Welcome [Welcome! Welcome!] to the Terrible Poetry Contest for March, 2023.
This contest is simple: make fun of the serious poetry out there as much as you like. I’ve written some helpful guidance here or, as always, suggest copying the instructions for using a toothpick -but space out the lines so it looks intentionally poetic.
Now, onto the prompt! Ordinary Person won last month’s contest. Here’s what he suggested for this month:
- Theme and Form
“[T]he form I’ve chosen is a triolet and the theme is …cultural appropriation.”
Triolet is eight lines of poetry that follow a specific pattern -not just a rhyming pattern, but that of repeated lines as well. According to Wikipedia, “The rhyme scheme is ABaAabAB (capital letters represent lines repeated verbatim) and often in 19th century English triolets all lines are in iambic tetrameter, though in traditional French triolets, from the 17th century on, the second, sixth and eighth lines tend to be iambic trimeters followed by one amphibrachic foot each.” Here’s your chance to choose Anglophilia or Francophilia… - Length
I believe we’ve covered that. We’ve done just that. We’ve covered that. We’ve done just that. - Rhyme?
See the line(s), above. - Terrible?
Hey man, you go ahead and poem like somebody else. Dress in that lowercase existentialism. Talk like a bard. Jam as only a Rastafarian can. In the end, it’s individualism what brings cultural appropriation to life. - Rating
PG.
You have till 8:00 a.m. MST on Thursday, March 30 to submit a poem.
Use the form below if you want to be anonymous until I post the results. The form hasn’t saved what you submitted unless you see a message saying it has.
Or, for a more culturally-appropriate experience, include your poem or a link to it in the comments. Please alert me if your pingback or poem does not show up within a day.
The winner gains bragging rights, a badge, and the pick of next contest’s theme and form.
—–
©2023 Chel Owens
Chel Owens 
Gulp. Gee, thanks,… I think. This triolet format is going to try a lot of us.
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Go after Nitin’s blood then. 😀
I often find that stricter forms create hilarious poems when trying to be terrible.
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Yeah, sometimes those strictures force you to think outside the box. Or into your uncomfortable zone.
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How many cultures can I offend today? Hmm, let me try…
Do you like my new kerchief?
Made by a Buddhist, Rasta Hippy
African rhythms by colonial thief
Do you like my new kerchief?
Native dances, grizzly bear teeth
Hindu symbols appear quite trippy
Do you like my new kerchief?
Made by a Buddhist, Rasta Hippy
I hope you find it as terrible as I do 😉
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Might win by a whisker in pyjamas. 😉
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Thanks Doug 😁😹
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All horses to the starting gate!
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🐎
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On the spewrious grounds that nothing beats excess, I have combusted this triple triolet on a tight rope.
A farnarkerling good adventure
Amidst general farnarkerling,
a fair maiden did set her sights
on a ring a’sparkling,
amidst general farnarkerling.
Full of feckless fancy flights that sometimes sounded barkling,
she swore to tie the knot with a man in tights.
Amidst general farnarkerling,
a fair maiden did set her sights.
Lo, this handsome Visigoth,
known as Necro Mancy,
and to him she vowed to plight her troth.
Lo, this handsome Visigoth,
She checked he was not of the cloth
and found he was a prince so fancy
Lo, this handsome Visigoth,
known as Necro Mancy.
The handsome prince, with heart a’loudly pounding,
now without her he could not forebore
so sent to her a messenger with a sounding,
the handsome prince, with heart a’loudly pounding.
He waited for her reply, with his teeth a’grounding
and the very ground he did paw,
the handsome prince, with heart a’loudly pounding,
now without her he could not forebore.
The maiden shed a seemly tear or two
then gave herself to Necro Mancy.
And they did quaff a beer or two and
the maiden shed a seemly tear or two.
Necro did down a scotch and more than just a few
and then spoke in tongues all romancey
The maiden shed a seemly tear or two
then gave herself to Necro Mancy.
Historical footnote: The couple died without issue and the kingdom came under the demesne of the Angle-grinders, followed by the Saxons (aka the Sax Collectors) and then the Holy Roman Umpire.
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Offended For Offendedness Sake
I didn’t grab your culture, dear.
I simply ate your tasty rice.
In spite of how it might appear
I didn’t grab your culture, dear.
So, stop the whining. Drop the sneer.
Forget I said the rice was nice.
I didn’t grab your culture, dear.
I simply ate your tasty rice.
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Oh my heavens!! Here is my terrible horrible poem 🤔
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