The Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest

Chel Owens

Welcome to Terrible Poetry Contest #36!

Need a bit of guidance? Read my basic outline here. This is the sort of contest only undertaken by the satirical at heart, by the artists who know that starving is a silly way to be.

Here are the specifics for this week:

  1. Topic: A tribute to your ‘favorite’ relative. We all have them: that maternal aunt who means well, that grandfather who keeps asking when you’re going to make something of yourself, that sister who’s so successful you just want to bless her heart.
  2. Length is totally up to you, but I prefer short. Grandma probably does too, Dearie.
  3. Rhyming is optional. You do what feels right to you, like that time you were with what’s-his-face -remember? That didn’t end well, now did it? -Of course, your relationships usually don’t turn out for the best. I was just telling your mother, the other day, that…
  4. Speaking of, I’m sure your mother would have something to tell her bridge club if you made it terrible. We wouldn’t want yet another Christmas where I only have your collection of Star Wars toys to share in the family newsletter, now would we?
  5. Let’s not shock your relatives, unless cementing your status as a Black Sheep is your thing. PG-13 or classier is fine.

You have till 8:00 a.m. MST next Friday (August 2) to submit a poem.

Use the form below if you want to be anonymous for a week.

If not, and for a more social experience, include your poem or a link to it in the comments.

Have fun!

ashwin-vaswani-1CoyeOsvqG4-unsplash (1).jpg

Photo credit:
Ashwin Vaswani

25 thoughts on “The Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest”

  2. Darling Maisie

    I can’t say I’m that crazy
    About Maisie
    And when I’ve had a few things get a bit hazy
    Anyway, before very long she’ll hopefully be pushing up a daisy
    Or two.

    Almost inevitably she has to be regarded
    As a favourite relative and not discarded
    Because if I say otherwise I’ll get bombarded
    And cursed and I can ill afford to be unguarded
    In the matter.

    There’s very little in Maisie’s life that I approve
    But she’s fabulously rich and my lot is likely to get improved
    Thus I’m feeling behoved
    To love her and hope she dies soon, overfed and boozed;
    My darling third cousin twice removed!

    Liked by 2 people

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  6. The Bongo Bingo Poet Beat

    Oh! My dear old Uncle Mingo
    How he loved playing his Bingo.
    Russian Roulette in retirement with all his savings
    Soon became his weekly misbehaving.

    One fine day he died and was broke;
    His lawyer gathered us around the table at the woke
    “Nothing’s left, nothing at all;
    And you owe me $3500 for telling you all.”

    And now Uncle Mingo’s dead, it’s true;
    I’m at his funeral, dressed in blue.
    And when we turned from the grave
    “Bingo!” was heard, shouted out by the knave.

    Liked by 1 person

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  9. Must admit struggled with this one – wrong time of year – sorry… So going to save my creative Terrible Juices up for the next one. Already decided to fit in ‘Tabasco Sauce’ into the next one. So go easy on me for the next subject – don’t pick something like knitting or flowers.

    Liked by 1 person

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