Good day or night to you all. It’s time for the 43rd weekly Terrible Poetry Contest!
Writing cliché, mis-metered verse can be tricky; only those stuck in bad, beginner habits can truly pull it off. For a bit of guidance, read my basic outline. Ready? Excellent. Let’s begin.
Here are the specifics for this week:
- The Topic is free-versing about secondhand sales. Ever been to a yard sale? Garage sale? Flea market? Write about it; flow about it.
- Looking for a certain Length? Let’s go with fewer than 150 words. Final offer.
- Rhyming is not allowed. This is free verse poetry, people. Curb your instincts.
- Above all, make it terrible. e.e. cummings must feel such a shock from your literary efforts that he vows to capitalize his name just to make you stop.
- Let’s keep the rating PG or cleaner. What sort of flea market are you going to, anyway?
You have till 8:00 a.m. MST next Friday (September 20) to submit a poem.
Use the form below if you want to be anonymous for a week.
If not, and for a more social experience, include your poem or a link to it in the comments.
Have fun!
Photo credit:
Phad Pichetbovornkul
No rhyming?? Now I’m whining!!
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😀 Nice.
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Second hand sale in a garage
I went to a second hand sale.
It was in Peach Street.
It was in someone’s garage.
There was an old broom with a few bristles missing.
There was a garden fork with some of its prongs gone.
There were a couple of old cushions with the stuffing coming out.
And there was grandma!
Grandma! Grandma for sale!
Maybe your own grandma has croaked
and you want another.
Buy grandma!
She might be second hand,
but she can be a grandma to your kids
if their own grandma has kicked the bucket.
Also she knows how to help with the dishes.
And cook.
Although I’m into antiques
I didn’t buy her
because she wasn’t in very good condition.
But I certainly will be keeping an eye out
at other garage sales.
Besides, she was too expensive,
and I haven’t sold the kids’ maternal grandma yet.
Grandma! Grandma for sale!
Maybe your own grandma has croaked
and you want another.
Buy grandma!
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Come on Bruce, you have to give us all a fighting chance. How can we compete with your grandma??? By the way does she still have her own teeth?
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Once (paternal) grandma’s teeth wore out she couldn’t chew the whale blubber so we left her out in the snow. It was only later that we discovered we could’ve made some money.
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😊
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LOL! Wow, that was cool.
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Oh, Bruce. Your poor grandma. At least she might be proud of your terrible poetry!
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Yard Sale Blues Number 397
what is
a kumquat peeler
a device to strip citrus
or an x-rated toy
and please
let me know
how to use an endive fork
a thing I never knew
was a thing
until now
someone else’s garbage
is my
garbage
but you are happy
a sign of yard sale is heaven
isn’t it
a lunchbox from a sitcom
from 1973 that nobody remembers
is only 95
dollars
thermos included
an earwax washer
only slightly used
a grey frilly table cloth
once white
a mexican poncho
from sears roebuck
really
You peel out the bills
like a kumquat
and fill the car
with junk
we’ll never
use
Extra points if you catch the reference to Frank Zappa 😉
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Worth the wait, Trent. Good job!
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Thanks, Chelsea. trying to do my bit to make the world a “better” place with some bad poetry 😉
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A noble cause!
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Yes, a very noble cause!
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It was today, in fact:
Dozens of us, gathered in one place hoping to divest
At least a part of the clutter gotten from yet another
Medium channeling second-hand nick for which
They had a knack, a paddy full of wack, whatever
Those are.
The iris bulbs we labored to pull from the stubborn
Crowded soil. Those went best, one dollar a dozen.
Most of the rest sat like a lump or hung from the rod.
Going nowhere. Everyone had much the same kind of
Unneeded stuff.
At least the local helper of the disadvantaged poor
Brought their empty trailer and left it parked.
I can feel good that the surplus winter gear can
Keep someone warm when they would otherwise
be exposed and freezing.
Best of all, I didn’t have
To take any of it back home.
Next time, we will go straight to give
Completely bypassing sell again
Altogether.
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🙂 Funny references, Jon! Good work!
