The Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest 4/11 – 4/17/2020 AKA 11/4 – 17/4/2020

Chel Owens

Hello all, and welcome to our prestigious contest. Most of the time, we’re searching for that little something that every single new poet does over and over, and with great feeling. This week, however, we’re mixing it up a bit.

  1. The Topic is a parody of a popular song on the theme of COVID-19. Yep, I’m asking for a Coronavirus song parody.
  2. For Length: No, I’m not expecting every verse and chorus, especially if you do “Bohemian Rhapsody.” A verse or two and a chorus ought to be great.
  3. If the song rhymes, you must rhyme.
  4. This issue is a bit close to home for many of us, so keep the terribleness funny. Please do not be insensitive or over-violent or such.
  5. Rating? PG or G. My kids will want to hear it.

You have till 8:00 a.m. MDT next Friday (April 17) to submit a poem. *!!ALSO!!* My husband has agreed to sing a recording of the winner’s song.

Use the form below if you want to be anonymous for a week.

If not, and for a more social experience, include your poem or a link to it in the comments. Please let me know if I miss your pingback or poem.

Have fun!

Videos © their creators

Click That ‘A’ Now, One More Time

by Chelsea Owens

Oh, hubby, kiddies; why did you go make a hole
In something I just bought you?
Oh, baby, sonny; as mother, I should have known,
And now you’re out of undies.

Don’t show me
What ‘commando’ me-eans
Don’t tell me, ’cause I had a brother -oh, oh boy!

My spendthriftness is buggin’ me
To just spend less, I must achieve (must achieve).
When they’re all naked, I go online.
-If it ships on time-
Click that ‘A’ now, make it Prime!

©2020 Chelsea Owens

61 thoughts on “The Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest 4/11 – 4/17/2020 AKA 11/4 – 17/4/2020”

  2. Does anyone remember that ghastly show ‘The Love Boat’? I don’t really remember the theme song and I doubt that I could make it much worse. It went something like this ….

    Love, exciting and new
    Come aboard. we’re infecting you.
    Love, let’s all get in close.
    My darling, can I give you a dose?
    The love boat, with passengers old an vague
    The love boat soon will be spreading another plague
    Set a course for the hospital
    Your mind on rewriting your will
    If I don’t survive this I won’t pay the bill.

    Love. It won’t go away.
    The cabin next door
    Didn’t wake up for breakfast today
    Love. That we can all share
    And finish our holiday here in intensive care
    The love boat will soon have the world on its knees
    The love boat. Where they incubate love and infectious disease
    Please step away I think I’m about to sneeze.

    Love. What a wonderful cruise
    The mortality’s high
    But we’re lapping up all the free booze
    Love. Menage a trois?
    If you’re breathing tomorrow I’ll see you both down by the bar
    The love boat. Don’t pay them in cash
    The love boat. More than an embarrassing rash
    Let’s hope they don’t throw us out with the trash

    Liked by 6 people

  3. There are a lot of good ones out there. I did see the Sound of Music one, but not the other two. Pretty good. Like your take. Darn, I can’t just do one off of the top of my head this week 😉 I’ll think about it…

    Liked by 1 person

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  5. If this gets posted twice I apologize. It was being kind of weird for me.

    Close Yourself
    A Parody of “Lose Yourself” By Eminem
    By Dumbestblogger

    Look
    If you had
    One cough
    One fever temperature
    That could possibly mean COVID-19
    With no treatment
    Would you stay inside
    And not take a trip?

    Yo
    His plans were ready, two weeks, temperature steady
    He’s coughing on his dear aunt Betty, she’s not ready
    Needs nurses, clean surfaces, soap and water
    Will right wrongs, but sometimes he forgets
    To just stay home, he wants to go out
    He makes up a route, but can’t even buy trout
    He’s breathin’ loud, everybody’s worried now
    Masks help in reality, no room now for leavity
    Oh, here’s a pandemic, no joke
    He feels bad, it’s so tough to be sneezy! Oh!
    He can’t have it! No, not COVID, he hopes
    To make the curve flatter. At home, he stays there out of soap
    It’s so flagrant. The Pope, he wants ventilators in Rome. Hey what’s this?
    Back to the lab again yo, make a vaccine ready
    Better let go of this Pangolin and hope he don’t eat it

