The Terrible Poetry Contest 9/2022

Chel Owens

Greetings, one and all! Welcome to the Terrible Poetry Contest!

What is terrible poetry? What do you need to write in order to win? Basically, the goal of this illustrious contest is to write poetry using every terrible element your English professor warned you against. We’re talking cliché, trope, adjectives, telling, angst, over-emoting, vague verbosity, and attempted free-verse. Here is a link for more details.

Clear as mud? Perfect. Now, on to the specifics:

  1. Theme and Form
    Write about an accidental love, in any form you wish.
  2. Length
    Shorter is easier to read, but annoyingly long can make a poem more terribler.
  3. Rhyme?
    If you wish.
  4. Terrible?
    Yes. Cause your eternal companion to wish she’d tripped over someone else’s misplaced lunch tray.
  5. Rating
    PG or cleaner.

You have till 8:00 a.m. MDT on Thursday, September 29 to submit a poem.

Use the form below if you want to be anonymous until I post the results. The form hasn’t saved what you submitted unless you see a message saying it has.

Or, for a more social experience, include your poem or a link to it in the comments. Please alert me if your pingback or poem does not show up within a day.

The winner gains bragging rights, a badge, and the pick of next contest’s theme and form.

—–

Photo by Khoa Vu00f5 on Pexels.com

©2022 Chel Owens

45 thoughts on “The Terrible Poetry Contest 9/2022”

  1. I’m using the Haiku form for the terrible poetry contest

    Accidental Love by John W. Howell

    We never meant it,
    But somehow it came to be . . .
    My braces her gum.

    By the way, I also sent a form so that this gem is not lost to the world

    Liked by 7 people

  7. Moonless Lunacy

    One moonless, dreary, dismal night
    I accidentally fell in love.
    A mermaid using starry light
    bewitched me from above.

    I loved her true and she loved me
    enough to eat me whole.
    Now I am dead and she’s well fed.
    I guess this tale’s been told.

    Liked by 5 people

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  13. BUT I’M NOT A HOMOSEXUAL

    How do love her ?
    BY NEAR, bye far
    counting ways to stars
    I count curves
    and long eye lasses
    I count to ten
    twenty
    thirty
    forty
    fifty
    sixty
    with pen I wrote this love knote, I’m am no timid mouse
    folded as such
    and; dropped it
    in her.
    Mail slot, I lover here oh so muchly
    shit! Wrong house!

    Liked by 6 people

  14. Dick And Jane In A Spot.

    See Dick trundling ’round Walmart,
    See Jane selecting a shopping cart,
    See dick searching for a parking slot?
    Does Dick see Jane in his blind spot?

    See Jane hear her phone go ‘bing?’
    Well, now Jane won’t see anything,
    See Dick’s head turn side to side,
    See Dick’s patience being tried?

    See Jane gaze raptly at her screen?
    Hear Dick mutter something obscene!
    See Dick’s head all but swivel ’round?
    Not an accursed park to be found.

    See Jane cross behind Dick?
    See Dick’s cheek start to tic?
    See Dick see a most welcome sight?
    Ahead, a Dodgy Neon’s reversing light!

    See the smile on Dick’s face!
    Dick has found his happy space!
    See Dick’s foot hit the Jeep’s brake!
    Let’s see, which path Jane will take?

    See Jane talking and walking,
    Concentrating on talking, not walking,
    Dick has stopped, Jane’s not slowing…
    Can we see where this is going?

    The Neon vacates the parking bay,
    Dick’s at the wheel, sawing away,
    Dick can’t get his Compass aligned,
    Dick reverses without glancing behind.

    The VERY FIRST day at Drivers Ed
    What do they drive into your head?
    Chapter One in their good book-
    ‘Before going forth, first LOOK.’

    But Dick does not remember Jack;
    With Dick there’s no looking back,
    Backing back out into the lane,
    ‘Dick in Jeep, meet Chatterbox Jane.’

    Jane, holding wobbly wheeled trolley
    Perfectly placed to compound Dick’s folly,
    See Jane, lost in a world of her own
    Rattling away, eyes on her iPhone.

    What a moving sight they both fail to see!
    See Jane’s trolley! See Dick’s truncated Cherokee!
    Dicks not-so-tuff plastic bumper, mangled,
    His Jeep and her trolley, sorrily entangled.

    Dolt Dick agreed it’s all his fault,
    Luckily Jane suffered just the jolt,
    One broken fingernail, no broken bones,
    And Dick’s insurance covers cracked phones.

    So, after names and details were taken
    Dick discerned Jane looked pale and shaken,
    Said he’d treat her to a hot sweet latte;
    Today they marry, a year to the day.

    See Dick and Jane say their nuptial vows!
    Though the venue raises actual eyebrows!
    A Walmart wedding might sound perverse?
    If you know their journey, quite the Reverse.

    Liked by 5 people

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