The Terrible Poetry Contest 11/2022

Chel Owens

Welcome to yet another Terrible Poetry Contest!

Everyone thinks he/she/it is a poet; some actually are. We don’t care because we’re here to beat the worst of them! Terrible poem-ing isn’t about humor as a subject. It isn’t about writing about a terrible subject. In fact, it isn’t even about writing an acrostic poem with the word ‘TERRIBLE.’ Confused? Here is a post I wrote to explain. I recommend reading it, ignoring it completely, then rearranging the ingredients list for your laxative medication and posting that as an entry.

Jon of Missionary Sojourn won last month, so here are his instructions for this month’s contest:

  1. Theme and Form
    The theme is “Lost and/or Found.” The form is …wait for it… my favorite: a limerick. Furthermore, it’s a CLEAN limerick.
  2. Length
    Limericks have a specific form and length. It is AABBA, where the A’s are 8ish syllables and the B’s are 5ish syllables (and the A’s all rhyme with each other while the B’s rhyme with the B’s). We’ve written limericks before; so, if you’ve lost those posts, they can be found here. Or, you can find an outline, elsewhere, online.
  3. Rhyme?
    Yes. First, second, and fifth rhyme one way; and third and fourth rhyme another.
  4. Terrible!
    Please, please, please write a terrible poem. Make anyone searching for beauty seriously reconsider their life choices in finding our contest.
  5. Rating
    G or cleaner. You heard me.

You have till 8:00 a.m. MST on Wednesday, November 30 to submit a poem.

Use the form below if you want to be anonymous until I post the results. The form hasn’t saved what you submitted unless you see a message saying it has.

Or, for a more social experience, include your poem or a link to it in the comments. Please alert me if your pingback or poem does not show up within a day.

The winner gains bragging rights, a badge, and the pick of next contest’s theme and form.

—–

©2022 Chel Owens

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

Need more pointers? Jon’s included an example:

It seems that I’ve lost my keys
And hunt as long as I please
Like the wayward sock
That the dryer has got
I’m beginning to wonder, “Why me?”

47 thoughts on “The Terrible Poetry Contest 11/2022”

  4. A man got a message, it read:
    There’s something on the back of yer head!
    He put his hand there
    But only found hair
    And that was the end of the thread

    (was the image a prompt? sorry, wasn’t sure)

    Liked by 4 people

  6. Sounds fun. Here’s mine. I also submitted on the form but forgot the title.

    Lost Meat by John W. Howell
    There once was a man from New York,
    Who purchased two tons of dead pork.
    He wished he had found,
    Good beef that was ground.
    But lost his chance to a quick dork.

    Liked by 4 people

  7. 1st time playing … this is a poem about Larry the monkey // both lost and found 🙂 —
    I once had a monkey named Larry,
    He liked to bite and was hairy,
    One day in the park,
    He escaped after dark,
    And now he belongs to Mary.

    Liked by 5 people

  8. I thought that, for you Chel, I should include a hint of religious belief ….

    I was aimlessly fooling around
    When I fell from my boat and then drowned
    Deprived thus of breath
    Woke in life after death
    Simultaneously lost and yet found

    Liked by 5 people

          1. Ha ha! That’s exactly what I mean! ‘Quite clever’, in my mind anyway, equates to ‘not utterly stupid’ or …. ‘quite clever, but not quite clever enough’. But, you know, that’s me! Not in the bottom class at school, but not in the top one either ….

            Liked by 1 person

  9. Here’s a piece from Down Under for youse* (*Australian word for more than one you, similar to the American ‘y’all’), complete with glossary longer than the poem.

    There once was a man from Straya*
    As a walker he was a fair dinkum* stayer
    Went past the Black Stump* and beyond it
    Got lost, fell into a billabong*, it
    Was a shame his swimming was a failure.

    Glossary
    Straya – rendition of ‘Australia’ by many Australians, similar to Americans who live in ‘Mecca’
    Fair dinkum – genuine
    Black Stump – mythical far distant place where civilisation ends (along with American spelling) and the unknown begins
    Billabong – an isolated pond left behind after a river changes course

    Liked by 4 people

  11. Lost Cause.

    Write a clean limerick, they promptly said!
    But I’ve found clean limericks are rarely read,
    A limerick ploughs common ground,
    Within limericks innuendoes abound,
    Something gets lost if cheeks ain’t left red.

    Liked by 4 people

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  14. Well, I had two goes at this month’s challenge…

    1. https://gmgblog.ca/2022/11/26/luck/
    2. https://gmgblog.ca/2022/11/27/the-ring/

    …and as I needed an image for my posts credits I also designed a title graphic. Feel free to save and use it (or not) on future posts Chel. If you don’t like it and prefer I remove it from everywhere let me know and I can do that too.

    https://gmg1968.files.wordpress.com/2022/11/terrible-poetry.webp?w=1014

    Liked by 3 people

  15. Once when I was substitute teaching, I had to have the third graders learn about limericks. The lesson plan wanted me to just have the children start one and then I’d jump in and finish it, but the children were all able to come up with one themselves, once I explained the structure. And the funny thing is, there really is something about limericks that encourages inappropriateness…..I also had to make the rule that you had to come whisper your limerick to me first, and then I’d tell you whether or not you could recite it to the whole class, or try again for a cleaner version!

    Liked by 2 people

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