    You better, close yourself in you home, your apartment
    You know it, you better never, ever, ever go!
    You only have one cough, but sneezing is how it grows!
    This COVID-19 could end somebody’s lifetime
    You better

    He sure like’s vaping, could be better at breaking
    The lung’s for COVID’s taking
    What a fling, China likes the World Health Org’ers
    The staying home is boring, and now we’re really closing the border!
    His breathing gets harder, fever gets hotter
    He blows his nose harder, He knows he should stay in
    Host to host blows, he could be a major infector
    Lonely homes, job market slows, he’s chosen working from home, near the larder
    He stays home, and barely even hears his own laughter
    He blows his nose, and here comes the old farter
    The store doesn’t have it no more, no toilet products
    Virus moved to the next soul it goes, his nose roves and he needs sanitizer
    So soap bill just grows, and slows, I hope this whole COVID, the virus goes on
    Da-da-dum, da-dum, da-da

    You better, close yourself in you home, your apartment
    You know it, you better never, ever, ever go!
    You only have one cough, but sneezing is how it grows!
    This COVID-19 could end somebody’s lifetime
    You better

    Liked by 3 people

  6. Space For Mom.

    Stacey’s mom, she’s got it goin’ on,
    Stacey’s mom, she’s always been the one,
    Stacey’s mom, since adolescence has begun,
    Stacey’s mom, in my dreams she’s coming on.

    Stacey can I come over after school (after school)
    Can I lay by your pool thinking of your mom (and drool)
    Stacey has your mom come back from her New York trip?
    The thought of her returnin’ makes my hear flipping skip.

    You know, I’m not the little boy you used to see
    I’m all grown up, boy, it’s painfully obvious to me.

    Stacey’s mom she’s got it goin’ on;
    In short, she’s the one for whom I long,
    Stacey when I look at you you’re just a girl to me,
    Yes, its wrong and creepy, but I’m sweet on Stacey’s mom.

    OH- Stacey’s mom has got her hot bikini on,
    Guess I’m laid up till my temperature has gone.

    Stacey do you ‘member when I mowed your lawn? (your lawn/)
    Your mom came out with but a tea towel on (hardly on)
    I could tell she liked me from the smile we shared (smile we shared)
    I love to see those big beautiful bountiful teeth bared (big teeth bared)

    And i think its more than an adolescent fantasy-
    But since your dad skipped out, howsabout me as your step-daddy?

    Stacey’s mom, she’s got somethin’ goin; on,
    Call me slightly sick, but this puppy’s love is strong,
    Stacey, I swear she’s blushing bright at me!
    Woah, Stace, she’s feverishly flushing, I was wrong,
    Sorry Stacey’s mom, this guy’s busy gettin’ gone.

    Hopefully PG enough for innocent eyes. If not, sorry, meh.
    One of the writers of ‘Stacey’s Mom’ Adam Schlesinger died of covid 19 complications on April First. Not kidding. So this seemed a sadly apt choice.

    Liked by 3 people

  10. My entry here, with a not uninteresting intro.https://sixcrookedhighwaysblog.wordpress.com/2020/04/12/barfing-on-dads-old-army-pants/
    But cutting to the quick, sorry, the chase, Macarthur Park will never sound the same after this.

    Barfing on Dad’s old army pants

    The bus was never waiting for us, girl
    It always left when the driver said
    We stayed too late at the dance
    It departed and we were depressed
    In the closet, hot and stuffy,
    Along with Dad’s old army pants.

    We barfed there in the dark
    All the Coke and pizza flowing down.
    Then I had to walk home in the rain
    Caught a cold, I can’t shake it,
    so next week I can’t make it
    Cos I’m locked down with the Covid once again.
    Oh, no!
    Oh, no
    No, no
    Oh no!!

    Liked by 2 people

  11. An update …

    Love, exciting and new
    Come aboard. we’re infecting you.
    Love, let’s all get in close.
    My holiday romance, can I give you a dose?
    The love boat, with passengers old and vague
    The love boat. Soon we’ll be spreading another plague
    Set a course for the hospital
    Your mind on rewriting your will
    And if I don’t survive this then I sure as heck won’t pay the bill.