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first light on the first day of the rest of my life.
i leap from my bed and fling up the sash.
my heart also leaps from its bed and flings up my mood.
the sun and birdsong and automatic-sprinkler sounds hit me in the face.
i fling off my pajamas and some lingering doubts.
skip breakfast although it’s the most important meal.
go out front and pull up the croquet wickets and collect the newspaper.
i’m clearing the front yard.
hurry to telephone poles around the neighborhood and tack up my signs.
and back home, roust out the kids and feed them.
and finally, out front with them where i attach all the price tags.
they’re expensive but worth it and even if i sell only one it would be a great start.
https://joem18b.wordpress.com/2019/09/14/yard-sale/
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Argh! The “Night Before Christma” reference and bits about sprinklers and flinging pajamas brought this to the finals. 😀
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I’ve kinda rhymed mine and it’s not exactly on subject. But it is less than 150 words – just. So I’ve ejected myself from the contest.
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So… you’re trying to lose?
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Clearly I can’t follow instructions so I am a loser.
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Hey! None of that.
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Also, would you consider guest-judging sometime?
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Ok.
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😀
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Well, THAT was enthusiastic.
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Here’s mine: https://theabjectmuse.me/2019/09/18/ode-to-sweat/
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https://pensitivity101.wordpress.com/2019/09/18/the-weekly-terrible-poetry-contest/
Stalls left and right,
Goodies to be seen and had.
Certain things for pence or a pound,
A bargain if you knew what to look for.
Look at that!
I had one like it,
Time to get me a pair
If I can remember where I put the other.
Bookends or doorstops,
I’ll make use of it.
Ten pounds goes a long way
With Christmas coming,
Rubber ducks, paperbacks,
Toys and games in battered boxes,
Glasses, ornaments,
Something for everyone.
Beggars can’t be choosers,
Nice to be remembered
And it is the thought that counts.
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Hi, I’m Lou. I got inspired by your terrible poetry contest. Hope you enjoy! https://spacetimebae.wordpress.com/2019/09/18/fleas-in-my-basket/
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Hi, Lou! I read them all Friday and am excited to read yours!
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Susan made me do this. https://tedstrutz.com/2019/09/18/sailing-2/
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😀 I’m glad she did!
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Here’s my stream of consciousness. I mean poem. https://rhscribbles.wordpress.com/2019/09/18/the-weekly-terrible-poetry-contest-2nd-hand-sales/
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Hi Chelsea, my go:
https://summerstommy.com/2019/09/19/the-weekly-terrible-poetry-contest-the-garage-sale/
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Thanks!
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Hmmm… my pingback does not seem to have worked. 😦 ( and i put in the right page link this time).
I’ve tried switching from Chrome to Firefox to do my internet browsing recently, which has it’s own issues that i’m endeavouring to overcome that might have something to do with it?
Anyway my poem/post is here: https://lovewillbringustogether.wordpress.com/2019/09/19/terrible-poetry-secondhand-sales-rose/
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I don’t. I’ve even had someone swear they used the form and it never showed up for me.
Thanks for your understanding. I think it’s just WordPress.
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I just got the pingback.
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More Than What You Bargained For
Yes, ma’am what we have here is a bonafide Tupperware collection of warped plastic. They were used to store the leftover bread from the feeding of the 5,000.
And over here? Well that’s my collection of Pet Rocks. They all have Ph.D.’s. Piled High Deeper, you know. That’s a rock thing.
Oh, that milk jug there? Glad you asked. Lincoln drank out out of that. And that toothbrush? Made out of Washington’s false teeth, the wooden kind.
This here gun was used in the Revolution; and this necklace? Worn on the neck of the queen herself. Queen Cleopatra that is. Victoria’s sold yesterday, I’m afraid.
Well here, how about this book : it’s an ancient copy of Chelsea Owen’s “Terrible Poetry Guide.” It was printed nearly a hundred years ago. She defines free verse on page 63.
And this ain’t it, son.
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This was wonderfully terrible, P’Arc! You were one of my finalists.
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I live to displease. 😉😊😆
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