The Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest

Chel Owens

Welcome to The Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest, #33.

Our contest is about crafting the sort of poems only amateurs love. It’s about the cringe of the professionals. Sometimes it’s even a work of the most deplorably flowery adjectives coupled with way too many rhymes.

Read my brief how-to for more information, then follow the specifics for this week:

  1. Topic: Unusual ways to make money.
    (No, prostitution is not that unusual. Thanks, Certain-Regulars-Who-Know-Who-You-Are, for wondering.)
  2. Keep the Length as short or long as your muse needs, with an upper limit of 250 words.
  3. If you want to Rhyme, go ahead. If not, I won’t stop you either. As always, playing with rhymes is a great way to screw up a potentially lovely poem.
  4. Most of all, make it terrible! Elon Musk, Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Warren Buffet, and even the POTUS himself need to take a full five seconds of their precious time to stop, look at you, and shake their head in disbelief.
  5. Rating? PG or nicer, as usual.

You have till 8:00 a.m. MST next Friday (July 12) to submit a poem.

Use the form below if you want to be anonymous for a week.

If not, and for a more social experience, include your poem or a link to it in the comments.

Have fun!

 

sam-truong-dan--rF4kuvgHhU-unsplash.jpg

Photo credit:
Sam Truong Dan

45 thoughts on “The Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest”

  2. In dire need

    Wendy wanted to make some dough
    So she could go to the show
    If she didn’t make it to the show you know
    It would be the second year in a row.

    Wendy stood at her front gate
    With a notice, written on slate,
    “I need to make dough!
    I need to make dough!”

    Wendy realized that it was a waste of time.
    She might as well have gone to war and been on the front line.
    Then a kind man came up, rather haughty
    And said making dough was his forte.

    “I’ll show you how to make dough,” he said.
    Wendy though he was light in the head.
    She said “I know how to make dough, but at the very least
    I can’t make dough without yeast.”

    The man said “What the hell!
    I realize now you can’t spell.”
    You don’t need dough,
    You knead dough before taking it to the Bakers’ Show.

    When that was sorted
    Everyone danced and cavorted
    They sang “Dough is what she kneads!
    Dough is what she kneads!
    Fa la la la la! Dough is what she kneads!”

    Wendy’s chances increased
    of winning the bread-making feast
    once she got some yeast.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Take a Bow, Entropy

    Hey here, look at me
    The name is Entropy
    I’m the flibber-gee-wibbit, the whoosit, the what’s it
    That wears, corrodes, splinters, breaks, splits and frays all the things you own, from your patience to your very home.

    I’m the thing that makes your pipes leak right before company is due.
    I’m the squeaky wheel during a bike ride that echoes in the light of the moon.
    I’m the rust that erodes at your swing
    I’m the darling who ruins and breaks everything.
    Even a no risk home owners insurance policy.

    But for a fee? Never I.
    But it’s my living just the same.
    I collect your bad tempers, harsh words and examine your scowls
    And then I make merry while the whole deck of cards comes tumbling down.

    I’m havoc, I’m free, I’m powerful, I’m me.
    I’m Entropy and I keep the flow of the economy, hee hee.
    Free trade, capitalism, the green buck, oh oui
    I’m kept in the front pocket of every crook who wants to make money. 💰

    Liked by 2 people

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  5. I had fun today
    It’s the month of May
    I slept on a cot
    I ate a lot
    I listened to Sir Lancelot
    I broke a pot
    I’m in love
    I have a glove
    I like my rat
    I play cricket with a bat
    I have a ball
    I am small
    I like you
    You like me too
    I am good
    I like food
    I ate sweets
    And meats
    I drank wine
    The sun shine
    Oh yeah oh yeah
    Oh yeah oh yeah

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Thank you. I was hoping I’d win, but when you’re competing against Bruce, it’s like trying to win the Wimbledon against Federer (in his prime)

        Liked by 1 person

  6. I wasn’t going to do one but my brain had other ideas:

    Blood Money

    When I yet again start running out of money
    To the blood bank I go to sell off my red honey
    It’s a rare type so they’re always in need of some
    If only I could produce more I wouldn’t have to be a bum

    I even offered to sell my mucus dripping out of my nose
    Or the copious earwax or what I find between my toes
    Or any other of my bodily secretions I would quite happily sell
    But they weren’t so interested in those as far as I could tell

    Joanne Fisher

    Liked by 3 people

      1. I’m sorry; did I miss some drama? I don’t ever read the poems till Friday and didn’t get time to approve comments till late this evening.

        Is it all showing now?

        Like

  7. Knee deep in the marsh
    Still as a stump
    Hear the trill of a Warbler
    Imagine it is plump
    Got the special quill
    At the ready
    Ready to aim
    Hands held steady
    Several in the bush
    Most likely two
    I get one in hand
    Sure that it will do
    Paint brush held tight
    Microscope-like specs
    Without a quiver
    I write the tiny text
    I let the little birdy go
    It will fly away soon
    And act like nothing’s wrong
    Whistling it’s tune
    But some birder will see
    Written on it’s belly
    An ad for the store
    Where they sell raspberry jelly
    And other delights
    You can’t live without
    All are guaranteed
    To put a smile on your snout
    You see I make my living
    By writing words
    Tiny advertisements
    On the bellies of birds

    Liked by 1 person

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  13. Rupert likes to make shed loads of money.

    Not bad for a lad who comes from a land which is so sunny

    A man who set up his own news corporation

    Who still had time to build a TV station

    Making so much dosh he thinks he owns your nation

    So how does our Rupert make his cash

    Promoting fake stories with panache

    Filling his TV channels with balderdash

    Getting you to watch TV shows filled with advert trash

    Rupert also likes to control the news

    He wants you to sign up to this perverted views

    Making sure his political buddies get friendly interviews

    His opponents suffer as fake news spews


    Liked by 1 person

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