WINNER of the Terrible Poetry Contest 11/30/2022

November’s prompt for terribly poeming was brought to you by Jon of Missionary Sojourn, the winner of September’s contest. Jon suggested a clean limerick on lost and found. Without losing another minute, then, let’s find the one who limerick’d best:

Untitled

by TanGental

All hope’s gone, all is lost.
She loves me, she loves me nost.
I gave her flowers. a sort of red.
They had thorns, so she bled
Out. Now she’s a gost…

—–

Congratulations, TanGental! You are the most terrible poet this month! Let me know what theme and form we’re to use next time.

You may be wondering how I chose a winner out of such excellent entries. I’ll tell you: I don’t know. I’m also wondering how I picked, given that most entries tied for cleverness and included some distinctive element. I believe the winner won me over with that broken/continued line of ‘bled/out’ and with his terrible word choice.

Again; that’s not to say one should only read the winning entry. Peruse all the poetry, below, and see which is your favorite:

Grumpy

by RuthScribbles

There once was a grumpy old man
He lost his way to the can
He turned on the light
And had a huge fright
He’d found a coon and away he did ran

—–

Untitled

by Ian Kay

I’ve gone lost the end of my limerick
I didn’t know whether I’m dim or thick
I looked down the sofa
But nothin’ yet so far
So how will I finish this poem?

—–

Untitled

by Ian Kay

A man got a message, it read:
There’s something on the back of yer head!
He put his hand there
But only found hair
And that was the end of the thread

—–

Lost Meat

by John W. Howell

There once was a man from New York,
Who purchased two tons of dead pork.
He wished he had found,
Good beef that was ground.
But lost his chance to a quick dork.

—–

Larry the monkey

by Soberbunny

I once had a monkey named Larry,
He liked to bite and was hairy,
One day in the park,
He escaped after dark,
And now he belongs to Mary.

—–

Untitled

by Richmond Road

I was aimlessly fooling around
When I fell from my boat and then drowned
Deprived thus of breath
Woke in life after death
Simultaneously lost and yet found

—–

Untitled

by Doug Jacquier

There once was a man from Straya
As a walker he was a fair dinkum stayer
Went past the Black Stump and beyond it
Got lost, fell into a billabong, it
Was a shame his swimming was a failure.

Glossary
Straya – rendition of ‘Australia’ by many Australians, similar to Americans who live in ‘Mecca’
Fair dinkum – genuine
Black Stump – mythical far distant place where civilisation ends (along with American spelling) and the unknown begins
Billabong – an isolated pond left behind after a river changes course

—–

Untitled

by Frank Hubeny

There once was a writer of verse
Who got lost as his writing got worse.
He was found by the bay
Singing songs of dismay:
La-dee-loose la-dee-lease la-dee-terse

—–

Lost Cause

by Obbverse

Write a clean limerick, they promptly said!
But I’ve found clean limericks are rarely read,
A limerick ploughs common ground,
Within limericks innuendoes abound,
Something gets lost if cheeks ain’t left red.

—–

A Boy Named Luck

by Greg

There once was a boy named Luck
Whose folks didn’t give a… HOOT.
“Go jump off da pier
‘n don’t come back ‘roun’ere!”
But they didn’t have that kinda luck.

—–

The Ring

by Greg

He brought out the champagne with a blush,
“Bottoms up!” It was down in a rush.
Before he could sing,
She’d swallowed the ring,
Now they gather to scrutinize each flush.

—–

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

Thank you, terrible poets. Come back at the beginning of January to learn what the new prompt will be!

Geoff: Here’s your slightly-inaccurate badge you can post as proof of your poetic mastery:

terrible-poetry-contest

©2022 The poets, and their respective poems. Special thanks to Greg for the cool logo I used as our featured image!

Terrible Poetry: Lost Limerick

I never can find mi loosed stuff
Cuz loosed stuff is finding is tuff
So instead i just right
something thats not write
And forget i ever lost my basal ganglia.

©2022 Chel Owens

Ah, I couldn’t help it. You should write something even better for the Terrible Poetry Contest; it supposedly ends on the 30th, but I hear the judge isn’t exactly on top of things this week and you’ll not hear about a winner till Saturday…

Photo by Anna Shvets on Pexels.com

I’m a Mormon, So…

I’m a Mormon, so I believe that Joseph Smith saw our Heavenly Father; His son, Jesus Christ; and ancient prophets. I believe Joseph Smith received direct revelation, translated another testament of Jesus Christ (the Book of Mormon), and restored Heavenly Father’s church as it was (including returning keys of the Priesthood).

