It’s the week before Halloween here in the United States! Let’s look to amuse with some boo’s!
Here are the spooky specifics:
Our Theme is What’s behind the mask? Did two socially-distanced first-daters face a nasty surprise? Perhaps the Phantom of the Opera revealed an embarrassing birthmark? You decide, and you write a poem about it!
Keep the Length manageable, at between 3 and 153 words.
Rhyme if your crystal ball tells you to, but don’t if it’s not in the cards.
There’s no need for tricks regarding Rating. You can scare your victims readers and keep things clean.
However you choose to cast your spell, my dear, ensure your Halloween brew is brimming with humor.
You have till 10:00 a.m. MST next Friday (October 30) to submit a poem.
Use the magic form, below, to remain anonymous for a week.
Otherwise, include your spellbook poem or a link to it in the comments. Drop a comment or conjuring crystal if your link-back doesn’t show up by midnight of when you cast it.
Phew! What a challenge! This week, poets needed to compose a diamante about a diamond-seeker; a swindler; a gold-digger. When I wrote up the prompt, I didn’t consider how DIFFICULT answering it might be. So, understandably, these entries were more clever and interesting than they were humorous.
But, the winner is:
Untitled, by Teleportingweena gold shiny rich dig find shout pan stream nugget money hop skip jump heavy metal miner
Congratulations, Weena! You are the funniest poet for the week! I found this poem so entertaining because you answered the prompt literally. Very funny idea.
You’d do yourself a disservice to not read all the fabulous entries. Here they are:
Untitled, by Richmond Road Morning Soft Sweet Waking Shaking Beginning Birds Bees Flowers Trees Breathtaking Remaking Forgiving Victorious Glorious Day
Untitled, by Ruth Blogs Here User Needy, greedy Desires, conspires, covets Meal-ticket gold-digger Pretends, discards, repeats Serially, imperiously Fake
Untitled, by D. Wallace Peach Youth Luxurious addictive Fawning fooling pleasing Days week years boredom Reconsidered discarded replaced Younger other Woman
Welcome, one and all, to the A Mused Poetry Contest! Come, tickle your funny bone or leave us in stitches!
Here are the instructions for this week:
The Theme is a Diamante poem about gold-diggers. Get it? Diamante is like diamonds? …Tell me you got it.
I just learned about this poetic form from snooping around Ruth’s blog. Apparently, it’s a very easy, straightforward poem of sixteen words. You can write a synonym diamante or an antonym diamante. The words form a diamond, in the pattern of:
This form does not Rhyme, but you can if you really, really want to.
Keep the RatingPG or cleaner. I mean, why not?
However you form it, make us laugh. Make us feel for the gold-digger, for his/her target, or for the gold that was dug.
You have till 10:00 a.m. MST next Friday (October 23) to submit a poem.
Use the form below to stay anonymous for a week.
Otherwise, for a more social experience, include your poem or a link to it in the comments. Drop a comment if you try to link back and it doesn’t show up within a day.
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Indulge yourselves!
Photo by emre keshavarz on Pexels.com. Never trust the man bun.
Ah, the classic comeuppance due to the deserving braggart; the fall after the pride; the karma to one’s hubris -this was the theme for this week’s amusing writers.
Only one rose above the rest to claim the dubious honor of funniest, and that was:
Untitled, by D. Wallace Peach When the fireworks failed to ignite The smoker asked for a light With a big inhale The swaggering male Set off to light up the night
He applied his cig without care Smug when the fuse caught and flared An arrogant rube He peered down the tube And the night lit up with his hair
Congratulations, D. Wallace! You are the funniest poet for the week! I would be outright lying if I didn’t say that several of these poems made me laugh out loud. The illustrious Madame Peach’s poem won for her hilarious imagery, excellent vocabulary, and humorous take on the prompt.
I really did enjoy all of these. I hope you do as well:
Untitled, by Frank Hubeny While waiting to win the award I got tired. The judges got bored. They forgot to choose me. Did they look? Did they see? Well, they looked, then I looked how I scored.
Untitled, by Deb Whittam Debbie went for a run She boasted that it was fun But she didn’t expect to slip on a bun And pull a ligament in her bum
Untitled, by Trent McDonald Stan sniffed as people froze in fear And strode right by, nose in the air His haughtiness so keen That the dragon wasn’t seen So he walked straight into the lair
Untitled, by Trent McDonald Bob laughed at the custodian, Jed Because of the things that he said “Be careful in the mill For those machines can kill!” Not listening, Bob lost his head
Untitled, by Dumbestblogger At carnivals the rides are fine But games are really quite sublime Fred sent the ball full eight feet high Joe laughed and said “I’ll make it nine!” He picked the hammer up with glee Missed the lever, hit his spleen He aimed to send the ball up nine Now six feet under Joe does lie
A Slight Misunderstanding, by Writerinretrospect “I’m sure we can survive it,” Said the vampire to his friend; “Oh, no,” the friend replied, “I’d rather stay undead.” “It’s not that far,” Came the reply, “There’s no reason to quake.” And so across the street the dyslexic went To find himself a steak.
