Phew! After last month‘s hilarious entries, I had a bit of trouble thinking of what our next venture should be. What to do, what to do…
Let’s try an oldie but a goodie: A Funny Love Poem Inside a Greeting Card.
Most greeting cards can’t hold a ballad, so a few stanzas ought to do us for the Length.
I’d recommend rhyming. I mean, you are serious about this love interest, aren’t you?
Yes, this is love (or something like unto it) but the Rating‘s PG or cleaner. After all, some kid might stumble across your offering while trying out all the musical cards.
Only in stories do lovers say all the right words, remember every birthday and anniversary, and get just the right present. We are not writing a story, here, we’re writing a humorous poem. As such, make us laugh. Laughter’s the best way to a person’s heart; right? And, as a side note, whoever said this was a card expressing love to a person? What if you’re more fond of a juicy cheeseburger? Just a thought…
You have till 10:00 a.m. MST next MONTH (March 5) to submit a poem.
Use the form, below, to remain anonymous until results are posted.
Otherwise, include your poem or a link to it in the comments. You cannot simply link back to my post because WordPress is stupid and I will not receive it.
Just in time for Halloween, this week’s challenge was to write the wittiest message inside your next anniversary card. So, who wrote the wittiest?
Unaltered By Time, by Michael B. Fishman 148,920 hours since we said, “I do”, and honey, baby, I still love you.
You always fight fair, you sometimes let me win. And who really cares if you’re no longer thin?
You’re the mother of my children and one day you’ll agree, that it’s probably a good thing that the kids look like me.
You’re the one and only entry in my little black book, and it’s never been a problem that you really can’t cook.
Your eyes are as bright as that very first day, and it doesn’t bother me that your hair is all gray.
All these years later, and I happy I met ‘ya? Every minute, every day, oh sweetheart, you betcha.
Congratulations, Fishman, on a-musing me! You won for the clever, terrible, almost-sweet mentions to your sweetheart.
Others went a similar direction. Others, still, went farther for a good laugh. Read and enjoy:
Untitled, by Trent McDonald Happy Anniversary! (Only 4 days late) Did I tell you today That you look great!?
And can you believe It’s been 10 years? So full of smiles (And full of tears…) I remember that day Oh so very well (A party the night before, I still felt like Hell.)
But you were beautiful In your gown and vail But my hung-over mind Was only thinking of some tai..(BLEEP! – sorry, keeping it PG 😉 )
But overall it was A day from Heaven Even if the rings were forgotten By my best man, Kevin
And since that best of days When you were made my wife I’ve counted my blessings So thankful that you are in my life!
(Did I make it up to you With my poetry? Will you please unlock the door And perhaps forgive me?)
Untitled, by Jon Dear, Oh dear, Another year! Let me be clear: I want to share, as many as you dare!
An Anniversary Messsage, by H.R.R. Gorman They say marriage is about sparks, About that someone who in the dark Sets your mind and loins aflame. But isn’t that meager? Lame?
I’ve learned in this blissful year That’s it’s more like cracking a beer Open and accepting farts Are made by those with good hearts.
So while I take a hot shower, You grunt on the throne with power. It’s the sign of your loving care That you keep pooping and don’t stare.
Happy Anniversary!
Untitled, by Hobbo Married now for fifty year And I still think you’re hot So, love is in the air, my dear When you say,”Yes. Why not?”
Aunty Jess, by Mister Bump To write this prompt, it wasn’t hard, I hardly ever send a card. My family is very scant, Except down under, have an aunt.
Another aunt in Lancashire, She’s eighty now, delightful dear, Her birthday now is round about, I’d better pull my finger out!
The card’s awaiting me to send, My missus made it last weekend, Better than I could have bought, But to the message, gave no thought.
No flow’ry message was supplied, Just “Happy Birthday” stamped inside, As long as there’s no writer’s cramp, All I’m waiting for’s a stamp.
Must keep my cool, not overkeen, Her birthday’s not ’til Hallowe’en, By then must break out from my bubble, If card is late, I’ll be in trouble!
Untitled, by Deb Whittam Roses are red Violets are blue We’ve grown old together What are we going to do?
Hard of hearing, You snore, I fart, Thirty years together It’s way too late to part
Always on the cards, by Over Soil Last second writing “All my love” so cursory, Time and again made us forget each anniversary, For us, protecting trees was always on the cards, So what better than a trip to a nearby plant nursery.
Untitled, by Ellen Best I love your beard … when its not there. And the shine … that’s not hair. The way that you snore sounded sweet Well until, the first time it woke me from sleep.
I love the ring in your nose The way you bite at your toes Because you can’t be arsed, to get the clippers off the shelf.
I like all the things that you do, But you never bag the dogs poo. Now that might make me mad, just a bit. I am glad we got wed, Though you spent a week in bed Because of jet lag As I recall you to say.
Romance is not dead We’ll have adventures you said, So we married on a beach in the bay Even the bomb squad didn’t ruin our day.
Welcome, one and all, to the A Mused Poetry Contest! We are very serious about humor here.
These are the specifics for this week:
At Ellen’s suggestion, the Theme is the wittiest message inside your next anniversary card. (And, coincidentally, happy anniversary to her and her husband!)
The Length needs to be short and sweet and easy on the ink. Let’s keep it under 122.5 words.
Rhymes are a popular and catchy way to sell greeting cards, but it’s not a requirement for this contest.
The Rating can be PG-13 or cleaner (please avoid cussing).
The years have been kind to your sweetheart …or, maybe not. Either way, make him/her laugh. They’ve put up with you this long, after all…
You have till 10:00 a.m. MST next Friday (October 9) to submit a poem.
Use the form below to stay anonymous for a week.
Otherwise, for a more social experience, include your poem or a link to it in the comments. Drop a comment if you try to link back and it doesn’t show up within a day.
