That Liebster Award Thingie

Many thanks to Peregrine Arc for this here Liebster Award.

Liebster Flowers

 

In answer to her questions:

  1. Why is blogging called blogging? Why isn’t it called ejournaling or something similar, you know?
    *Ahem* It’s a portmanteau of “web” and “log.” In the old days, before you young’uns even had a microwave death trap for yer food or a cellular cancer ray fer yer textin’, a person who wrote online kept a web log.
    I blame the rising generation, George Orwell, and the Germans for the term.
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  2. If you ever actually came across a ghost (yours to invent) what would your honest reaction be, as far as you can tell? 👻
    That’s easy! I’d scream like a banshee (also a ghostly apparition) and run away.
  3. If an animal talked to you, would you respond back? Or would you run to the nearest neurologist? What’s the animal and what did it say to you?
    Assuming an animal spoke English to me, I believe it would be like Gary Larson’s Far Side of the dog translator: a bunch of mutts saying, “Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!” I wouldn’t tell the neurologist anything; they charge way too much. And, dog is the first animal I thought of.
  4. You’re on stage, accepting your dream award. What’s the award and what did you do to deserve it? Who do you remember to thank in your speech? And, here’s the kicker: is there anyone you blow the whistle on? This is your chance now to start some change…
    I am so boring. I don’t even know of any awards besides the movie ones and that Nobel thing. I’d really just want to be extremely rich and famous, but for the best reasons. So; no, I wouldn’t be blowing any whistles -except on those idiots who don’t know how to use a roundabout.
  5. What do you think should be done about me-monsters? You know, those people who just rattle on about themselves at dinner parties until you bend your fork into a boomerang so the investigators can’t find the murder weapon?
    A boomerang fork is highly inventive! I’d go with that, or a laryngitis-shooting secret ring.
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  6. If you could have one book unpublished (as in never published and removed from time) what would it be and why?
    I would unpublish every single serial book that is crap (and all the movies, too). Yes, that counts as one.

And again, here are a list of sites you ought to read and follow. I try not to repeat people I’ve suggested from past nominations (here, here, here, and here):

PK Adams. Writes about running, religion, and life.

Bruce. The best at writing bad endings for his characters; recently taken to composing songs and sharing them.

Roberta Writes. She lives in South Africa and writes some creepy (and good) stuff.

John L. Malone. John’s about quick punches, short stories, and the nonsense that makes them.

Michael B. Fishman. Michael is funny, and a fantastic terrible poet.

Nominees, here are your questions if you wish to answer them:

  • Would you rather sleep in on Sunday, and would a cat sitting on your face change that answer?
  • Given an infinite number of monkeys and typewriters, how soon before they realize typewriters are outdated and they’ll need to learn sign language?
  • What is the best paper airplane design?
  • Who would win in a duel: chocolate volcano cake or bananas foster?
  • If you could choose one magical power, what powers would everyone else have?

 

According to P’Arc:
What is the Liebster Prize?

“The Liebster Prize is an award that exists only on the Internet and is awarded to bloggers by other bloggers. The first case of the award goes back to 2011. Liebester in German means sweet, kind, kind, dear, charming, kind, pleasant, valued, cute, endearing and welcome. It really is an excellent way to meet other bloggers and gain more visibility in the community.”

Use the links below to follow the rules and find the submission page:

https://theglobalaussie.com

Submission Page

Official Rules

 

Photo Credits:
Image by suju from Pixabay
Image by Виктория Бородинова from Pixabay

WINNER of the Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest

At long (and I mean LONG last), we have the winner for this week’s contest.

It is Doug.

