WINNER of the Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest 2/10/2022

TanGental‘s own Geoff Le Pard introduced us to a Pantoum this week. To help us save face, he also suggested we write on embarrassment.

So! Who typed the most embarrassing pantoum?

THAT ONE AFTERNOON AT WORK I WILL NEVER FORGET

by Matt Snyder

Darn, I forgot my belt.
I sure was feeling svelte.
As I was walking down the hall and stood by the darkroom, pew the sulfur I did smelt.
Shucks, just then my pants fell, the embarrassment I surely felt.

I sure was, feeling svelte.
Then my world was upside down, with the card I was dealt.
Shucks, just then my pants fell, the embarrassment I surely felt!!
My female coworkers pointing and laughing, like a bucket of water thrown at me, I was the Witch that Dorothy did melt!

Then, my world, was upside down with the card I was dealt.
As I was walking down the hall and stood by the darkroom, pew the sulfur I did smelt!
My female coworkers pointing and laughing, like a bucket of water thrown at me, I was the Witch that Dorothy did melt!
Darn, I FORGOT MY BELT!!!!!!!!!

—–

Congratulations, Matt! You are once again the most terrible poet of the week! Let me know the type of poem and theme for next week!

The judge had fun trying this poetic form. The pantoum crafts an interesting poem for the poet and I noticed this made few of the poems actually terrible. Matt’s won for breaking the syllable meter with his long sentences. His word choice and topic weren’t bad, either. Well -they were bad, but they weren’t …nevermind.

If you need more excellent stories of embarrassment, here are the remaining poems:

I had wet my Kickers

by willowdot21

There I was petrified
By the radiator refusing to budge
Poor little me only five
I had wet my knickers

By the radiator refusing to budge
The Nuns cajoled my peers nudged
I had wet my kickers
My dress was marked my face was red.

The Nuns cajoled my peers nudged
I stood firm I would not budge
My dress was marked my face was red.
I was ashamed, wished I was dead

I stood firm I would not budge
Until sister Josephine pulled me away.
I was ashamed, wished I was dead .
The embarrassment lives on still in my head!

Until Sister Josephine pulled me away
I thought that I could cope
The embarrassment lives on inside my head
There I was petrified.

—–

Embarrassment

by Ruth

Embarrassment sears hot on my face
Skin throbbing bright in deep red flush
Awkwardness lit up in gaudy neon lights
Drawing attention like a burning beacon…

Skin throbbing bright in deep red flush
All eyes turn on my squirming discomfort
Drawing attention like a burning beacon
Highlighting my humiliated soul…

All eyes turn on my squirming discomfort
Awkwardness lit up in gaudy neon lights
Highlighting my humiliated soul
Embarrassment sears hot on my face…

—–

Untitled

by Not Pam

I’ve had my share of embarrassment
I remember when I was six
My family went to see Star Wars
I ran out of the toilet undies round ankles.

I remember when I was six
Brother and cousin up to their tricks
I ran out of the toilet undies round ankles
They rolled jaffa’s down the aisle without a care

Brother and cousin up to their tricks
My family went to see Star Wars
They rolled jaffa’s down the aisle without a care
I’ve had my share of embarrassment

—–

Bust A Move

by Obbverse

After I’d turned to her for one lousy dance
I was left gasping, so long and red of face,
Away she stepped, after high-arched glance
With effortless entitled aristocratic grace.

I was left, gasping, so long and red of face,
Sorrowfully I watched her pertly depart
With effortless entitled aristocratic grace
Stilettos driving deep into my bitter heart.

Sorrowfully I watched her pertly depart,
She’d put me back in my place and class,
Stilettos driving deep into my bitter heart
When she slipped and fell flat on her ass.

She’d put me back in my place and class
But as the titters began to grow apace
When she slipped and fell flat on her ass
I was left gasping, SO long, and red of face.

—–

Embarrassing frustrating experiences with effective argumentation

by Frank Hubeny

“The earth is blue! The earth is black!”
“No, it ain’t! No, it ain’t!”
“The earth is round and pancake flat!”
“No, it ain’t! No, it ain’t!”

“No, it ain’t! No, it ain’t”
“The earth is round and pancake flat!”
“No, it ain’t! No, it ain’t!”
“The earth is blue! The earth is black!

—————–

It ain’t.

It is.

It ain’t. It ain’t. It ain’t. IT AIN’T!

It is. It is. It…(swat).

—–

Thank you, you amazing poets, you! Come back tomorrow to learn next week’s prompt.

Matt: Here’s the honorary badge you can post as proof of your poetic mastery:

terrible-poetry-contest

©2022 The poets, and their respective poems.

A Choir Concert to Remember, Pantoum for the Terrible Poetry Contest

All I wanted was to sing
I didn’t know I’d be puking
For, songs are usu’lly not sick’ning
Unless you’re nervous and lock your legs

I didn’t know I’d be puking
From the back row, on an upswing
Unless you’re nervous and lock your legs
My peers were angry and dripping

From the back row, on an upswing
For, songs are usu’lly not sick’ning
My peers were angry and dripping
All I wanted was to sing

©2022 Chel Owens

Yes, this happened. Fifth grade. I still don’t know if I was sick or simply locked my knees. At least I didn’t hit the audience.

