I’m in a mental crisis. For years, I knew my parents planned to name me something different than the one they switched to. They’d told me. But only yesterday did I learn that they’d intended to also NOT. USE. ITS. PROPER. SPELLING.
*Deep breaths* *Deeeep breaths*
See, a little-known fact about me is that I’m bothered by grammar and spelling errors. I certainly won’t return your birthday present over it, but I can’t help but notice. I can’t help but correct the problem.
A little-known fact about Utah Mormons* is that they are guilty of unique name spellings -including Jaxcon, Danieell, and Stephenie. Yes, these are names I’ve literally seen applied to people. I hate it.
So, naturally, upon learning that I might have not just been an Amy but might have been an Aimee, I’ve been reflecting on how my whole life would be different:
- I would be blonde. If not, I’m sure I’d have curls and blue eyes. At the least, I’d be cuter.
- If something were funny, I’d legitimately giggle.
- My pants size would be …well, at this point, about where it’s at. I would’ve had kids as an (*shudder*) Aimee, too.
- My husband would be named Michael.
- I’d be interested in “The Bachelor.” Heck; I’d know who The Sexiest Man Alive was instead of needing to Google it every time. Not only that, but I would actually know who he is and would likely fantasize about his running away with me on the back of …an oversized ant.
- I would get weekly mani-pedi‘s instead of one in my entire life.
- My favorite book would be the latest Eat, Pray, Love sort.
- I’d be a frequent shopper at that place that sells scented stuff.
- My children would also have unique names. I’m thinking Cashe or Leeder.
- Most of all, I would NOT vomit a little in my mouth every time someone spelled my name aloud.
And don’t say I’m overreacting. That would be a Karen thing to do, not an Aimee.
©2021 Chel Owens
*Mormons are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.