Every Sentence Runs Out

by Doug

Sentences, gracefully elaborated, embellished
with the sounds of glorious triumph, played

with cacophonous instruments of
drunken loquacious musicians strung out
on their heart strings,

birds and cats
playing around with joyful noise who are mine,

these sentences gracefully making every trill
a wave to glory, oceanic, are not runaways,
being ensconced in dreams, and

pray tell, if I may continue,
the words of the angels
are infinite and concise like
love that sings forever charming and
as elaborate as is a sentence to joy,

many times re-phrased, re-claused
like a Santa Clause whose mythology endures
way beyond his run away sleigh, bells of grace
reverberating with every sentence pronounced
by judges and supplicants
gracefully joined in symphony, in
sympathy, in empathy, and joined on every path
to any pathy even daffy, because
the complex can be simply wonderful
like you all who indulge
the marathon run into oblivion
with a billion words and
who pause to hear my running word.

Give me my praise
I shall not want but my
thousand splendid words, and
she who is verbose, perhaps,
yea but

Maybe I should have met her
on every cherished thought I had

but nocturnal words are fickle
and u don’t know how much i tried

oh don’t scold me if I tell u others
of the old words that defy

Look up,
look it up:
those lucubrations

where I studied romance,
but feared to speak out loud
lest a candle be blown out
on a cherished doubtful notion

Maybe I could have known her
with every cherished thought I had

Devotions in motion maybe
are not a type face. I’m
looking it up.

Sometimes she’s in a digital box,
but now I imagine:

Looking up to the sky
she’s running wild style
climbing adventurous trees

Those wild trees uproot themselves
just to make a statement
even if they fall short of running
but, of course, it’s not recommended

Yes, trees can branch
that’s their slow motion adventure
when they must wait for seed carriers
that bear their fruit

Maybe she’ll come down
for our favorite wine
and a dithyramb
about ecstasy
and leafy love

I have seen her dither,
climb a tree in bloom
speak with flirty birds
and have a word with me
that is a subtle twitter bark
surrounding like a hug wood
a play with banter-word chirps

But wilder is better because
even in flighty tedium whims
she knows the prolix eagles
who extend their wings
and cry for hours when
she speaks their language

With a waiting twiddle I wanted much
to touch her since then, and
there is a flourish in melody
that accompanies the twaddle
of the giddy blooming of me
I hear when I think
of her as branching music
reaching for the sky

I know she’s reading
between tweets
sneaking a look at
longer things like me
world famous innuendo

Hello, I can see you dear and
I have words to sing.
Step away from the box screen
and meet me in the forest;
there’s a long body
of conversation
of pleasure

I want my thousand words,
don’t want to abbreviate you
or shorten the picture

I don’t see you as a u or pic, and
I’m so sorry u were picked on

I will file a brief
in the highest court for
je ne sais quoi appeals, and
run rampant on ramparts of verbosity
because at least prolixity has a tongue
a lingua frank and a lingua true
not politically corrected scrub
but where I could be a tree
and you could be a bush
in the metaphor field
away from the digital box
and on to lots

short enough for ya’
u,… Oh, I would ask
your real name, but
I forgot mine

Maybe if I’ve lost my mind,
all these palpitations I have known
will be smoothed by mellifluous U when
your dear ear is on my flighty heart, and
frenzied eagles clap their wings, but yes
it’s best to reminisce, be in the pasture
of the past remembering:

maybe I should have met her
on every cherished thought I had
on the euphonious sound
of the mind plays played out
splayed like detritus loved, but

I knew her in the protest days
when she had the cacoethes loquendi,
was a gifted articulate rabble rouser
in a day when there were no cell phones
just cells

Oh the sadness of her cacoepy when
she mumbles tripe into the belly of a text message
never speaking in a sentence that would echo
over the harbinger crows that these days
inhabit the empty speakers’ square
where passersby, no longer downtrodden,
are down headed streaming pap on screens

I knew her when she would stand on a statue
demand her rights when she was right, there
in the speakers’ square (secretly knowing she was cute)

But now she’s downheaded and confused
refusing the speakers’ platform
where birds and I
could hear some rhetorical question
that I profoundly would, with chalice aforethought,

mischievously answer in basso profundo
“Share my wine of fictional dictum in a cup”
and I could see now that
she’d pronounce us “Huh whaa?”
and does she know I know
she knows she’s cute

I think a kiss would be
better than a text message
or a revolution

Give me my praise
I shall not be wanted

My praise is in the valley.
There the lambs are abundant;
I do not need to want for lamb chops, and
no need for stewing.

