The Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest

Welcome to The Answer to Life, The Universe, and Terrible Poetry: Contest #42.

Infinitely improbable, you say? Don’t panic! Read my basic outline on what every pan-dimensional being expects from bad poetry in my Blogger’s Guide to the Terribleness. Aim for a little lower than self-throttling by one’s own intestine; a little higher than Vogon.

Here are the specifics for this side of the galaxy:

  1. The Topic is towels. Do you know where yours is?
  2. The Length is up to the budding artist (you).
  3. Rhyming is optional.
  4. Just make it terrible. As you clear your throat for a recitation, the entire Vogon fleet must flee in …well, in an organized, bureaucratic fashion after completing the necessary paperwork.
  5. How risqué can a towel get? I wouldn’t dare ask Adams that, but I think we can keep things PG or friendlier.

You have till 8:00 a.m. MST next Friday (September 13) to submit a poem.

Use the form below if you want to be anonymous for a week.

For immediate fame and a more social experience, include your poem or a link to it in the comments.

Have fun! 


Photo credit:, through wikia.


Need further inspiration? Here’s an excerpt from the second-worst poet in the galaxy’s “Ode to a Small Lump of Green Putty I Found in my Armpit One Midsummer’s Morning:”

Putty. Putty. Putty.
Green Putty – Grutty Peen.
Grarmpitutty – Morning!
Pridsummer – Grorning Utty!
Discovery….. Oh.
Putty?….. Armpit?
Armpit….. Putty.
Not even a particularly
Nice shade of green.
As I lick my armpit and shall agree,
That this putty is very well green.

24 thoughts on “The Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest

  1. Good morning

    Now that I’m old and extremely fat
    I find the towel too small to wrap
    around my waist after a shower.
    To get fresh clothes, I don’t know how
    I’m going to get to my tallboys
    where I keep my clean corduroys.
    So I waddle towel-less along the corridor
    and, fearless as a matador,
    march through the dining room to get to my bedroom.
    Some of the 46 other hostel inhabitants start to swoon
    because my towel-less-ness is quite surreal,
    and they are put off from eating their breakfast cereal.
    A larger towel would cover many sins
    and save the visiting old ladies from having to drink too many gins.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Towels Slewot

    Crisp, white, pinstriped
    Mashed as mashed potatoes white.
    Down it goes, down I say
    To cover the floor, to cover the hay.
    Beach, shower, hand, tip
    All types we have, all types we mint.
    But did I ever say to you
    Your hair is as bleached and spotted as the ones on this by torn up rag?
    My dear, my love, that is enough;
    Let’s “towel” it a day.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. My friend stayed at a Trump Hotel and pinched one of the towels
When the President finds out he will give him one of those scowls

    On the Vice Presidents visit to Ireland he stayed at another Trump Hotel
I wonder if he had a towel in his bag when he bid the hotel farewell

    Now the army has to bunk at Trumps Golf Resort in Scotland

    Hundreds of fluffy white ones will go missing as mistakes are not learned
Poor Donald looses so many towels I hope he has a good supplier

    Probably from China but he won’t know as he is such a crap buyer
And I wonder as Trump played golf while Hurricane Dorian continued to magnify
What was he thinking as he dried his grip with one of the finest towels money can buy

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Towel, towel every place

    There’s fresh towels in the hall closet
    And one draped upon my bedroom door
    Dish towels in on the kitchen counter
    And that one mysteriously draped, languidly, longingly on the living room floor

    There’s a wholly ratty towel for the doggy
    And then, suddenly, in the dining room hutch
    All those fancy, decorative towels and such
    That I’m am forbidden to

    There’s Emergency towels in the cars
    And ginormously big towels for the beach
    But as I step from the shower freezingly
    Not a single one’s within reach

    Liked by 1 person

  5. You’ve Really Got To Know Where Your Towel Is

    I use my towel for everything –

    I dry myself with it, or wipe dirt off

    sometimes I wear it as a short dress,

    an improvised hat, or use it as a blanket

    I even like to take it to sports events and

    twirl it above my head in excitement

    people say my towel is dirty, that it smells

    but you don’t wash towels

    do you?

    when it gets damp I dry it outside

    and then I wrap it around my head

    Actually, they’re right

    it does stink.

    Joanne Fisher

    Liked by 1 person

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