The Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest

Chel Owens

Welcome to the Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest #47!

Are you confused about how to terribly poem? I’ve got you covered with a basic overview, here. Mostly, I seek the complete destruction of a poem’s construction over the revulsion of the subject.

Here are the specifics:

  1. At the excellent suggestion of Deb Whittam, our Topic is fractured nursery rhymes. Since I’ve done this category before, the rule is that you must take an existing nursery rhyme as your base.
    Mess up Mary’s lamb. Make Jack and Jill lose their heads; literally. Turn Little Jack Horner’s plum into a shark.
  2. The Length is determined by the rhyme you choose. No, you needn’t do every stanza of “Old Mother Hubbard.” It’s up to you.
  3. In terms of Rhyming, that is also dependent on the one you choose. All the ones I’ve read rhyme, so you can count on doing the same.
  4. Please, young writers, Make it terrible! Mother Goose will spontaneously molt at the very mention of your name and children everywhere will be permanently scarred for six months.
  5. The target audience is children, so a G-Rating is necessary.

You have till 9:00 a.m. MST next Friday (October 18) to submit a poem.

Use the form below if you want to be anonymous for a week.

If not, and for a more social experience, include your poem or a link to it in the comments. Please also comment if you post to your site, since WordPress’ pingbacks are not reliable.

Have fun!

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Photo credit: Charles 🇵🇭

34 thoughts on “The Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest”

  1. I shouldn’t post this… It goes against my very nature. But I did my best to do my worst…

    Ma said I wasn’t a good righter… Boy did I proof her wrong! (That’s the title)

    By Heather Bergen

    Little Boo Creep,
    Likes to kick Sheep,
    But missed and kicked right beside them,
    She kicked a stone,
    And broke her own bone,
    Now she sits on a tuffet.
    Like a sad baby muppet,
    Eating her actions all day.
    Along came a farmer,
    Who wanted to harm her.
    But instead gave her sheep some more…Hay Diddle diddle
    Boo Creep starts to fiddle,
    The sheep have plenty of room.
    The farmer was glad to see such a sight.
    And randomly jumped to the
    moonlight, so bright
    One moon I see tonight
    I wish I may,
    I wish I might,
    This awful rhyme,
    Forget tonight.

    🤦🏼‍♀️

    Liked by 4 people

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  4. I’ll write one but… Here’s one I learned as a kid….

    Mary had a little lamb
    A lobster and some prunes
    A glass of milk a piece of pie and then some macaroons
    It made the naughty waiters laugh to see her order so
    And when they carried Mary out her face was white as snow.

    …. There are variations out there…..

    Liked by 2 people

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  9. Grumpy Humpty

    Humpty Dumpty sat on the fence
    And the top wire was barbed and went right through his pants.
    All the king’s nurses with skills so superior
    Refused to bandage up Humpty’s posterior.

    Liked by 3 people

  10. I took the ‘fracture’ part too seriously.

    Baa-baa inclusive sheep

    Baa, baa, black sheep,
    (Or brown sheep,
    or white sheep,
    or Asian sheep,
    because it’s important to be inclusive)
    Have you any wool?
    {Or cotton, for that matter
    for the people living in tropical climates,
    Plus just wool won’t do any good to those living in the Arctic
    Or the Antarctic
    Also, we need semi-cold fabrics
    For temperate climates)

    Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full!
    (Or ma’am,
    Or revered person who’s neither
    Ma’am or sir)
    One for the master,
    (Or mistress,
    Or genderqueer person,
    Or bigender person,
    Or agender person)
    And one for the dame,
    (Or sir,
    Or Mx.
    Or Ind.)

    One for the little boy
    (Or girl,
    Or-better yet- child)

    Who lives down the lane.
    (Nothing politically incorrect here,
    But do save a wool blanket for me, sheep
    Because I have insomnia
    From being too woke.)

    Liked by 3 people

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  15. Row row row your boat updated….

    Row, row, row your brexit

    Gently wants to make me scream

    Terribly, terribly, terribly, terribly

    Life is but a dirty scheme

    Bankers, fill, fill fill your boots

    Gently wrecking our kids dreams

    Horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly

    Life is ruled by corrupt regimes

    Row, row, row your lies

    Gently down the pan

    Stupidly, stupidly, stupidly, stupidly
    
Life is run by an ignorant racist madman

    Hedge funds , screw screw screw your world
    
Gently throw the climate down the garbage can

    Corruptly, corruptly, corruptly, corruptly

    Life is a dream if you are the bogeyman


    Liked by 3 people

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