    Love. That won’t go away.
    In the cabin next door
    They didn’t wake up today
    Love. That we can all share
    And finish our cruise in intensive care
    The love boat, we’ll soon have the world on its knees
    The love boat. Let’s incubate love and disease
    Now please step away, ’cause I think I am going to sneeze.

    Love. What a wonderful cruise
    Where life becomes cheap
    Just like the booze
    Love. A ménage a trois?
    Let’s cough on each other down by the bar
    The love boat. Don’t ever pay them in cash
    The love boat. More than an embarrassing rash
    And if we don’t find safe harbour they’ll be throwing us out with the trash.

    Liked by 3 people

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  18. I put this one on my blog (https://trentsworldblog.wordpress.com/2020/04/13/yesterday-a-spoof/), but here it is as well:

    Yesterday
    The Covid Virus seemed so far away
    Now it looks as if it’s here to stay
    Oh, I believe in Yesterday

    Suddenly
    I’m locked inside instead of free
    There’s a facemask hanging over me
    Oh, yesterday came suddenly

    Why I had to hide, locked inside, I couldn’t say
    I coughed, is something wrong?!??! Now I long for yesterday!

    Yesterday
    Meeting friends was such an easy game to play
    Now I need a place to hide away
    Oh, I believe in yesterday

    Why I had to hide, locked inside, I couldn’t say
    I coughed, something’s wrong!!!! Now I long for yesterday!

    Yesterday
    Meeting friends was such an easy game to play
    Now I need a place to hide away
    Oh, I believe in yesterday
    MM mm mm mm mm mm

    Liked by 4 people

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  23. I hope my link comes through. Mine is short and sweet. It’s a popular song (nursery rhyme) but song….
    The itty bitty virus 🦠
    Climbed in the human’s mouth
    Down to the lungs
    It settled right on in
    Up with the cough to
    Infect the rest of you
    And the itty bitty virus 🦠
    Goes round and round the world!

    Liked by 1 person

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  25. So here goes to the theme tune to The Banana Splits……
    
Cov id, id, id, id, id, id.
    
Cov id, id, id, id, id, id.

    Cov id, id, id, id, id, id.

    Cov id, id, id, id, id, id.

    One infected, two infected, three infected, four.
    Four infected make a pandemic and so do many more. 
    Over hill and highway the corona buggies go 

    Comin’ on to bring you The Corona Up The Shit Creak Show. 
    
Makin up a mess of life 

    Makin up a mess of jobs 

    Lot’s of free time for everyone. 
    
Cov id, id, id, id, id, id.

    Cov id, id, id, id, id, id.

    Cov id, id, id, id, id, id.

    Cov id, id, id, id, id, id.

    Four infected, three infected, two infected, one.
    All not allowed to play outside in the bright warm sun.
    
Flippin sick of our leaders, poppin like a cork 

    Guarding the bog rolls with a Pitch Fork
    
Cov id, id, id, id, id, id.

    Cov id, id, id, id, id, id.

    Cov id, id, id, id, id, id.

    Cov id, id, id, id, id, id.


    Liked by 1 person

  26. Why not toss another one into this seething brew?
    Lots Of It Around- The Wet Wet Hankie version.

    I get snotty fingers when I blow my nose,
    Folk are all around me, and so the virus goes,
    It’s spitten in the wind whenever my nose blows-
    As they glove up and gown me, a gnawing worry grows.

    You know I sniffle I always will,
    My runny nose’s never been that big a deal,
    Its just a sinus infection but I can’t pretend
    This cold’s a nasal nightmare, snot without end.

    I see your masked face before me as I lie in my bed,
    I kinda regret spreading all the things I spread,
    Someone gave a dose to me, I gave it on to you,
    Now I’m hyperventilating, feelin’ sad ‘n’ lookin’ blue.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Sorry, the first version was before your time, the remake made me sick even before this contest! ‘Love Is All Around’ the Troggs, or Wet Wet Wets version, from ‘Three Weddings And a Funeral.’ Thanks, this is great fun- there’s many great wordsmiths on your site.

        Liked by 1 person

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