The Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest

Chel Owens

May I be the first sentence to welcome you to the 37th Terrible Poetry Contest? Excellent.

You may think writing horrendous verse is difficult. It’s not; people do it all the time! Just in case you’re nervous, however, I’ve written up a brief description here. Read it, or pick a random poem from the internet and alter it to fit the prompt.

-Which may be found in the specifics below:

  1. Our Topic is Anything. You choose.
    The catch? Whatever subject you select has to be way too flowery and/or descriptive. Adjectives and adverbs are your new best friends, closely followed by metaphor, simile, hyperbole, synecdoche, and personification.
    The other catch? The type of poem is free verse.
  2. Length? For the judge’s time and sanity, keep things under 250 words.
  3. For the first time, you may NOT Rhyme! What could be more poetic than free verse? Most people think that’s true and who are we to add rhyme to their meter?
  4. As always, make it terrible. Poets who take themselves way too seriously must applaud your efforts, worried to be the first to point out the emperor has no prose.
  5. Although a bawdy free verse poem is likely to exist somewhere, most stay around PG or cleaner; you can as well.

You have till 8:00 a.m. MST next Friday (August 9) to submit a poem.

Use the form below to be anonymous for a week.

For a more social experience, and to guarantee I see your entry, include your poem or a link to it in the comments.

Please enter and please have fun!

 

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Photo credit:
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19 thoughts on “The Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest”

  1. Sugar cubed

    You are the teaspoon that stirs sweet sugar in my cup of tea;
    imagine how yucky the tea would be without you
    to stir the saccharine cubes in the beverage for me to drink.

    That is why you are my honey-bee hovering near my cup and saucer,
    my stirring implement that is wild and free
    and goeth round and around all syrupy with glee and delight.

    My teaspoon! My teaspoon! from A to Z*!
    (*pronounced ZED because we’re not allowed to rhyme this week)
    Every time I come back from having a pee
    there’s always a further five or six sugared hot cups of tea waiting to be imbibed.

    Thank you for being my sugar cube agitator, adorable Constantia.
    When I see you dissolve sugar I dissolve into a sticky mess.
    Will you take time out from stirring my sugar cubes to marry me?

    Liked by 1 person

        1. I’m sorry you shan’t enter; but, yes! I’ll send you all of them. I’ll have to shorten the deadline, I think, in terms of submitting in order to get them to you before Friday morning.

          Liked by 1 person

  2. Hola

    Goldfish, mirrors of angelic happenings
    Twittering ’round my pâté
    and never I did I want to become a bat.
    A florid, Florida bat with a floral dress
    Flowery, shimmer, summery.
    Striking Cover Girl poses at a laundromat recycling bin.
    But alas here I am, at a restaurant poking a salad at a beach
    80 years old, playing Bingo with Uncle Mingo
    A flowery, fruity, in more ways than sooth
    Ol’ bat.
    Cha, Cha, cha. Ole!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. In our darkest times you bring unbroken sunshine

    With a bouquet unrivalled amongst the finest wine

    Like a fragrant flower sat below the finest red pine
    
How can something so small be so life enriching
    
Your smell, your taste so utterly bewitching
    
Just one drop is so completely uplifting

    You shine out on our world like the stars of the southern cross

    You are as wondrous and spectacular as the wandering albatross
    
You paint the world with a sparking diamond jewel embossed gloss
    
In the kitchen you are the unrivalled boss
    
Riding across the sky like the ancient god Helios
    
You are our light oh Great Tabasco Sauce

    Liked by 1 person

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  7. OK, maybe not what you are looking for, but, it is horrible:

    Ah, fast and furious
    Flicking around
    You scurry to and fro
    Like a drunken apricot
    Charlie Chaplin on speed
    Multiplied by two
    On your long thin legs
    So gloriously gorgeous
    That you have six
    For how can but two do
    Or even Charlie’s three
    Including his cane
    For his cane is part of him
    Isn’t it
    But you have six
    Naturally
    And you don’t have a mustache
    But the mandibles
    So roundly curvaceous
    Sweeping, sexy mandibles
    And antennas
    Or is it antennae
    Let me look closer
    With this magnificent magnifying glass
    Shape, clear crystal for seeing
    Ooops
    I didn’t mean to
    Burn you up
    Sorry ant

    And don’t ask how a drunken apricot scurries, it was the first word that came to mind, so I stuck with it 😉

    Liked by 1 person

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