Give me my paprika,
the shepherdess is at the barbecue

My staff, they comfort me,
the office gives me my just humor;
they humor me in cacophony

I cross the river into Egypt
and find my sticks, no carrots

Loquaciousness
do not fail me now, for
I must beg to be let to
come to the gates of Heaven
and plead my case in
the verbosity of the century, yea
I come to praise Caesar and myself in kind

Indeed tell me he is there
and I am ubiquitous in
the quadrillion words of praise.

Congratulations, Doug! You are the most terrible poet of the week!

If you managed to get through all of Doug’s poem, you may have thought, “Well, of COURSE he won. would have given him first prize just to stop reading!” …Maybe that was just me. But, I wish for all entrants and readers to know that length was not the primary determinant in choosing.

Length was one of the qualities that helped Doug win the crown, only because he clearly used length as an intentionally irritating characteristic. Besides incredible long-ness; I appreciated his word usage (in fact, Doug’s second poem almost won first for that, as well as two or three other submissions I received), somewhat-cohesive subject, more formal tone, and intentional (I hope) misspellings and mis-wordings.

That’s not to say the others didn’t give Doug a run for his …prestige of earning first prize. If you can stand to, read them all below:

In Praise of Verbosity

by Doug

Do not abjure verbosity in
servile service to the reckless feckless,
those pusillanimous brevity mice,
rodents on the road to hell paved
with the cheesy gold, like pyrite
written on the cave wall, those
who shun the consanguinity of
the synonymatic coinage, and who
at best are simpletons,
mere intelligentsia manqué
taking a wrecking ball to
a palace where formal balls are
hosted with complex word dances
with subordinate clauses and pauses
in pas de deux coupling of phrases

It is not mythomania
to champion verbosity against the normative nabobs
who can not lengthen themselves to Robert
and not be Bob bobbing in a tiny pond
when the oceanic awaits the big fish.

A penchant for words is the progenitor
of the verbose pension proscription
unless one eats one’s words.

—–

Untitled piece

by Peregrine Arc

Over the river and through the woods
To loquacious land we go
Up and down, in and out
Throwing up long words and thumbing our snouts
Dotting our I’s
Hearing our tunes
Taking a breathe
Delivering ’til June
Free write is a way
To earn free spoons…

But did I tell, did you hear
The tune of a man who drove a John Deere?
Upwards and humming
Downwards and chummy
And boy did that grass grooooww—-oh!

Over the river and through the woods
To Captain Marvel we go!
Did you see the movie yet?
It was great, the actions spectact!
-ular, oooh!

Over the bridge and under the fire
Suddenly we’re quite alone.
I hear music a thrumming,
A child humming
And then it’s back to loquacious land we ….gooooooo……

Repeat ad naseuam.

—–

Verbosity is my Name

by Ruth Scribbles

I want to write a story

But you’d be so bor-y-ed

I want to write a poem

And you’d be all ho-hum-ed 😴

I’d write you a tune

Yet you’d tune it out

Whoa is me

So I decided to write what pleases me

And they all said glory be!

Will she be verbose?

Or will we all become comatose?

So she began to write

The more she wrote

The crazier she felt

Until she saw herself sitting there

Writing about writing

Blah blah blah

Then she began to sing as she wrote

The words became a song

Verbose is the name of the game

Cringe if you must

But I will boast

That I am the most

Verbose

After a cup of coffee

They call me verbosity

That is really silly,

Don’t you think?

Is your thinking verbose?

Wow…. now THAT my friends

Is morose!

I’m done now

So I’ll say goodbye

Or is the end better?

What is the best way

To end a verbose poem

Terribly!

Ba bye all yawl!!

—–

Unfortunate Decision

by Violet Lentz

Dare you hear the haunted humming of your heinous, heathen, heroin heart? As it whines, whispers, moans, meows, making love to your muddled mind..

Even in sacred, solemn silence- it mouths, mimes, meanders, melding wit with wisdom, it’s wanton wishes, willfully woo you with, and without words.

