The Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest

Chel Owens

Hello, unsuspecting readers. Come! Come in! Welcome to the 46th Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest.

Ancient texts on bad poetry may be found in multiple tomes; including this one, here. Do not mind the bloodstains. Yes, that may be brain matter -but, most likely not human. Simply open the text and prepare your mind against what will arise from within.

  1. Our Theme, lucky mortals, is a poem of haunting. Specifically, write a recipe for a spell or brew.
  2. The Length depends on ingredients necessary and the language of your incantations (or, those of your Master).
  3. Some -say, of the Macbeth camp- choose to Rhyme their works. Although it may lend power to your process, ’tis fully voluntary to do so.
  4. In case you have not heard, Make it terrible! The ghouls, demons, and even imps of The Underworld (AKA Wal-mart) will appear from the depths of their hiding places (AKA the clearance racks) to moan and despair for the future of your poetic writing.
  5. The Rating may be PG-13 or cleaner.

You have till 8:00 a.m. MST next Friday (October 11) to submit a poem.

Use the form below to hide your identity for a week.

For instant fame amongst Earthly inhabitants, include your poem or a link to it in the comments. Do not depend on WordPress’ pingbacks alone, truly a work of those same Wal-mart imps we wish to avoid.

May arcane inspiration bear you to greater depths of atrocity.

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Photo credit: Image by loulou Nash from Pixabay

28 thoughts on “The Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest”

  1. A Nasty Spell

    Boil, boil
    A bit of basil
    Add more olive oil
    Some witch hazel
    Tooth of hen
    Toe of frog
    Mud from the fen
    And earwax from a dog
    Some eye of Newt
    …
    No, not Gingrich!
    Disgusting, you wit
    Such a nasty witch!
    …
    We say the spell
    …
    And, ehhh,
    That eye, Hell!
    It’s watching you!
    …
    Remind me to never
    Create a hex
    With you ever
    You don’t follow the text

    OK, that was my terrible poem for the week. If the bad rhymes doesn’t make a gremlin retch, I don’t know what will 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I apologize for the slightly morbid nature of the incantation

    O fortl tew hir jatl ebuvi the hurozum,
    dicurelomg and chiiromg the isivelid
    sphiri thi hed jatl bigam lu nuvi om;
    gsolliromg soki the nurmomg tler – fass
    uf sofi and tpsimduar and juy.
    Bal, uh, whel e rivusaloum!

    Liked by 4 people

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  4. Spell of Invisibility

    to become unseen first remove your clotheen
    this spell does not work on your tutu or muumuu

    if you’re a kid don’t you dare become bare
    spells come from hell so you have messed up
    get back dressed up

    now that you grownups are naked it’s time to get bak-ed
    find some prime chronic and smoke it like tonic

    repeat that last step, beth, but this time with meth
    now crunched, dude, you got to get krunked

    repeat that last step, bloke, but this time with coke
    now blowed, vato, you got to get throwed

    and now you’re ready to go, baby
    and i don’t mean maybe

    walk out on the street
    go on
    no one can see you
    but take it slow, bro

    note: avoid invisibility cloaks. your feet hang out.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Crackles & Cackles

    Tooth, fang, eye of toad.
    Hurry, hurry, PETA’s on the phone!
    Come, come, more evil things we need
    To finish this spell, to hasten its speed.
    What do we choose? Bloody armor, a bloody mary, or even unwashed unmentionables?
    A rope, fresh from a hanging, the ectoplasm of a ghost or a wing of a bat?
    Oh Heavens and Hades, we need something more evil than that!

    Nay, bring me that tome from the vault, yes, the one right over there, in-between the mummy’s teeth and the vampire’s sash. But not to be confused with the earrings of Sinbad.

    TERRIBLE POETRY 101, the spine reads in blood.
    I cackle, I chortle; oh this is such fun!
    Yes, that’ll do the trick. This spell is now done.

    Liked by 1 person

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  10. BTW… Is there a reason for the disconnect between the number of the Weekly TPC and the number of the post’s URL?? ( 46 v 41?? ) 🤔

    Like

      1. A-Ha!

        Thought you might be like me and forget to change the number once in a while? ( Daily Funnies have been known to duplicate days – No-one ever warns me.) 😦

        Liked by 1 person

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