Just Another Perk of Working

Waaaaay back when I worked a full-time job, I had a bit of a power struggle with one of our building’s renters. Our company leased the entire second floor of a two floor building and a few businesses leased the spaces beneath. One of those was an insurance agent.

As far as we could tell, the insurance agent did nothing. He was part of a huge umbrella company, like Allstate. He had no clients and took long lunches.

Yes, most of my team were people-watchers.

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The conflict was over parking spaces. He raised a stink with the building manager, saying that he needed x number of spaces for his clients (who were nonexistent). Our rather large body of employees quickly exceeded the bounds of the lot. A few passive-aggressive maneuvers transpired until our manager asked us to respect the whiner’s parking spaces.

One day that was also the first day of my monthly cycle, I came to work feeling terrible. I parked in a no-no spot because, frankly, I did not care. I also parked there because I was certain I’d be asking my boss for the rest of the day off based on how I felt.

Cue a message from the insurance guy, who literally had nothing better to do than spy on his spaces.

Cue my boss sending me a message about how Allstate Junior wanted me to move my car.

Cue my response: Screw the insurance guy.

I got up, moved my car, took pain medications, and worked the rest of the day. Incident forgotten -or so I thought.

Months -YES, MONTHS!- later, our boss quit. A woman named Jadis* took over, since she’d been in no position that should have been promoted but we later learned the whole team was being phased out so the head people at our company really didn’t care.

Jadis decided that she should meet with each of us. She said it was a way to get to know everyone; she probably added some tripe about team unity or whatnot. I didn’t know her very well and entered the meeting in good faith.

How little I knew.

That meeting was the worst I’ve ever had -and I’ve been fired whilst pregnant (another story, another time). Jadis proceeded to tell me that I had a terrible attitude as an employee and that I wasted time. She showed me the message I had sent to our team lead all those months ago. She explained that I would be logging every half hour each day to show I wasn’t wasting company time. She made it clear that I was on thin ice and had better shape up.

I was shocked. Yes, what I had typed about the insurance guy was immature and inappropriate. No one said anything at the time, so I thought it done and over with. Just to be sure, I tracked down our former boss and asked him. I apologized to him. No, he told me, he hadn’t been offended. Yes, he’d completely forgotten it.

Jadis, meanwhile, made my work life hell. No one had any work to do, yet I (alone) had to log my productivity. I made up things like, “verified accuracy of past files,” or “organized workspace.” I even wrote when I used the bathroom or ate lunch.

It was a double slap to the face, considering that one of the other employees had not been clocking out for lunch, had been reported by everyone, and had yet to be reprimanded or fired.

If you’re wondering where I’m going with today’s post, it is here: I think everyone has had a horrible boss or supervisor. I think you all have stories. You may have to give us the truncated version, here, but who was it? What did he or she do? Does the story have a happy ending?

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My story does, in a way, but I’ll leave that for another lengthy post. In the meantime, share your dirt. Go on: I promise I won’t make you tell me when you used the bathroom.

 

*Name changed

—————-

After the catharsis of ratting on your terrible employer, read what I did last week:
Wednesday, March 27: A bit of a mind trip in disassociation with “Where IS My Mind?

Thursday, March 28: “The Cure for Depression: Help Someone Else,” another suggestion in a series originally posted over at The Bipolar Writer Mental Health Blog.

Friday, March 29: Winner of the Weekly Terribly Poetry Contest. Congratulations to Joanne the Geek!

Saturday, March 30: Announced the 20th Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest. The theme is Springtime Haiku. PLEASE ENTER!

Also posted my answers and nominations for The Mystery Blogger Award.

Sunday, March 31: “Glad Tidings of Nymble” for Carrot Ranch‘s prompt.

Monday, April 1: My answers and nominations for The Liebster Award.

Tuesday, April 2:  An inspirational quote from a piece by Violet Lentz.

Finally posted “Wilhelmina Winters, Eighty-Eight.”

Wednesday, April 3: Today.

I also posted all this week at my motherhood site. I wrote “Don’t Give In, and Stay Sane Doing So,” “The Good Old Days,” and “The Polls are In (a poem).”

 

Photo Credit:
Photo by Dmitry Ratushny on Unsplash
Image by 942987 from Pixabay

WINNER of the Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest

Oh. my. heck. Yes -even Oh, my flippin’ heck!

I had SO much difficulty picking a winner. There were only two or three poems that were a tad too pretty, and even those chose to do something terrible at some point.

This means that the following pulled ahead by merely a squeak:

Untitled piece

by M.K.M.

Submit to authority, they say with a twitch
The twitch was insecurity
“She’s a snitch” I yell, drug off in cuffs
But this was a figment of my imagination
Snitch! I mumble as the cops catch my bluff
Once again my imagination
I get back to scrubbing the dishes
I still hate my boss for making me use soap
Dumb
Bum
Sum
Crumb. Cake.
Crap…
More crumb cake to scrub away.

Congratulations to M.K.M! You are the most terrible poet of the week!

think what ultimately pushed this one ahead was that I really respected the poet’s masterful rhyming and meter patterns -specifically, his or her ability to lead us along like the poem was actually going somewhere and then throw us against a brick wall of Verse Expectation.