Cunningly the darling devil delights in its own devious desires- dipping, delving, deeper, deeper, desperate to draw on your personal penchant for privilege- pestering, pleading, plying, pulling- please?

It gropes, it grasps, it gathers, regretfully you dis-graciously give in finally, to its felonious, festering, frivolity- finishing your frolic with a familiar foray into faux forever….

So stealthily has it succeeded in ceremoniously sucking you in, so slyly you have been smitten, smote, stolen, sold.  All attachments annihilated. Set adrift. aloft. alone..

In grotesque hues of envious green, grinning, glaring, gorging, gouging away at your still sensitive sane self, it splays itself, spread-eagle before you.. begotten, betrothed, bewitched, beguiled- be damned..

Openly, luring you with liberal libations, limitless ludicrous luxury, lovingly, lustfully leering, “look at me”… At last releasing, its succor, slowly, sensually, silently, seducing you. You succumb. Such sweet surrender….

Never one to linger, laughing as it lecherously leaves you.. You look longingly, lingering- lost… Addicted. Abused. Used-up. Useless.. Another unfortunate decision…

—–

A Simple Song of Spring

by Trent P. McDonald

‘Tis spring!
A man thinks of the simple things
The important things
‘Tis spring
The vernal equinox
As the sun moves past the equator
No, that’s not right
The sun doesn’t move
Does it?
Well, technically, it does move
Rotating around the galaxy’s hub
While the galaxy zips out from…
Wait, what’s our frame of reference?
Where does the galaxy zip from?
Where did it start?
Hmmmm…
About 13 billion years ago
The universe was born
For the first few nano-seconds
Before matter as we understand existed
The Universe actual went faster than the speed of light
Well, light didn’t exist yet
Anyway
It all slowed down to just a bit less than the speed of light
Now it has slowed more
Though the mass is unaccounted for
To make it slow so much
So we developed the concept of dark matter
It is possible that the dark matter
Caused the galaxies to form
From galaxies are born stars
Like our sun
And around our star, Sol, a system
The Solar System was formed
Which includes Earth
Which rotates around the sun, Sol
But the axis is tilted
So once every rotation
From a reference on Earth
(of course)
The sun moves past the equator
(From that frame of reference, remember!)
Heading north
Well, that brings us back to spring
Now doesn’t it?
‘Tis spring!
And man thinks of the simple things
The important things

—–

Words, words and more words

by Greygirlieandme

What is a word you ask?
I’ll set myself to this impossible task.
A collection of letters
made by your olders and betters.
You put the letters into syllables
so they become understandables.
And then you add the syllables together
to make a word, one doesn’t do – you need more to blether
and blether and blether and babble
just like when you’re playing scrabble.
I always win the wordy game,
I don’t cheat, as you proclaim.
I know more words than you do, you know
please don’t keep up this horrible row.
And when you’ve got your words sorted out
that’s when you can begin to spout.
Proclaim to all and sundry, everywhere
at speaker’s corner, the market square. Here
you might find an audience
who’ll listen to your every sentence.
And when you’ve bored them into submission
why not audition for the television?
So many channels are on the air, cable,
internet, and the radio. I’ll ask my Aunty Mabel
which one would suit your constant blather,
don’t get yourself in such a lather,
your constant chit-chat
makes everyone say ‘What?
What is this person going on about?’
It makes my ears begin to sprout
little hands to close the lobes
against your words not as wise as Job’s.
Just because words come in trillions
like the lovely Brazilian’s
nuts, you need only use a few.
Like an orderly queue.
Not a raging mass of words
that turns my milk into curds.
It’s time to stop
before I pop.

—–

Verbose

by TanGental

There are those who think me alien
And whose gratuitous opinions pale when
They realise I’m sesquipedalian
A lot

Some will think it a pity
And others are just plain shitty
If I say it’s serendipity
Or wot.

I admit I like things in order
And it’s true I’ve been known to murder
Those who enjoy schadenfreude
A lot.

