The Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest

Chel Owens

Welcome to the 27th Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest!

I am your hostess, Chelsea Owens. If you are unsure of how to write terrible poetry, I outlined a bit of what I look for here. This is the sort of contest one enters in order to let loose, dangle participles, overly rhyme, and stick it to that pompous English professor we’ve all had.

Here are the specifics:

  1. Our Topic, class, is a poem about an epic book, television, or movie series. -You know; like that Throne of Gaming one, or Starring Wars, or Parry Hotter.
  2. Some of those series get reallllly long (lookin’ at you, Robert Jordan), but our audience’s attention span is shorter. Keep the Length below 200 words, s’il vous plaît.
  3. Rhyming‘s an easy way to curl our toes, when used improperly. Officially, however, it’s optional.
  4. The #1 Rule is make it terrible. George R.R. Martin, J.R.R. Tolkien, George Lucas, Robert Jordan, and J.K. Rowling must want to join together, mighty morphin’ style, to kick your poem’s …meter out of this universe.
  5. Some of these popular books and such can get a bit racy, so you can up the Rating to PG-13ish or cleaner.

You have till 8:00 a.m. MST next Friday (May 31) to submit a poem.

Use the attached form for anonymity (till Friday). I’ve been getting them without complaint, so I think WordPress is mostly sending them through.

For immediate fame and attention, include your poem or a link to it in the comments.

Share, and enjoy!

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Photo credit:
Image by simisi1 from Pixabay

27 thoughts on “The Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest”

  3. Bedtime reading

    I must admit it’s rather fright’ning
    when school libraries banish Enid Blyton.
    And I feel there’s not a lotta
    books go out by Beatrix Potter.
    These days too it’s Dr Seuss
    who’s racist and loves pet abuse.
    So provided I cover up the cover
    I read my kids “Lady Chatterley’s Lover”.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I hope this epic, based on the Iliad, is some terrible 😉

    Oh muse!
    Do not forget your poor creature, oh muse!
    I am your tool
    That you must use
    So let my tongue
    Sparkle like I was young.
    What’s that?
    Not my tongue?
    Uhm, my pen?
    Sing like a wren?
    Ah! My computer
    Sing your praises
    In tones of pewter
    Got it

    This is the story of the Anger of Skywalker
    The fleet-footed
    Druid talker
    Hear my tale!

    Anakin had anger
    Apollo, in the guise of Palpatine
    Sent a plague on the Skywalker family
    Killing his mother with an infestation of Sand People

    Like Agamemnon and Bresies before
    Kanobi took Padmé
    Away
    Ani didn’t like that
    Said I’m going to get that boy

    Oh yea fates!
    When you tear away our mates!
    And make us Dance on a Volcano
    Wait, that was a song by Genesis
    A prog rock band, not a Sith
    Well, damned fates
    When we fight on lava
    Flowing from a crater
    We might get burned
    And become Darth Vader

    But there are five more movies
    With one more in the works
    And I’m out of words
    But then, Homer did write the Odyssey
    So I will not
    Abandon all hope

    Liked by 1 person

  5. The Board with the Dings

    I have traveled many a mountain
    Gotten lost along my merry way
    Came across a pip of a board with dings
    Stuck it in my pocket, among other things

    Made it difficult to continue my journey
    But I trolled my way along, as best I could
    Stuck my hand in my pocket a few times
    Kept pulling out splinters of wood

    Thought about hitting up my friend, Bill
    But the weather didn’t look very nice
    Oh, and did I mention, I didn’t know
    That there’s a fire burning in the mountain

    Stumbled upon a rather bizarre little man
    Globulin, or Global, or something like that
    Kept trying to trick me, to get my board
    I wonder if his parents know he’s a brat

    And then there’s those trees, ugly are they
    Beady eyes that kept staring at me
    Maybe it’s because I have a piece of them
    In my pocket, clinging, I won’t set it free

    So much for my trek up the mountain
    So much for the board in my jeans
    I decided to build me a fire, I did
    Sit around tootin’, yep, too many beans

    Liked by 2 people

  7. That Frigging Ring

    Let’s walk to Mordor, Gandalf said.
    I’ll accompany you and use my flashy staff to stave off your untimely deaths.
    Gandalf has access to giant eagles
    but I feel the need for more blisters on my barking beagles.

    Wouldn’t it be wiser to fly above the volcano and airdrop the blasted ring?
    Come, come now. If we did that, Tolkien wouldn’t have wrote a thing.
    Do you want to star in this movie or not?
    Get behind that orc and give him a clout.

    Why didn’t we bring more wizards on this trip?
    What, there’s only four? I don’t believe it.
    Wait I’ve got it, there’s the eye that sees all, right?
    Cast a curse of blindness and water.
    And there you have it: that Sauron’s a goner.

    Now let the Hobbits get back to eating and dancing
    The elves to whining and adverting disaster.
    The dwarves to counting gold and mining too deep
    So Peter Jackson can get some sleep.

    Liked by 3 people

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