The Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest

Welcome to the 38th Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest! This is a special week, because the infamous Bruce Goodman has offered to judge!!!

If you’re new or looking for a brush-up, here‘s a basic outline of what ‘terrible poetry’ means. Ready? Great!

Here are the specifics for this week:

  1. Topic: Plot twists. Lament about how often stories have them, include a few in your poem, or pull a fast one on us and keep the poem going exactly where we expect.
  2. Length: Since this is Bruce’s first time, let’s be nice to him and keep the word count under 200.
  3. Rhyme? Your call. Have fun with it!
  4. As the #1 rule listed at #4, make it terrible. I want Bruce himself, master of the macabre story twist, to shake his head in disbelief and secretly envy the part of the twisting Roman gutters in which your mind lies.
  5. Rating? For general audiences, keep things PG-13 or cleaner. Bleep it out if you really need to release a torrent.

****NOTE**** The due date is slightly earlier, so I can get Bruce the list of entrants.

You have till 11:59 p.m. MST next Thursday (August 15) to submit a poem.

Use the form below if you want to be anonymous for a week.

For a more social experience and to ensure we receive it, include your poem or a link to it in the comments.

Have fun!


Photo credit:
Pawel Janiak

14 thoughts on “The Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest

  1. I’m not sure if I really want to put you guys through this… oh what the heck, it’s SUPPOSED to be terrible 😉

    On a midday dreary
    My eyes were all a-teary
    As I had a report to do

    My boss, grim-tongued mastered
    Was such an awful bastard
    Would kick me with his shoe

    No way could it be finished by COB
    And my boss knew it, that SOB
    But he still goaded me with bull poo

    So I decided, what the heck
    I tied the noose around my neck
    And went to hang myself in the loo

    But when I rose, I heard something scary
    And noticed an office fairy
    Writing page after page of the report, over one hundred and two

    I was saved and wouldn’t die!
    Maybe my boss wasn’t such a terrible guy
    Maybe he’d give a raise too!

    As I started to celebrate I heard the clock
    Ring the bells of five o’clock
    And started to feel blue

    For I was sleeping at work, it would seem
    And the help of a kindly elf was all a dream
    And my career was over, it is true

    So I dove out the window instead of the door
    I might have died, but I worked on the first floor
    Now I need to go work someplace new

    Liked by 1 person

  2. We’re looking for masculine men
    Who’ll fight with lions in a den
    Not church boys or skinny dudes
    Who cry with each turn of their moods
    We want these men for our parade
    We want them to be icons who’ll never fade
    Yes, yes for the big bash
    Where real men eat, brawl and smash
    Wee doo wee la la la woo
    And some super masculine Kung fu
    We doo wee la la la woo
    And some hyper masculine farts in the loo
    We doo wee la la la woo
    And let’s kill some cows. Mooo!
    Yes, we want these men for this big event
    Where they’ll lie in a pink tent
    Stretch, stomp, jump, skip, flex
    And some super masculine muscles like T-Rex
    Stretch. stomp, jump, skip, flex
    And some hyper masculine gay sex!

    Liked by 1 person

              1. 😂 He’s playing the keyboard for my punk band. We’ve decided to scream bone the clown at a record pace while we guzzle down monster energy drinks. Pure adrenaline dude! The rush! The drive! The life! You’re invited, but I’m not sure if you’re invited to the parade that follows. That’s an eight pack showing, bearded, all male machismo thing with skip, stomp, lift and flex. And hyper masculine gay sex!!


  3. Yoda was the all seeing Jedi Knight

    Yet was fooled with a hood and a dodgie light

    While Luke was being the Star Wars Galahad

    Who honestly thought that Vader was his dad

    Bruce Willis seemed the perfect host

    But ended up being a sodding Ghost
Poor Liberty Valence ended up getting shot

    By John Wayne that’s a strange train of thought

    The Sting was a shock when Paul and Robert copped it

    But it just ended up being a gigantic counterfeit

    The Village tried to fool us with a bit of double play

    But it ended up being set in the Present Day

    Anthony Perkins seemed such a nice chap

    Yet as Mum and a psycho he got me into a flap

    Seven tried so hard to subvert
By having a Box in the desert

    Vertigo was Very very bleak

    Judy being Madeleine was a bit of a cheek

    Who in the Murder on the Orient Express would be first to admit

    But what a sneaky trick to have them all do seem do it

    The Wizard of Oz seemed strangely certain

    Yet the wizard was a sad bloke behind a curtain

    Reservoir Dogs was as cool as a soda pop

    Yet sneaked in that Mr Orange was in fact a cop

    Wow Scream tried smoke and mirrors

    All to hide we didn’t have one but two killers

    Jacobs Ladder tried to hide the thread

    Hang on a moment another one who is dead

    Even poor Harry Potter tried to be as shifty as a Manx Cat

    I never saw Peter Pettigrew was Scabbers the Rat

    Liked by 1 person

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