WINNER of the Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest 2/10/2022

TanGental‘s own Geoff Le Pard introduced us to a Pantoum this week. To help us save face, he also suggested we write on embarrassment.

So! Who typed the most embarrassing pantoum?

THAT ONE AFTERNOON AT WORK I WILL NEVER FORGET

by Matt Snyder

Darn, I forgot my belt.
I sure was feeling svelte.
As I was walking down the hall and stood by the darkroom, pew the sulfur I did smelt.
Shucks, just then my pants fell, the embarrassment I surely felt.

I sure was, feeling svelte.
Then my world was upside down, with the card I was dealt.
Shucks, just then my pants fell, the embarrassment I surely felt!!
My female coworkers pointing and laughing, like a bucket of water thrown at me, I was the Witch that Dorothy did melt!

Then, my world, was upside down with the card I was dealt.
As I was walking down the hall and stood by the darkroom, pew the sulfur I did smelt!
My female coworkers pointing and laughing, like a bucket of water thrown at me, I was the Witch that Dorothy did melt!
Darn, I FORGOT MY BELT!!!!!!!!!

—–

Congratulations, Matt! You are once again the most terrible poet of the week! Let me know the type of poem and theme for next week!

The judge had fun trying this poetic form. The pantoum crafts an interesting poem for the poet and I noticed this made few of the poems actually terrible. Matt’s won for breaking the syllable meter with his long sentences. His word choice and topic weren’t bad, either. Well -they were bad, but they weren’t …nevermind.

If you need more excellent stories of embarrassment, here are the remaining poems:

I had wet my Kickers

by willowdot21

There I was petrified
By the radiator refusing to budge
Poor little me only five
I had wet my knickers

By the radiator refusing to budge
The Nuns cajoled my peers nudged
I had wet my kickers
My dress was marked my face was red.

The Nuns cajoled my peers nudged
I stood firm I would not budge
My dress was marked my face was red.
I was ashamed, wished I was dead

I stood firm I would not budge
Until sister Josephine pulled me away.
I was ashamed, wished I was dead .
The embarrassment lives on still in my head!

Until Sister Josephine pulled me away
I thought that I could cope
The embarrassment lives on inside my head
There I was petrified.

—–

Embarrassment

by Ruth

Embarrassment sears hot on my face
Skin throbbing bright in deep red flush
Awkwardness lit up in gaudy neon lights
Drawing attention like a burning beacon…

Skin throbbing bright in deep red flush
All eyes turn on my squirming discomfort
Drawing attention like a burning beacon
Highlighting my humiliated soul…

All eyes turn on my squirming discomfort
Awkwardness lit up in gaudy neon lights
Highlighting my humiliated soul
Embarrassment sears hot on my face…

—–

Untitled

by Not Pam

I’ve had my share of embarrassment
I remember when I was six
My family went to see Star Wars
I ran out of the toilet undies round ankles.

I remember when I was six
Brother and cousin up to their tricks
I ran out of the toilet undies round ankles
They rolled jaffa’s down the aisle without a care

Brother and cousin up to their tricks
My family went to see Star Wars
They rolled jaffa’s down the aisle without a care
I’ve had my share of embarrassment

—–

Bust A Move

by Obbverse

After I’d turned to her for one lousy dance
I was left gasping, so long and red of face,
Away she stepped, after high-arched glance
With effortless entitled aristocratic grace.

I was left, gasping, so long and red of face,
Sorrowfully I watched her pertly depart
With effortless entitled aristocratic grace
Stilettos driving deep into my bitter heart.

Sorrowfully I watched her pertly depart,
She’d put me back in my place and class,
Stilettos driving deep into my bitter heart
When she slipped and fell flat on her ass.

She’d put me back in my place and class
But as the titters began to grow apace
When she slipped and fell flat on her ass
I was left gasping, SO long, and red of face.

—–

Embarrassing frustrating experiences with effective argumentation

by Frank Hubeny

“The earth is blue! The earth is black!”
“No, it ain’t! No, it ain’t!”
“The earth is round and pancake flat!”
“No, it ain’t! No, it ain’t!”

“No, it ain’t! No, it ain’t”
“The earth is round and pancake flat!”
“No, it ain’t! No, it ain’t!”
“The earth is blue! The earth is black!

—————–

It ain’t.

It is.

It ain’t. It ain’t. It ain’t. IT AIN’T!

It is. It is. It…(swat).

—–

Thank you, you amazing poets, you! Come back tomorrow to learn next week’s prompt.

Matt: Here’s the honorary badge you can post as proof of your poetic mastery:

terrible-poetry-contest

©2022 The poets, and their respective poems.

18 thoughts on “WINNER of the Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest 2/10/2022

  1. Hobbo February 11, 2022 / 4:02 am

    Some very funny ones here! 🤣

    Liked by 1 person

  2. mattsnyder1970 February 11, 2022 / 4:39 am

    Aww thanks again, no longer embarrassed. It is something I laugh about today. Ok let’s try a form that is ripe to be perfect for terrible but also hard to fit the theme. Let’s write a cento style poem about being compassionate.
    At it’s most basic level, the cento is a poem comprised of lines and phrases from other previously written poems. Many centos (including my example below) use the work of multiple poets. But there are some that focus on just one specific poet.

    The cento can be a sort of ode to the poet and/or poets featured. Or it can be satire.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Chel Owens February 11, 2022 / 10:44 am

      I’m glad you’re no longer embarrassed.

      Great! I’ll look into it. Thank you, Matt!

      Liked by 1 person

      • mattsnyder1970 February 11, 2022 / 12:32 pm

        If anything, I was embarrassed the day it happened or when one of my coworkers saw me in the hall and giggled as she remembered…but it wasn’t devastating…I’m more glad I wasn’t the kind of guy to not wear underwear.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. TanGental February 11, 2022 / 4:58 am

    Matt has a real talent for the form. I wonder how long a line he’ll come up with next time

    Liked by 2 people

    • Chel Owens February 11, 2022 / 10:45 am

      Sorry. The judge was sleeping. I’ll type up his idea later today. 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

    • mattsnyder1970 February 11, 2022 / 7:38 pm

      I don’t know how to take that. 😁 Nothing like being great at being a terrible poet.

      Like

      • Chel Owens February 11, 2022 / 8:21 pm

        I dispense strange compliments for this contest!

        Like

      • TanGental February 12, 2022 / 6:42 am

        You’ve nailed the role Matt. When Kermit wins the White House you’ll do the homily at his inauguration…

        Like

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