Life, Depression, Breakdowns, and Blogging

Chel Owens

Life’s crazy sometimes.

Actually, life’s pretty boring if you’re an adult stuck in-between events. Like in the film Groundhog Day, each morning brings the same alarm which leads to the same breakfast cereal which leads to the same commute which leads to the same workday which leads to the same after-workday and housework. Exciting changes come in the form of bills (yay!) and the dishwasher breaking (double-yay!)

Lately, however, change has come creeping around like the green mist in Charleton Heston’s The Ten Commandments. At the advice of leaders, people have closed their doors, painted the lintels with sanitizer, and plan to stay inside till respiratory failure passes over.

I do not know how the Coronavirus news affected you, but ours was neither Groundhog Day nor The Ten Commandments. Ours was more of an accidentally-released film that started out with Alfred Hitchcock suspense, then lost all funding and turned into whatever the actors could come up with on the fly. We then got action, horror, comedy, bad stunts, feel-good moments, and even subtitles for when the grocery store workers watched their display of canned vegetables disappear for the umpteenth time.

Seemingly some of the few doing this, Kevin and I viewed the previews for this bad movie and planned accordingly. Still; when I read about this and this and this closing whilst listening to my baby’s coughing from a bad cold whilst tasting that chocolate I ate that yet again broke my diet -whilst probably experiencing postpartum hormones…

I broke.

Life was too much.

Blogging and all it entails was too much.

I wrote my last epistle, forever, and logged off. After a day of consideration, I logged on and added a note so as not to scare anyone.

A side effect of all this is a new desire for more privacy in my thoughts and feelings, so I will not go into many details besides these few. Even this much information is more than I wish to explain regarding my sudden change and my dramatic withdrawal.

My go-to in life is to numb, but I’ve taken it too far. I’m in The Matrix. Furthermore, I’m Cypher, intentionally trying to get plugged in despite tasting the freedom of The Real World. In the absence of godlike powers of Kung Fu and Jiu Jitsu, I concluded that life will always be the repetitive lines of off-green code that dictate a pre-programmed outcome that I will never change.

But; some tiny, immature, insecure person is still inside. It was she who woke, stamped her foot, and told Older Me to knock it off. Stop numbing. Stop plugging into the internet. Start living.

She knows I want to feel again; to live again.

And so, there are going to be some changes around here. I must, for my health and my life, prioritize what is real. I must connect with my family. Heck -I must connect with my bedroom wall, getting my brain to realize the wall is really there and really cold and really really real.

If you are experiencing similar numbness or disassociation, call your therapist or psychologist or whateverist. It’s not sustainable. It’s not real. It’s NOT what you want.

…and we woke to earthquakes this morning. If it gets any more funtastic around here, you may not hear from me till next year.
—————-

Since I checked out last week, here are the past two weeks. Bonus!
Wednesday, March 4: Complained about WordPress’ issues in “Dammit, WordPress!”

Thursday, March 5: Throwback Thursday: “Motivation.”

Friday, March 6: Winner of the Weekly Terribly Poetry Contest. Congratulations to EVERYONE!

Saturday, March 7: Announced the 62nd Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest.

Sunday, March 8: Suffered a mental breakdown, and said, “Goodbye.”

Monday, March 9: An inspirational quote by Corrie Ten Boom.

March 10 – 12: Nothing.

Friday, March 13: Winner of the Weekly Terribly Poetry Contest. Congratulations to Ellen!

Saturday, March 14: Announced the 63rd Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest. The theme is a limerick about hoarding during a catastrophe. PLEASE ENTER!

Also, I shared and featured my hope for how people are dealing with the COVID-19 scare.

Sunday, March 15: Nothing.

Monday, March 16: An inspirational quote by Terry Pratchett.

Tuesday, March 17: “Going Postal, I,” the first in a short series inspired by my postman.

Wednesday, March 18: Today.

I also posted on my motherhood site. I wrote “Super Parent or …Me?,” “Background Noises,” and “Oh, Baby.”

 

Photo Credit: GIPHY
Photo by Ekaterina Kartushina on Unsplash
Photo by Delaney Dawson on Unsplash
Photo by MI PHAM on Unsplash
Photo by Roland Hechanova on Unsplash

 

©2020 Chelsea Owens

49 thoughts on “Life, Depression, Breakdowns, and Blogging”

  1. Last year my sister-in-law’s family had a devastating life change and couldn’t wait for 2019 to be over. I think we all expected 2020 to be better, but it got bad really fast. I pride myself on being super organized and a great planner, but having my husband working from home, my Kindergartener needing to be homeschooled, and my toddler thinking I still have all the time in the world to play with her, oh, and chores, I’m breaking. I’ve read some bloggers are planning on posting more to provide more positivity and means of escape from reality, but I’m thinking of withdrawing more. Hey, LA could have used your earthquake. We’re used to them and maybe it would rattle some sense into people. Or just be a nice break from this thing going around. The only thing keeping me going right now are all the toilet paper jokes, but I know it’ll grow old soon. I’m keeping you in my thoughts and wishing for the best for you and your family!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. As it would most people. Just take a breather and look after yourself first. X you got this. In a couple of months you will, like most of us be pleased and proud you got through. Take care lady your blog friends will be here when you decide to come back. X

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Seriously, Utah, an earthquake? You think also those Social Distancing folks are bored and need something to liven things up? Give it a rest!

    Hang in there, Chelsea. We shall overcome. Build a toilet paper fort and hunker down with the boys!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Taking care of yourself while taking care of others is indeed a tough situation, and when the world gets even crazier it’s understandable the need to step back. Be well, and we’ll look forward to your posts when you are ready.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Just echoing the others in saying stay safe and be well. Rest, and never be worried about taking breaks from anything, or beating yourself up because you’re not meeting any tagets you want… it’s so important to step back time to time and try to ground yourself in all the chaos that goes on around us, especially now in these so testing times. Hug 🙂 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Hang tough, lady. You have so much to offer. By all means you and your family must take priority. Physical and mental health have got to be preserved, promoted, encouraged regularly. I’m replying from my basement as I ride my bike on the trainer. It’s one of those things that keeps me connected to the real without focusing on all the things that are way beyond my control. Take care of what is precious.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Take time to recharge. Blog life isn’t real life.

    (I think the virus and stuff is adding just enough stress on people that this is happening – I think your situation has a lot of different effects on you, but if being “a part of something” helps you, know that you’re not alone).

    Liked by 1 person

  16. You aren’t alone. I just stopped for a week, myself. Nothing seems real because the people in charge aren’t ACTING like things are real. Besides, you can’t be Cypher… you look too much like Trinity…

    Liked by 1 person

Comments are closed.