Joseph Smith Jr. was born December 23, 1805, in Sharon, Windsor County, Vermont. During his early life, he moved with his family to present-day Manchester, in western New York. It was while he was living there in the spring of 1820, when he was fourteen years of age, that he experienced his first vision, in which he was visited in person by God, the Eternal Father, and His Son Jesus Christ. He was told in this vision that the true Church of Jesus Christ that had been established in New Testament times, and which had administered the fulness of the gospel, was no longer on the earth. Other divine manifestations followed in which he was taught by many angels; it was shown to him that God had a special work for him to do on the earth and that through him the Church of Jesus Christ would be restored to the earth.

Doctrine and Covenants, Introduction

Joseph Smith spent his life translating the Book of Mormon, organizing the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, leading members, sharing revelations, assigning missionaries, building settlements, working on temples, managing funds, caring for a family, and spending a fair amount of time in trials and in prisons.

As to his initial, amazing vision: Smith recorded the event, himself, in a section known as Joseph Smith History, in a book of scripture called the Pearl of Great Price.

Owing to the many reports which have been put in circulation by evil-disposed and designing persons, in relation to the rise and progress of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, all of which have been designed by the authors thereof to militate against its character as a Church and its progress in the world—I have been induced to write this history, to disabuse the public mind, and put all inquirers after truth in possession of the facts, as they have transpired, in relation both to myself and the Church, so far as I have such facts in my possession.

Joseph Smith History, Chapter 1, Verse 1

His other revelations, commandments, and some personal history are found in various records -most of which are contained in the Doctrine and Covenants.

The Doctrine and Covenants is a collection of divine revelations and inspired declarations given for the establishment and regulation of the kingdom of God on the earth in the last days. Although most of the sections are directed to members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, the messages, warnings, and exhortations are for the benefit of all mankind and contain an invitation to all people everywhere to hear the voice of the Lord Jesus Christ, speaking to them for their temporal well-being and their everlasting salvation.
Most of the revelations in this compilation were received through Joseph Smith Jr., the first prophet and president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Others were issued through some of his successors in the Presidency (see headings to D&C 135136, and 138, and Official Declarations 1 and 2).

Doctrine and Covenants, Introduction

Joseph Smith died as a martyr at the age of 38. An armed mob stormed Carthage Jail, where he and a few other faithful members were being held, and shot and killed him.

©2022 Chel Owens

……

We Mormons are officially members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and are to drop any name but that. Since many recognize the nickname of ‘Mormon’ and it works with the alliteration so well, however, I will use the term.

My other note is that I will keep to official doctrinal practices. I will add my own application of them, especially in response to comments.

My final note is that I LOVE discussing anything I write. Don’t be rude, obviously, but any and all queries or responses are welcome.

My final note beyond the final note is that I do not seek to convert anyone. I am motivated by forming connections, answering curiosity, and straightening pictures. So, you’re safe.

Thanksgiving

I sit, on the eve of my favorite holiday, wondering what to write.

Instead of capitulating and catapulting into a lengthy life story, I’ll retire slightly earlier. I’ll give you the same opportunity. After all, the focus of a holiday should be on what brings you true joy.

Happy Thanksgiving. I wish you well, whether you celebrate or not.

Photo by Craig Adderley on Pexels.com

At least eat something delicious. You deserve it.

—–

Last week, I wrote:
Wednesday, November 16: “Expert Parent, in the making.” We can’t all know what diapers are for.

Friday, November 18: Friday Photo. Holy mackerel.

Saturday, November 19: “A Poem on Living.” It’s a bittersweet one.

Sunday, November 20: Quote by G. K. Chesterton.

Monday, November 21: Talked about the LDS temples, and temple recommends.

Tuesday, November 22: Answered Carrot Ranch’s prompt with “Speak to Me Only With Thine Dementia.” For the record, I’m not fond of the title.

Wednesday, November 23: Today.

©2022 Chel Owens

Speak to Me Only With Thine Dementia

“Oh. My.” She said it every morning. You would think he’d be accustomed to it, even tired of it.

But she had a way of infusing each word with childlike awe.

That was why he loved it; why her daily exclamation touched him every time. By now, he lived for this. He couldn’t imagine his day starting otherwise.

His wife turned, all smiles, and said the phrase she always followed with: “I think I’ve awakened in paradise.”

He rose and put his arm around her. Staring out their bay windows at the private ocean bay; he, as always, agreed.

©2022 Chel Owens

Photo by Thomas on Pexels.com

Written in response to Carrot Ranch‘s prompt:

November 21, 2022, prompt: In 99 words (no more, no less), write a story using the phrase, “Oh, my.” It can be used in storytelling or dialog. What is the cause for such a response? Have fun with this one! Go where the prompt leads!

I’m a Mormon, So…

I’m a Mormon, so I hold a temple recommend and attend the temple when I can.

Medford Oregon Temple ©LDS Media Library

A member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints attends an LDS Meetinghouse (or equivalent) every Sunday for regular services, like taking the Sacrament; and for social events outside of religious services. Anyone may attend services at these buildings,* even those who are not members. Temples, on the other hand, are special. They are sacred.

