accept Japanese characters) Google needs the characters for translation which I used for this, but the English doesn’t work as far as syllables:
      Test day of
      Folding man
      Spring is crying

      Liked by 1 person

      • Chelsea Owens March 30, 2019 / 3:16 pm

        😀 Maybe as a saved image, then? Or ASCII?

        Doug, I haven’t read all of yours since I save that till Friday morning, but I need you to cut things off soon. 😀 It’s going to be a Doug Contest, otherwise…

        Liked by 1 person

        • Doug March 30, 2019 / 3:23 pm

          Thanks, I’m done. I posted the character form on my website if anyone wants something suitable for Google translation. I put the Latin letter version here.

          Liked by 1 person

      • Chelsea Owens April 5, 2019 / 5:42 pm

        I sense a theme to these…. I’m impressed that you went for Japanese, and German.


        • Doug April 6, 2019 / 6:05 am

              I re-worked them from my poem to fit format; it’s also in my novel as a parenthetical thought:

          COLD ENDINGS
              by Douglas Gilbert

          For the festival cry
          many at the reflecting pond
          see each other see
          a lunch time in the park
          a man gushing blood on a tree
          cops jumping back to catch a

          trial day for the
          collapsing man on marble
          his woman crying by

          our exploding Sun where
          couples in weeping willows
          release spirits from ashes

          by meowing lions
          lambs in meadow’s lake

          for all to
          ripple still waters
          with sneezes deadly mocking

          Liked by 1 person

  14. Dorinda Duclos March 30, 2019 / 7:03 pm

    In your face I sneeze

    Springtime, meant to spread disease

    Human pestilence

    Liked by 5 people

  15. Bruce Goodman March 30, 2019 / 7:16 pm

    The Rose

    Far beneath the bitter snows
    Lies the seed that with the sun’s love
    In the spring becomes a pumpkin.
    (Note: I wanted to use Swiss Chard but it lacked finesse. In recitation of the above haiku everything should be slurred as if thoroughly inebriated. That way there should be the right number of syllables).

    Liked by 3 people

      • Bruce Goodman March 30, 2019 / 7:33 pm

        I have been busy with work – in order to get enough money to purchase some firewood for the coming WINTER now that AUTUMN is here. I had trouble with my wonderful SPRING Haiku (see above) because of the difficulty of trying to remember that far back…

        Liked by 1 person

        • Chelsea Owens March 30, 2019 / 8:59 pm

          I was just telling my kids how America-centric the world is. 😀

          Liked by 1 person

          • Bruce Goodman March 30, 2019 / 9:19 pm

            That’s from an American point of view! For myself – highly educated and intelligent – I couldn’t spell Masechewsits Messachoosits if I tried.

            Liked by 1 person

    • Chelsea Owens April 5, 2019 / 5:43 pm

      I tried slurring, Bruce. Didn’t quite work for me, still. 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  16. Bladud Fleas March 31, 2019 / 3:19 am

    Daylight saving time:
    Getting out of bed later
    Or too early, d’uh

    Liked by 3 people

  17. Violet Lentz April 2, 2019 / 6:19 am

    I altered my title since I submitted… But as per, I will post a direct link here once I post so that should make it all better.. I know…. “Goodie!!”

    Liked by 1 person

    • Chelsea Owens April 2, 2019 / 7:14 am

      It’s all good. Just don’t come after me with torches if I forget.

      Liked by 1 person

  18. RuthScribbles April 3, 2019 / 10:43 am

    Holy toledo
    Spring haiku sprang to my mind
    “Whatever,” she said

    Now I’ll go make this officially my awful poem.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Doug April 5, 2019 / 3:17 pm

      Holy cow Toledo oh-hi-oh — whatever Spring wants is good: even spring water.
      This is indeed High-coup de grâce . Amazing how you found a really good syllable count. If you had chosen Cincinnati it might have been more difficult. Holy whatever.

      Liked by 1 person

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