The Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest

Chel Owens

Welcome back! I hope you’ve all used your break in the least productive ways possible and that your poetry will suffer accordingly. This is, after all, the Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest #53!

It’s been awhile, so maybe brush up on what’s expected, here. Writing bad poetry is an art, much like crafting mud pies with broken fingers.

Here are the specifics for this week:

  1. Let’s start off with a fun Topic: commercial jingles. Pick a product and *wow* us with an awful little diddy.
  2. Most commercials have a short runtime, so keep the Length fairly short as well.
  3. Do you need to Rhyme? No, but catchy tales bring in more sales.
  4. Look, chum: just Make it terrible. Make your audience sit up, take notice, and frantically push the Mute button until the horror passes.
  5. This needs to be appropriate for General Audiences. Write accordingly.

You have till 8:00 a.m. MST next Friday (January 10, 2020) to submit a poem.

Use the form below if you want to be anonymous for a week.

If not, and for a more social experience, include your poem or a link to it in the comments. Please also comment if you linkback but don’t see the notification in the comments within 24 hours.

Have fun!

victoria-kubiaki-yeFJNtA3604-unsplash.jpg

Photo credit:
Victória Kubiaki

29 thoughts on “The Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest”

  1. Smoke the cig that’s the best
    Go ahead and forget the rest!
    It’s your life we try to fit
    Even though we shorten it by a little bit
    Everyone will know you are cool
    (While we kill and rob you like a fool)
    A great product that tastes like dung
    And destroys every cell of your lung!
    So go ahead and take a toke
    Of our great name brand smoke!

    Liked by 3 people

          1. At one time they at least pretended they thought it was healthy, but I’ve read things from the 1920s and before that the people knew it was bad, they just didn’t know how bad. Yeah, you’re right, even in the late 50s, though, the cig companies put themselves out as being super healthy…

            Liked by 1 person

  2. Buy our cat food

    Cat food! Cat food! Buy our Cat food!
    Be a cool dude and buy our Cat food!
    I don’t want to be rude
    But other brands of Cat food
    Aren’t as goo-ed.

    It’s more than they could wish
    When you put it in their Cat food dish.
    So fill those hungry tummies
    With Cat food that’s yummy.

    Cat food! Cat food! Buy our Cat food!
    Be a cool dude and buy our Cat food!

    When you’ve finished feeding those hungry boys
    Let’s hope there’s something left over for the Cat.

    Liked by 5 people

  3. We can stick it up our noses
    We can rub it on our gums
    We can sprinkle it like sugar
    And lick it with our tongues

    It’s dusty white and naughty
    It doesn’t carry tax
    It’s far less calorific
    Than your average Pepsi Max.

    The moral of this ditty
    Is when you go for broke
    Ignore all other stimulants
    And stick with good old Coke

    Liked by 5 people

  4. If you got an awful case of halitosis
    From devouring Garlic and limburger
    And dang your breath is atrocious
    Then have a chew
    On our wintry minty gum called Goo
    And know that you did stink
    Its not just some psychosis.
    Goo Gum available in cherry, watermelon, orange and blue

    Liked by 4 people

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  8. You don’t got time to waste
    So we better just cut to the chase
    Get a load of our spackling paste!
    Hey!

    Fill a hole or fix your wall
    It’s a wonder you don’t just use it all
    On a hole that you punched in your hall-
    Way!

    So grab some spackling paste today!
    Okay!

    Liked by 2 people

  9. I think maybe I submitted using the form by accident, so my apologies if this is a double entry:

    Fast Food, Fast Fat

    Oh what’s the best solution to a dietary convolution?
    Why the things that make your taste buds scream!
    Designed by evolution to make your constitution stronger than any in this here institution.
    It’s fats, oils and salts, delivered in abundance by your friend and pal, Ray Kroc!
    Come on over, you’ll get addicted to the sugar;
    Twenty years of your life–taken!–and diabetes is what we’ll serve ya!
    So come on down and oh, have a bite
    It’s the devil’s way of having a res-pite.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Can I do another? This doesn’t really have to be part of the Contest 😉

    When Mother
    Talks to Jupiter
    Or one of its moons

    And you see your brother
    Out back
    Answering the loons

    Show them you care
    Dress them in style

    We hold them dear
    With fabric by the mile

    Don’t go for half
    Nelson’s is best!

    Tailors of craft
    Fuller than the rest

    So when another
    family member
    Croons

    From the cover
    Of uranium enriched
    Dunes

    Don’t throw them in a sack-ette
    Put them in a Nelson’s
    Full Straight Jacket!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I think most of us know one or two people that would look good in one 😉 And I hope people caught my puns about half and full nelsons, which are restraining moves in wrestling (a full nelson is usually illegal).

        Liked by 1 person

  11. For that time when the runner has gone thud

    And his clothes are covered in filthy mud

    When soap and water won’t do the job

    And that runner doesn’t want to look a slob
    
In need of rescue after that mossy wall

    Which hero are you going to call?

    With just 5 scoops your colours will banish

    But that mud will be gone thanks to VANISH.

    Liked by 1 person

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