The Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest 3/7 – 3/13/2020

It’s terrible poetry time, here for its 62nd week!

If you’d like some guidance, read my basic outline here. I also think last week‘s method of construction was an excellent one for bad poetry creation. Or, you can always have a friendly kindergartener invent one.

Here are the specifics for this week:

  1. The Topic is the cute (or ‘cute’) things that kids say. I’ll admit I’m more inspired by the parenthetical version after our dinner conversations lately. What is it with young children (perhaps just with boys) and potty humor? Do they really think meals are the best place to discuss vomit?
  2. We’re talking kids here, so the Length may be quite short (barely learning to talk) or quite long (talks your ear off about Minecraft).
    …Don’t make the judge suffer too much.
  3. Rhyming is optional, or entirely concerned with the word ‘fart.’
  4. It’s likely to not need much help in this department, but try to make it terrible. Make my young children giggle and start chanting lines from your poem whilst pointing at a brother in an insulting way.
  5. Kids sometimes say words they ought not to, but let’s keep the Rating an optimistic G.

You have till 8:00 a.m. MST next Friday (the 13th!) to submit a poem.

Use the form below if you want to be anonymous for a week.

If not, and for a more social experience, include your poem or a link to it in the comments. Please comment if your pingback doesn’t show up within a day.

Reach for the kid inside and have fun!


Photo credit: abdelkader ft

23 thoughts on “The Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest 3/7 – 3/13/2020

  1. Airs And Graces.
    Aw, Mom, whats in this bowl?
    I wouldn’t touch it with a ten-foot pole!
    I don’t care what you say it contains
    It looks like a pile of monkey brains!
    I don’t believe that’s cauliflower cheese,
    It looks even worser than carrots and peas,
    And if it repeats the same as baked beans
    Everyone here nose what that means.
    I don’t wanna taste that gross goo,
    It won’t taste a thing like tiramisu,
    That snotty sauce, stinky chunky and thick,
    It smells like farts and looks like a bowl of sick.
    Mom, you can go ahead and reheat it,
    But Mom, ain’t no way I’m gonna eat it,
    Hot or cold, I’m only gonna leave it,
    Mom, take it away before I heave it…

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I didn’t see the above form was anonymous. Why would I want to be anonymous when I am such a gifted writer??? Anyway I told Chelsea I couldn’t do this and she insisted, so here goes… Billy Dunnit So if this is not lame or doesn’t suck enough to win, then blame Ms Owens.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. So here goes with the philosophy of our very own wise one. So many to go for yet so few will rhyme…

    ‘Apart from his girl like eye lashes, thankfully no sign of dad in me’
    ‘Of all the festive colours, my muppet Dad bought a black Christmas Tree’
    On a packed French TGV ‘why does the food smell of wee’
    To someone from Ireland ‘apart from the rain, wind and cold is it like Hawaii’
    Shouting ‘he’s got rabies’ to a poor bearded man on a train
    To a mum in the playground ‘my dad fancies someone called Shania Twain’
    ‘Dad it’s rude to say fart you need to call it a bottom burp’
    ‘My Dad is a muppet, funny but such a twerp’
    ‘I can’t eat that carrot, it looks like a willy’
    ‘That looks like sick’ the day school served chilli
    To his nursery teacher ‘my dad let’s me watch Frankenstein’
    ‘My teacher broke a cup and said a funny word, what does F*** mean’

    Liked by 1 person

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