This was the least sickening gif I found…

Pantoum is a fun form to try. Go on; write one up and submit it for this week’s Terrible Poetry Contest.

The Terrible Poetry Contest

Welcome to the weekly Terrible Poetry Contest!

Terrible poetry isn’t that difficult. If you want to know the best way to go about it, read HERE. If you don’t care, you’ve already skimmed over this paragraph and butterflies will take over the world someday.

So, here are the specifics:

  1. Last week’s winner, Geoff, has decided on the Topic of embarrassment, written as a pantoum. According to poets.org, “The pantoum is a poem of any length, composed of four-line stanzas in which the second and fourth lines of each stanza serve as the first and third lines of the next stanza. The last line of a pantoum is often the same as the first.” (See below, for a visual outline.)
  2. It sounds like the Length must be at least two stanzas. Where you go from there is up to you and your junior high crush.
  3. Rhyming is optional.
  4. Like any good embarrassing story, make it terrible! Make us squirm in our chairs at the over-applied makeup and out-of-style outfit you wore to the wrong night of your crush’s birthday party when her overprotective father opened the door and then you were the reason she got grounded for a month so she never spoke to you again but you just ran into her at the grocery store… Literally. Your car insurance has now gone up.
  5. Rating: PG-13 or cleaner.
© University of Waterloo

You have till 8:00 a.m. MST next Thursday (February 10) to submit a poem.

Use the form below if you want to be anonymous for a week.

For a more social experience, include your poem or a link to it in the comments. Please alert me if your pingback or poem does not show up within a day.

The winner gains bragging rights, a badge, and the option to choose the next week’s topic and type of poem.

Photo by Anna Shvets from Pexels

—–

©2022 Chel Owens

Mystery Blogger Awarded

Thanks to Beckie of Beckie’s Mental Masterfulness for nominating me last week; and on my birthday, no less!

Here are my answers to Beckie’s awesome queries:

  1. Do you collect something, if so, what?
    I just might have a problem collecting books. Yes, I can quit when I -okay; no, no I can’t.

    susan-yin-647448-unsplash.jpg
    may have more than this.
  2. Other than writing, do you have any other hobbies or activities that you enjoy?
    I am a mother and housewife (and regular wife, and taxi, and….) “other than writing.” *Sigh* As such, my other hobbies need to fit between the cracks. They include reading, running, camping, and artsing.
  3. What is your most embarrassing moment in public?
    I puked on several kids at our choir concert in fifth grade.
  4. If you had your choice of sleeping on a bed of nails or eating chocolate covered ants, which would you choose, and why?
    I seriously think this question needs more parameters. I mean; if I only had to sleep on the nail bed for ten seconds, that’d be fine. If I only had to try one ant, that would also be fine.
    Mostly I don’t think I would be able to sleep on nails or chew insects.

    mi_shots-410599-unsplash.jpg
    Cute; but, UGH!
  5. What is your worse pet-peeve?
    I’ve been thinking about this one. My worst pet-peeve is people being selfish, especially at the expense of others. Seriously, people, have some manners if you can’t have empathy.

Some of my favorite posts I giggled to myself over include “Encounter in the Alley,” “Silent but Tardy,” “Everlore,” “My Muse,” and “A Spoonful of Limericks.”

Any stragglers-on to my blog know I’m not a huge fan of this chain mail thing, so my nominees are more a list of blogs I follow that I highly recommend you all check out. If they want to answer the questions, more power to them.

Len of Len’s Daily Diary. Brilliant mind, touching observations, and excellent story-teller.

Treeshallow Musings. She’s a gifted poet and word-painter.

Geoff. If you haven’t read Mr. LePard yet, that may be better for your health.

H.R.R. Gorman. Also an excellent writer; delving into a little sci-fi, a little horror, a little fun.

Beverly Hughes. One of my favorite people. She writes moving and insightful posts about mental illness and her journeyings.

Official Nominees: you may choose to answer my questions:

  • Is there anything chocolate cannot solve?
  • Are fabric softeners really effective?
  • Who is your favorite Disney princess?
  • Which storybook villain would always win a limerick competition?
  • If you could vote for anyone to be leader of your respective country, who would it be and why wouldn’t it be Girl Scout Tagalong cookies?

If interested, here are the rules and such:

Rules:

  1. Put the award logo/image on your blog.
  2. List the rules.
  3. Thank whoever nominated you and provide a link back to their blog.
  4. Answer the 5 questions from the blogger who nominated you.
  5. Mention the creator of the award and provide a link as well.
  6. Tell your readers 3 things about yourself.
  7. You have to nominate 10 – 20 people.
  8. Notify your nominees by commenting on their blog.
  9. Ask your nominees any 5 questions of your choice; with one weird or funny question (specify).
  10. Share a link to your best post(s).

Photo Credits:
Susan Yin
mi_shots