I also liked the theme that then wasn’t really a theme but ended up with a semi-related theme that was just nonsense. I do not say this was a winning element, however, as a few of the other ‘poets’ utilized a similar method.

Speaking of the others; here they are, in roughly the order of submission:

My dumb manager (with footnotes to aid scholars)

by The Ever-Patient Bruce Goodman

My manager is really dumb.
Oh bum.
What a wonderfully dumb manager is my manager.
I haven’t turned up for work in three years and she hasn’t noticed yet.
Heck. (Footnote: “Heck” almost rhymes with “yet”).
I love my dumb manager.
When I married her I knew she would overlook my attendance
in order to get independence.
Isn’t that funny? (Footnote: “funny” rhymes with “money” but I was unable to fit the word “money” in).
I am now going with my dumb manager to Honolulu
so don’t poopoo (Footnote: “poopoo” rhymes with “Honolulu”) my dumb manager.
I said to my dumb manager, “I just know ya
can’t wait to say aloha.”
Hurrah for my dumb waitress manager!

—–

The (almost a) Sonnet to Dumb Managers Everywhere

by Greygirlieandme

Managers come in all shapes and sizes,
And all sorts of capabilities.
Their office walls show their college prizes,
Proving they’ve fast tracked above the minions.

They’ll grind you down with blue sky thinking,
Process improvements and horizon scans.
Kaizen this and ‘Is it agile? that.
Well my paradigm’s not shifting yet.

They stalk offices all over the place,
Brain storming us all to bored ennui.
Bragging about their third rate MBAs
And that it’s not about I but us.

Pie charts, gantt charts, synergized flow charts.
Oh stuff it all, you’re the elephants in the room.

—–

Untitled piece

by Furious Pockets

There once was a boss from the city,
Whose management style was woke.
If you were a man, you’d be out of luck,
For ‘twas only the women he wanted to promote.

—–

The Mutually Exclusive Manager

by D. Wallace Peach, Esquire

Work ‘til five, no overtime
But get that project done

He hopes that you enjoy your work
But growls if you’re having fun

Work, work, working for a crumb
I got a headache, working for a bum
Wish I could quit, my manager’s dumb

He hires on the cheap
Then gripes about training

Moans that my attitude stinks
But does nothing but complaining

Work, work, working for a crumb
I got a headache, working for a bum
Wish I could quit, my manager’s dumb

—–

Untitled piece

by RhScribbles

Dumb managers are
Dumb du dumb dumb

Your boss is dumber
Dumber du dumber dumb

Than a box of rocks
Rocks ro rocks rocks

Take a bathroom break
And never return
That boss will
Really burn 🔥
burn bu burn burn

His popcorn

—–

Untitled piece

by Anne Copeland

Oh manager, oh manager . . .
It’s time for your review.
Your service sucks in every way,
And your personality is peeyew!
I am not your personal errand girl
And my butt’s not yours to pinch.
If you think you can bully me
You need to see the Grinch!
I’m glad I’m not a boss like you
With your tail between your legs
A chicken has more brains than you
And it can lay good eggs.
I used to think you were half a man
But now as I look to see what’s left,
There must have been a terrible theft
For all I see is a garbage can . . .

—–

Untitled piece

by Lisa Bradshaw

There was a manager once
who stood before my desk
do this do that he said.
who me, should I really
but yesterday was something else
and now it’s something new
Make up your mind I clearly thought
you change things all the time
I’ll keep as is the page you see,
as tomorrow for sure
there will be ideas anew.
It’s the pedestal that you require
reserved for people like you

—–

The Misguided Manger

by Peregrine Arc

He has this book, he said.

It’ll revolutionize our corner on the market.

He said.

I sighed. Someone next to me cried. I do not lie. We did not want to try his newfangled ideas, I surmised.

“We’ll make frappucinos better, our Eggs Benedict delicious-ier. We shall be be known as the restaurant that stole brunch!”

Fry. Sizzle. Pop. Smear. Toast. Serve.

Clink, clink, clink. Receipt, receipt, receipt.

“Still we forgot one thing. We never advertised, did we?”

Munch, munch, munch. The same old bunch.

Lovely they were, but the same old bunch.

Lunch, lunch, lunch.

Come get the brunch!

Sizzle.

You are all doing very well, class. I am most impressed at the awfulness of your writings. Be sure to tune in tomorrow for the next week’s contest prompt and rules.

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The Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest

Greetings peoples!! Welcome to the eighth installment of The Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest.

If you are like most poets, you probably write too well to consider entering. Don’t worry; just read “How To Write Terrible Poetry.” After that, follow these rules:

  1. The topic is Dumb Managers. I felt inspired on behalf of a friend.
  2. For length, I’m good with short. Keep it under 150 words.
  3. Rhyme if you want. I’m not forcing anyone.
  4. WRITE TERRIBLY! Though we may cheer that incompetence is receiving its comeuppance, we must also be made to cringe.
  5. Don’t get too carried away, but I’m upping the rating to PG-13.

You have till 8:00 a.m. MST next Friday (January 11, 2019) to submit a poem.

I’m trying out this submission form again. Not sure I like it, so you may also leave your entry or a link to it in the comments.

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