And I’ll be the first to run a mile
And never forget to smile
In the presence of a logophile
Or wot.

And in truth nobody knows
How it drives me comatose
When I’m told I’m far too verbose
A lot

Because to me it would appear
That my meaning is always clear
Despite verbal diarrhoea
Or wot.

Some fear it might be contagious
And the suggestion really audacious
That we need to be more loquacious
A lot.

But the bottom line is why use one word when a dozen will do and if I didn’t go on and on and on and on then the howling void that comprises your puling mediocre lives would be so overwhelming you might think you had something important to say and that would never do.
Thank you
A lot.

—–

Thank you; thank you for entering! You’ve ruined made my day, and the days of many lucky readers besides me.

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Doug: D. Wallace Peach created this graphic that you can use (if you want) for a badge of honor as the winner:

The Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest

Welcome to the 18th Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest!

Wondering what we’re about? You’re not alone; read my terrible poetry how-to. We seek to tear apart all that is good and rhyming about contests and poetry, and to decide whether those two roads actually went anywhere in a yellow wood.

Here are the specific rules for this week:

  1. Let’s go with the Topic of Verbosity. Are you familiar in acquaintance with persons who cannot but broaden their sentences, their lexicon, the lift of their nose, and the limited attentions of your interest? If you are, you’re ready for this week.
  2. What about Length? This is a poem about wordiness, you know…
  3. Rhyme if you want to, but it’s not a requirement.
  4. Your creation must be Terrible. Professor Theodore Persimmon Wordsworth III will surely raise his person to a full, standing height; discharge an obstruction from the general vicinity of his windpipe; expound in the manner of a filibuster for the duration of several hours; return himself to a sitting position; and examine the comatose audience in bewilderment and consternation.
  5. Keep your poem a PG-rating or lower, if you please.

You have till 8:00 a.m. MST next Friday (March 22) to submit a poem.

If you are shy, use the form. Leave me a comment saying that you did as well, then I will be able to tell you whether I received it.

If not, and for a more social experience, include your poem or a link to it in the comments.

Have fun!

 

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Photo credit:
Image by Kai Trulsen from Pixabay

Bio-Enrichment

“Whatcha got in your lunch, Bi890?”

“Nothin.'”

“C’mon. got plain ol’ Wondermeat again. You can’t have anything worse than that.”

…*Sigh*

“Hey, humanoids! What’s for lunch?!”

Greets, Bi880. I’ve got Wondermeat again.”

“Too mortal, Bi896! My parental unit sent me One Smart Cookie!”

No way!

“So future!”

know. Pretty spaced, yeah? …So, whatch you got, 890?”

“He won’t say.”

“Why not?”

“I just don’ wanna.”

“We won’ tell.”

“Sures. C’mon, ‘noid.”

*Sigh* “Homemade chicken noodle soup again.”

“What?! No way!”

“What is that stuff?”

*Sigh*

“It’s okay, 890.”

“Yeah, ‘noid. -not all parental units know what’s good for ya.”

sara-dubler-648805-unsplash

 

A futuristic conversation about enrichment bio-engineered for Carrot Ranch‘s prompt:

January 10, 2019, prompt: In 99 words (no more, no less) write a story that includes the idea of enrichment. Use many of its different manifestations or explore reasons why it matters to the character. Go where the prompt leads.

Respond by January 15, 2019. Use the comment section below to share, read and be social. You may leave a link, pingback or story in the comments. If you want to be published in the weekly collection, please use the form.  Rules & Guidelines.

 

Photo Credit:
Sara Dubler

Oh My Flippin’ Heck!

Lately, I’ve been thinking about swearing in literature. I’m concerned about whether the exclusion of cussing in my written words might be seen as inauthentic or inaccurate.

As writers, we need to convince our audience that a scene happens. The characters are real, even if they can conjure a blue flame or fly on a dragon. The character conversations also need to sound humanoid so that readers follow it.

You may be wondering what the big deal is, since I probably talk or listen to talking all the time. Right? Well, the ‘big deal’ is that I am not around a lot of colorful language. A lesser-known fact about the LDS peoples I am part of is that they/we don’t swear. I kid you not.