Temples have a more specific purpose. They are places specially set apart for sacred service and ceremonies. They are designated by the Lord and dedicated to His purposes. Temples are the only places where some priesthood ordinances are authorized to be performed. These sacred ceremonies lift and inspire participants as they make commitments to follow the teachings and example of Jesus Christ.

Churchofjesuschrist.org, “Why Latter-day Saints Build Temples

The work done in the temple is for eternal purposes: receiving one’s endowment, sealing a couple and/or their family together forever, baptizing oneself on behalf of those who died before being able to be baptized (and receive the Holy Ghost), and performing an endowment or sealing for those who are no longer living and did not have that chance in life.

This work is necessary for our progression in life and in life after death.

The ordinances and covenants of the temple are not merely important to our exaltation—they are essential. President [Boyd K.] Packer …explained, “Ordinances and covenants become our credentials for admission into [God’s] presence. To worthily receive them is the quest of a lifetime; to keep them thereafter is the challenge of mortality” (Boyd K. Packer, “Covenants,” Ensign, May 1987). Faithfully obeying covenants made with God is the most important goal we can pursue in this life. In the words of President Russell M. Nelson, “The greatest compliment that can be earned here in this life is to be known as a covenant keeper. The rewards for a covenant keeper will be realized both here and hereafter” (Russell M. Nelson, “Covenants,” Ensign, Nov. 2011).

Churchofjesuschrist.org, “Why Ordinances and Covenants Matter

Because these sacred practices come after initial steps like baptism, a faithful member may only attend an LDS temple after receiving a temple recommend: a pass signed by that member’s bishop or counselor, then that member’s stake president or stake counselor. Those men only sign the recommend if the member answers specific questions in a satisfactory manner:

  1. Do you have faith in and a testimony of God, the Eternal Father; His Son, Jesus Christ; and the Holy Ghost?
  2. Do you have a testimony of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and of His role as your Savior and Redeemer?
  3. Do you have a testimony of the Restoration of the gospel of Jesus Christ?
  4. Do you sustain the president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as the prophet, seer, and revelator and as the only person on the earth authorized to exercise all priesthood keys? Do you sustain the members of the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles as prophets, seers, and revelators? Do you sustain the other General Authorities and local leaders of the Church?
  5. The Lord has said that all things are to be “done in cleanliness” before Him (Doctrine and Covenants 42:41). Do you strive for moral cleanliness in your thoughts and behavior? Do you obey the law of chastity?
  6. Do you follow the teachings of the Church of Jesus Christ in your private and public behavior with members of your family and others?
  7. Do you support or promote any teachings, practices, or doctrine contrary to those of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints?
  8. Do you strive to keep the Sabbath day holy, both at home and at church; attend your meetings; prepare for and worthily partake of the sacrament; and live your life in harmony with the laws and commandments of the gospel?
  9. Do you strive to be honest in all that you do?
  10. Are you a full-tithe payer?
  11. Do you understand and obey the Word of Wisdom?
  12. Do you have any financial or other obligations to a former spouse or to children? If yes, are you current in meeting those obligations?
  13. Do you keep the covenants that you made in the temple, including wearing the temple garment as instructed in the endowment?
  14. Are there serious sins in your life that need to be resolved with priesthood authorities as part of your repentance?
  15. Do you consider yourself worthy to enter the Lord’s house and participate in temple ordinances?

    Ensign Magazine, “Church Updates Temple Recommend Interview Questions,” January, 2020

Besides attending the temple for completing sacred ordinances, a member may go for a break from the world and to receive personal revelation.

Manti Utah Temple, ©LDS Media Library

As of initially posting this, “The Church of Jesus Christ currently has 168 operating temples and another 68 announced, 41 under construction and five undergoing renovation” (LDS Newsroom, “The Church of Jesus Christ Will Build 18 New Houses of the Lord“). They span from Utah to Ukraine to Australia to Argentina.

©2022 Chel Owens

*so long as the person isn’t breaking local laws on noxious or inappropriate behavior.

……

We Mormons are officially members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and are to drop any name but that. Since many recognize the nickname of ‘Mormon’ and it works with the alliteration so well, however, I will use the term.

My other note is that I will keep to official doctrinal practices. I will add my own application of them, especially in response to comments.

My final note is that I LOVE discussing anything I write. Don’t be rude, obviously, but any and all queries or responses are welcome.

My final note beyond the final note is that I do not seek to convert anyone. I am motivated by forming connections, answering curiosity, and straightening pictures. So, you’re safe.

“…I will not say the doctrine I have always taught, but the doctrine I should always have liked to teach. That is the idea of taking things with gratitude, and not taking things for granted.

Also sometimes quoted as, “When it comes to life, the critical thing is whether you take things for granted or take them with gratitude.

G.K. Chesterton