The Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest 2/22 – 2/28/2020

Chel Owens

Welcome to the Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest #60! I can hardly believe we’ve lasted this long. There’ve been some rough patches, some thrown dishes, but I think we’ve reached a mutual affection along the way.

Although we’ve had a long relationship, you may wish for some instructions regarding bad poetry. A brief, helpful outline may be found here. Bad poetry is an art, much like sculpting with peanut butter or coloring with tomatoes.

Got it? Oh, well. Here are the specifics for this week:

  1. Apparently, the big six-oh means DIAMONDS. So, your Topic is anniversaries. You can write about #60, #80, or even #6 months -you romantic fool, you.
  2. Keep the Length between 5 and 205 words.
  3. Rhyming isn’t everything, but can help the cringe level of a poem.
  4. Geez, man; just make it terrible. Make your 80-years-strong sweetheart question the day she said, “I do,” even after 80.08333 years of putting up with you.
  5. This is about love and anniversaries, right? I’m therefore cool with a G-Rating. (You can be clever without being explicit. You’ve been at this 59 times, ya know…)

You have till 8:00 a.m. MST next Friday (February 28) to submit a poem.

Use the form below if you want to be anonymous for a week.

If not, and for a more social experience, include your poem or a link to it in the comments. If you link back from your blog, leave a comment if it doesn’t show up in a day.

Have fun!

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Photo credit: Adika Suhari

28 thoughts on “The Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest 2/22 – 2/28/2020”

  1. Transcripts Used by the Defense at the Trial

    Happy Anni, my dear
    Let’s celebrate and have a beer!
    I know you like fine wine
    But tonight a Bud is fine
    I’ll even pay the fine since double-“A” says “No!”
    That’s one club I think I’ll blow
    I’m not off the wagon, dear one
    I just want a little Anniversary fun!
    Yeah, I know keeping me straight is your mission
    Maybe I’ll just sneak some booze when I’m out fishin’
    Didn’t I tell you about it?
    The guys rented a boat and seven of us will fit!
    Yeah, it’s later I’m going to catch some fishes
    And you can stay home and wash all the dishes
    Since I invite the gang over for lunch
    Hurry and cook something for my bunch!
    What’d you mean I’m leaving my paddle as I go up the creek
    Since we’ve been married just a week?
    You should dance and sing a song
    I’ve never committed to anything quite this long!
    So happy Anni, my wife
    And just think, this is how it will be the rest of your life!!

    Liked by 3 people

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  5. A gem of a marriage

    We married young and liked our fun
    As do healthy boys and girls
    We stayed quite flirty at year thirty
    Romping on a bed of pearls.

    We didn’t brag cos we were glad
    To bounce around like newbies
    We’d kept it naughty at year forty
    So we deserved those rubies.

    Time has passed, we can’t be arsed
    And faking it’s not clever.
    Still the wife’s still frisky at year sixty
    So these diamonds are for Eva.

    Liked by 4 people

  6. Gone all Western with this one, with the love story that Hollywood would never tell. https://sixcrookedhighwaysblog.wordpress.com/2020/02/24/perce-p-cassidy-and-the-sunblock-kid/

    Perce P Cassidy and the Sunblock Kid

    60 years they been ridin’ together
    only these days they ride by rail,
    Perce’s face like Nebuchadnezzar,
    The Kid a whiter shade of pale.

    Despite all that Hollywood drivel
    These two are indefatigable
    Although The Kid has developed a dribble
    And Perce has a ring that’s inflatable.

    Just when The Kid thought he’d forgotten
    Perce flourished a diamond ring
    It’s origins of course misbegotten
    But The Kid always loved the bling.

    Now don’t go round town flashin’
    that ring, old Perce he roughly croaks
    Folks might get the wrong idea, Kid,
    That we’re not pure manly blokes.

    The Kid smiled and said he’d ne’er tell
    And closer to Perce he did scootch
    And whispered into his ear-like shell
    ‘Oh, Perce, you were always so Butch.’

    Liked by 1 person

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  8. Anniversary threnody

    Today is our anniversary
    And I’m just writing to say
    I hate your guts.
    No ifs or buts;
    I hate your guts.
    And God knows
    You’ve plenty of guts –
    Not courage but great wads of fat
    Hanging over the top of your belt
    Like a petrified tsunami
    Brought about by eating too much pastrami.

    We had known each other for almost two whole days,
    And when you left
    I was bereft.
    That was a week ago today
    And although me and me dog
    Don’t want to flog
    A dead horse, on the way out you should’ve known
    That you were driving over my precious drone.

    Liked by 1 person

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  10. Anniversary

    I want you to really know right now
    This day I’m going to make you go wow
    Surprise! It is our anniversary today
    We’ve been together for one whole day!

    I treasure every moment I’m with you
    And I really hope you feel the same way too
    I just love following you around
    Even when you seem to go to ground

    I just can’t wait when we dine tonight
    With your skin looking lovely and white
    I love it so much I’d wear it myself
    Or possibly leave it dangling from a shelf

    Anyways, this night I have a big surprise in store
    It will probably make you drop your jaw!
    I’m going to ask you to marry me
    Because I think we are truly meant to be

    So please say yes because I don’t know what I’d do
    Without you, say no you’ll really end up in the poo

    Joanne Fisher

    Liked by 2 people

  11. Cheers

    Annually I greet thee
    Laying among the leaves scattered on the ground
    It’s almost winter here now, you would have liked it.
    Frost in window corners, school buses making their rounds.
    It’s too bad you smacked your lips one too many times at the dinner table
    And belched Beethoven’s 5th at every chance you had.
    Maybe I could’ve overlooked that and the many other troubling manners you possessed.
    If only you had faster reflexes than I when I sat behind the wheel…

    Ah, well, ’tis life.
    Ten feet to you under ground, I toast my wine glass to you above.
    A delightful pig lies here, sending up a treadmarked, contented burp.
    I picked Merlot this year.
    From me to you, cheers. 🐖

    Liked by 2 people

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