In overhearing a group of teenagers at McDonald’s the other day, I heard plenty of, “I know right”‘s and “What the heck?”s but nothing stronger.

My children will sometimes pop out a, “Holy crap!” (surely picked up from their father), and said paternal figure sometimes gives me a reprimanding look.

When I type or say, “Gosh dang it!” I really say it. There was even a point in my life at which I could count on one hand the number of times I swore. Then I turned 15….

In my mind, I take the high road. Classic literature and timeless works also do not contain much in the way of low-class utterances (Mark Twain aside), particularly those aimed at the children’s market. The books I enjoy most have little cursing, plus only allusions to sex or violence instead of First-Person Agony.

Do you, the other writers out there, feel swearing is necessary? Can two people have an adult conversation without it?

 

Think about it and let me know. Meanwhile, here is my Week in Review:
Wednesday, November 21: The Truth About the Holidays, my crotchety old lady post, plus a weekly review.
Thursday, November 22: Happy Thanksgiving!
Friday, November 23: Winner of The Second Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest announced. Congratulations, Babbitman.
Saturday, November 24: Beginning of The Third Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest (please enter!).
Also, Everyone Feels This Way?, a ‘poem’ about social anxiety.
Sunday, November 25: Re-blogged the announcement about Susanna Leonard Hill’s children’s holiday story contest.
Monday, November 26: Wilhelmina Winters, Seventy-Three,
and Don’t Look a Gift Horse in the Price Tag over at my motherhood site.
Tuesday, November 27: Inspirational Quote by Stephen Black. He’s a mean old miser humble, inspired person who is mean mean mean has great thoughts and observations.
Wednesday, November 28: This post. 🙂

Good Talk

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“Ya know, there’s just something I kind of think’s concerning about that boy, Honey…”

Gabi waited for her mother’s usual hedging manner. She pulled a fitted sheet from the laundry basket and wadded it into a fold, of sorts.

“That’s not to say I have anything against him. I think that shows real responsibility to buy a car the way he did and drive it.” Her mother absently pulled the lumpy sheet from Gabi’s side and re-folded it by its elastic corners. “Not to mention him driving you places like that. Shows a dedication and affection and such.”

Sighing, Gabi pulled a more-harmless pillowcase from the freshly laundered pile and flopped it into a square. It was passable. She decided she could chance another, and withdrew a green one. Then, a yellow.

“Mind you, boys and girls didn’t just climb into one another’s cars like that when I was your age,” her mother said. She pulled Gabi’s completed pile over to hers, straightening its wrinkles as she spoke. “Oh, sometimes a boy’s parents had a bit more to go around than others and he got his own vehicle.” She leaned forward conspiratorially to Gabi; added, “They often regretted it once there were accidents -which, accidents will happen, especially when parents encourage that sort of irresponsible behavior, spoiling a teenager like that…”

Amused, Gabi watched her mother’s train of thought derail slightly at the sight of her neatly finished laundry pile, ready for the cupboard. Gabi rose, scooping the bedding recklessly. She was rewarded with an audible cringe. Pretending ignorance, Gabi put them away and returned to the laundry, and lecture.

“Gabi,” her mother began, but left the name hanging without resolution. They started on the socks.

A blaring *HONK* sounded from outside. An entire second passed before another *HONK* *HONK* backed up the first.

Gabi dropped her unmatched socks. She scrambled to her feet and over to the entry table. Another impatient car noise called from the driveway as Gabi picked up her phone and house key.

“See, dear? That’s just the sort of problem I -”

“‘Bye, mom,” Gabi cut in, coming back and pecking her mother affectionately on the cheek. A few steps and a shuffle into sandals later, and she’d successfully gotten out the door.

“Hey, Babe,” Gabi’s boyfriend, Mike, said once Gabi was seated next to him. He put his arm around her seat to watch behind them as he backed the car down her long driveway. “What took so long?”

“Oh, nothing,” Gabi said. “Mom and I were just having a talk.”

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