WINNER of the Terrible Poetry Contest 11/30/2022

Chel Owens

Geoff, the winner of November’s Terrible Poetry Contest, presented us with a unique challenge. Based on his suggested parameters and the theme of climate change, here’s the winner for January:

Untitled

by Ordinary Person

Oh
Oh oh
the climate
Is it changing yet?
Yes yes it is my friend yes
I don’t know if this is eleven syllables
Or twelve, the climate, climate, climate, climate, climate
Climate, climate, climate, climate, climate, climate, climate, cli-
mate (x whatever the next prime number is)
Climate climate…..

—–

Congratulations, Ordinary Person! You are the most terrible poet this month! Let me know what theme and form we’re to use next time.

The entries this time around were fantastically terrible. You’ve all done an awful job and I couldn’t be more proud. O.P.’s efforts stood out for boldly breaking form into repeating the dumbest part of his verse. His is certainly not the cleverest (whoever said that was the name of this contest?) but is quite bad.

All the rest were my second choice, losing only by a hair. Read, and enjoy:

Wet

by M

SIGH.
Really ?

This again

it never just rains
torrential downpours galore
FLOODS and MUDSLIDES and the sunken cars so deep

temperature pushes 70 in the North East
Snow, snow I get but it’s not snowing; it’s raining raining & raining
drip, drip, pitter, patter, whoosh whoosh whoosh, welcome to SPRINTER, not winter nor Spring
Is not normal people really, not normal: now I have to urinate really bad

—–

Toast to the Newlyweds: Climate Change and the Flat Earth

by Frank Hubeny

One (1)
and two (2)
then comes three, (3)
but climate change we (5)
all can see rhymes much worse than (7)
flat earth memes promoting free verse poetry. (11)

—–

Untitled

by Richmond Road

Gee
Can you see?
The living tree. On fire
Me. Just a bird on a wire
Half asleep. Flying backwards and so dreaming of forests long ago
Looking below. At another time. Branches to climb. Cut down in their prime.

—–

Untitled

by Doug Jacquier

The
bunyip’s
a legend
in Australia,
terrifying one and all.
A cross between emu and crocodile,
or a furry seal with terrible eyes and sharp teeth,
it preys on those unwary folk who stray near rivers and deep billabongs
venting its fury, like a giant platypus consuming an early lunch.

(Can’t post pics here unfortunately but you can see the products of some fervid imaginations if you search for ‘Bunyip pics’ in your browser.)

—–

Lustrum

by Not Pam

DOOM
Oh Man DOOM
Rain sleet floods pontoons
A burning inferno gloom
Where the hell is that air conditioned cold room?
TV on. Current affairs? Climate change? Dumb buffoons.

—–

Escape Plan

by Greg Glazebrook

Earth ֍ Mother ֍ Stick ‘em up! ֍ Gim’me all you got! ֍ Take, take, take, without a thought. ֍ Hands off the entire lot, it’s bloody well mine! ֍ I don’t care, leave it scorched, barren and beyond repair. ֍ In my rocketship, I’ll climb, leaving Mother Earth behind — Ciao suckas!!!

—–

True Story

by Jewish Young Professional

An
iceberg
breaks off of
Antarctica like
a star that the sky couldn’t keep
for herself, too weighted with water and gas,
leaving a hole sized like Greater London, but, good news,
“Not climate change,” the scientists say. But there’s other reason for alarm.

—–

Is it hot yet?

by Ruth Klein

Sweat
Slimy
Steamy land
Storms wild, childlike
Strength of nasty temps, up/down
Scientists mumble, stumble,
profess the doom
Stir up word muck throwing –
blankets piled or skin removed
Stay in the know, let the wind blow,
whatever rocks your boat, I
know right?

—–

Photo by Markus Spiske on Pexels.com

Thank you, terrible poets. Head over here in March to see what the next prompt is!

Nitin: Here’s your slightly-inaccurate badge you can post as proof of your poetic mastery:

terrible-poetry-contest

©2023 The poets, and their respective poems.

33 thoughts on “WINNER of the Terrible Poetry Contest 11/30/2022”

  1. This is brilliant. Chelsea, I take back everything I said about cancelling this wonderful contest. I might write a sequel saying Why we must endorse Chelsea Owens (if you’re okay with it). Thank you so much for appreciating my terribleness. So, as far as next week’s form and theme is concerned, the form I’ve chosen is a triolet and the theme is the cultural appropriation. Thank you so much for the honour 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Welcome. Welcome. Here’s extending a warm hand of greeting from a two time winner. I’m sure you’ll eventually surpass me (like everyone else 😐) but thank you. And congratulations on being one among the honourable mentions in your first attempt at this. You have natural talent, and I’m a little envious.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. The
    carbon
    footprint to
    burn our poetic dung,
    will heat up the planet to
    temps approximate the surface of the sun.

    Congrats to Ordinary Person’s jot,
    A climate, climate, climate, climate…
    Poet you’re not!
    (for the record – neither are the rest of us!!!)

    Great fun as always Chel!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much sir. It’s an honour to be recognised and appreciated by legends of this contest like yourself. I’m truly humbled and your words have made my my day, week and possibly year. I look outside the window at the scarlet dawn, but its beauty fails to evoke what your comment did. This… this comment right here is more beautiful than the snowy peaks with their alabaster cheeks; than the pyramids with their layers of perfection. It’s truly humbling sir. And that too by someone who has won this contest at least 5 times. Once again I’m humbled by the fact that you’d take time out of your schedule of writing terrible poetry and say a kind word. My life’s work is complete. I’m dressed in a kimono now and will commit seppuku because nothing in life will compare to this moment.

      Liked by 2 people

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