The Terrible Poetry Contest

March 5, 2022March 6, 2022Chel Owens 22 Comments

Welcome to the biweekly Terrible Poetry Contest!

This contest came about because of too many poets writing far far too many qualifiers (I mean; really?), emoting in the sloppiest ways, counting syllables on their fingers about any ole subject and naming it ‘haiku,’ and because of cliché. Don’t get me started on poetic clichés. What better way to solve a problem than call it an elephant and invite it into the room, yes?

Here, then, are the specifics for this week:

Joanne Fisher won the crown last time round; she’s suggested a Theme of what one might find in one’s pocket. The form? A tanka.
Tanka poems are not difficult. The master, of course, is Colleen Chesebro, mother of Tanka Tuesday. Like haiku, there are syllables involved. The pattern for a tanka is 5-7-5-7-7. “Tanka consist of 5 lines written in the first-person point of view from the perspective of the poet” (more information, below).
The Length is five lines.
A tanka does not rhyme.
Ah; just make it terrible! Cause Gollum to regret he ever asked what was in there -even for the chance of some nice, juicy poet-meat.
Rating: PG or cleaner. I don’t know what you keep in your pockets, but I’m betting it’s no edgier than lint or a cell phone these days.

You have till 8:00 a.m. MST IN TWO WEEKS: Thursday, March 17 (St. Patrick’s Day!!) to submit a poem. Every two weeks works better for me, so that’s what we’re doing.

Use the form below if you want to be anonymous for a week. It hasn’t gone through unless you see a message saying it has.

For a more social experience, include your poem or a link to it in the comments. Please alert me if your pingback or poem does not show up within a day.

The winner gains bragging rights, a badge, and the option to choose the next iteration’s topic and type of poem.

—–

Window Washer Whimsy #Tanka #Senryu

February 18, 2020February 19, 2020Chel Owens 18 Comments

For my third-ever time writing for Colleen Chesebro‘s prompt, I give you: a Senryu. Sort-of. I’m fairly certain I followed the form.

The prompt this week is to study this photo, provided by Ritu Bhathal, and write what moves you.

Windex-winded; sore
the washer escapes, in night
where her windows glare

WINNER of the Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest

October 4, 2019Chel Owens 17 Comments

The world thought it had experienced the worst in pumpkin spice once cinnamon and cloves crossed over into Cheerios, Twinkies, and SPAM. If only the general population had anticipated this week’s terrible poetry…

Source

Of which, at long last, there is a winner. And that is:

Spicing the Pumpkin

by The Abject Muse

Autumn aroma

fills the air with Halloween

making one nauseous:

too much candy and chasing

it with ten beers then puking.

Congratulations, Susan! You are the most terrible poet of the week!

Everyone who entered brought their worst. I had such trouble choosing from all the wonderful, beautiful, bad poetry. Susan’s poem won after my third reading of the entries, and my deciding it made me cringe the most.

Since the theme was a tanka, hers stood out as one that appeared to be a typical tanka yet was most definitely not. She made me think it a serious sample with her “Autumn aroma” beginning; but, by the end, we were puking. Great work!

Even more pumpkin spice is to be had! Read the rest of the poems below:

A Coffee Snob Tanka

by Heather Dawn

Pumpkin spice coffee
Is the worst kind of coffee…
When from Tim Hortons,
Or other fast food places.
But I like it at Starbucks.

—–

Something spicy in my pumpkin

by Bruce Goodman

Pumpkin spice! Pumpkin
spice! Syllable counting in
Germanic languag-
es is a meaningless pro-
position. It works in the

Romance languages
however, where syllables
matter. Which is pos-
sibly why we eat pumpkin
as a vegetable over

here, and to think of
it as being something in a
dessert is a fair-
ly repugnant thought! This then
is my triptych tanka. Yeah!

—–

Untitled piece

by Deb Whittam

Undernourished, the
Pantry’s bare, no there’s something
right up in the back
Relief … what is it? Let me
Reach … Pumpkin spice, hunger strike

—–

Love Tanka

by Joem18b

oh my dearest love
i want to give you my heart
but how to do it
rip it out hand it over
or sprinkle with pumpkin spice

—–

Pumpkin Spice (A Poem)

by Not Sheep Minded

Vanilla sweet spice

Pumpkin puree and whipped cream

What is that brown stuff?

I can’t be sure but It might

Be nutmeg or cinnamon

—–

And Then There Were Six

by LWBUT

“There’s a new spice in

town”. “I don’t want to hear it.”

“and it’s Pumpkin Spice!”

“So tell me what you want. ” “What??”

“What you really, really want.”

—–

Yuumy

by Ruth Scribbles

October oraange
English muuffins flavored sooo
Puumpkins grow on vines
Lattes and coffee oooh my
Hot Pumpkin spice soups are too

—–

Untitled piece

by Gary

sunset orange with explosive hot red
unsettling and overpowering
angry and sickly sweet arrogance
rule spiced by lies
sick of Pumpkin Heads presidency

—–

Pumpkin Spice, A Terrible Tanka

by Jim Sponseller

Pumpkin spice is great,

I mean it tastes really good

Add some to coffee,

Or that milky thing, latte?

Then drink it down, no regrets!

—–

Untitled piece

by Cheryl

Pumpkin latte eww

Pumpkin soup would be better

Pumpkin candles nice

Everything October likes

Carving a pumpkin is fun.

—–

Terrible Cook. Look. Worse poet.

by Richmond Road

Peel it. Slice it up

A cup. Of sugar or two

You. Boil it to hell.

For smell? Scented candles get.

Yet more spice. Pumpkin slice. Nice.

—–

Tanka about Pumpkin Spice

by Joanne Fisher

Pumpkin Spice is nice
I’m told by people who drink
overpriced coffees
I’ve never tried it and won’t
I’m too judgmental of them

—–

Hopefully, we’ve not put anyone off their favorite fall treat. Thank you to all the fantastic poets who entered; come back around 10 a.m. MST for next week’s prompt.

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Madame Abject Muse: D. Wallace Peach created this graphic that you can use (if you want) for a badge of honor as the winner:

The Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest

September 28, 2019October 4, 2019Chel Owens 28 Comments

Greetings, mortals, and welcome to the Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest #45!

Sometimes as writers we take ourselves too seriously. We take writing too seriously. Poetry is the worst medium for that, attracting snooty nose-raises and accusations of not being in tune with raw Nature. So; take off the shackles of your beret, read my basic outline here, and live a little!

Here are the specifics for this week:

The type of poetry I’m interested in is a tanka. Colleen Chesebro runs this form (and a few others) every week for her popular Tanka Tuesday challenge.
A tanka is very much like a haiku, but uses the format 5/7/5/7/7.
On top of that, our Topic is PUMPKIN SPICE.
What’s the length? I already told you: it’s a syllabic pattern of 5/7/5/7/7.
Rhyming is not allowed. Scented candles are.
The most important part is to make it terrible. Madame Chesebro herself must apply to WordPress to have my site banned from the internet, burned, and buried with cloves to ensure we never attempt to write tanka poetry again.
Pumpkins and their harvest seasonings can stay rated at PG or tastier.

You have till 8:00 a.m. MST next Friday (October 4) to submit a poem.

Use the form below if you want to be anonymous for a week.

If not, and for a more social experience, include your poem or a link to it in the comments. I highly recommend commenting and not just depending on linkbacks if you write one.

Have fun!