Route One, by Obbverse He finally staggered triumphantly atop Mount Everest Exhausted but immensely proud of his sky high climb, Standing back to take in the view and a moments rest He went from pinnacle to Ground Zero in record time.
Billy, by Hobbo Billy bighead, a bit of a boaster Invented the world’s largest toaster One day he fell in it And in less than a minute His head was as flat as a coaster.
An Untitled (for reasons unknown) Limerick, by Michael Fishman This handsome young man was in love, well not totally, but kinda sort of. He kneeled down to propose, something tickled his nose, and he blew boogers on her from below and above.
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Thanks for playing!! Return tomorrow for next week’s prompt.
D., here’s a badge for you to use on your site. Congratulations!
I’ve always known it as Kennecott Copper Mine, an alliteration only matched by Kennecott Copper Corporation and Utah Copper Corporation at Copperton.
Tongue twisters aside, this pit is ENORMOUS. Dump trucks built for a giant’s playthings trundle down into the 0.75 mile-deep hole in order to excavate (still) “450,000 short tons (400,000 long tons; 410,000 t) of material” daily (Wikipedia). DAILY!
Back when I was a child, I went to the visitor’s center with a day care class. I remember being able to fit our group into a tire from one of those dump trucks they had on display, and remember the fear of standing so near the edge of so deep a drop.
Kevin and I took our boys there a while back. We watched an interesting video about mineral extraction and processing. Like, did you know Bingham Canyon Mine is a ginormous pit because the copper exists as porphyry copper deposits? They have to dig up the dirt, sift through it, burn it, chemical it, burn it again, and send it off to buyers.
At the end, they have 99.99-percent-pure copper. They also have gold, silver, molybdenum, and by-product sulfuric acid. I’ve never learned so much about metallurgy in my life!
Like with all manufacturing, however, mine operations have not been great for the environment. Sifting ponds, runoff, and waste materials have contaminated the Salt Lake Valley’s groundwater. Chemicals released from processing damaged the health of nearby residents, historically. And, it’s kind-of difficult to ignore the fact that they’ve literally changed the landscape of that area -not just with the pit, but with what was in the pit:
Seriously, though, the Kennecott Copper Mine is worth a gander if you’ve the time. It’s a short, 36-minute drive from Salt Lake International Airport to the visitor center. We went before they had a landslide in 2013; you can purchase interesting rocks!
Photo by Jim Witkowski on Unsplash. This is an old processing area, on the way to Tooele.
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On that note, here are the things I posted over the last week:
Greetings, poets! Ready to laugh? You’re in the right place!
These are the specifics:
What could possibly be funnier than accident by hubris? The inevitable fall because of overconfident pride? The trip of the boastful athlete? The …well, you get it.
I don’t want Length to interfere with your style, but I recommend short, sweet, and snappy. A limerick might be perfect.
Rhyming’s up to you and your form.
Keep the RatingPG or cleaner.
With the tragic fall comes the chance for tears, so be sure we’re laughing as our hero fails. I also request, if you choose political, that you do not stoop to personal insults -remember that everyone is someone’s son or daughter.
You have till 10:00 a.m. MST next Friday (October 16) to submit a poem.
Use the form below to stay anonymous for a week.
Otherwise, for a more social experience, include your poem or a link to it in the comments. Drop a comment if you try to link back and it doesn’t show up within a day.
Just in time for Halloween, this week’s challenge was to write the wittiest message inside your next anniversary card. So, who wrote the wittiest?
Unaltered By Time, by Michael B. Fishman 148,920 hours since we said, “I do”, and honey, baby, I still love you.
You always fight fair, you sometimes let me win. And who really cares if you’re no longer thin?
You’re the mother of my children and one day you’ll agree, that it’s probably a good thing that the kids look like me.
You’re the one and only entry in my little black book, and it’s never been a problem that you really can’t cook.
Your eyes are as bright as that very first day, and it doesn’t bother me that your hair is all gray.
All these years later, and I happy I met ‘ya? Every minute, every day, oh sweetheart, you betcha.
Congratulations, Fishman, on a-musing me! You won for the clever, terrible, almost-sweet mentions to your sweetheart.
Others went a similar direction. Others, still, went farther for a good laugh. Read and enjoy:
Untitled, by Trent McDonald Happy Anniversary! (Only 4 days late) Did I tell you today That you look great!?
And can you believe It’s been 10 years? So full of smiles (And full of tears…) I remember that day Oh so very well (A party the night before, I still felt like Hell.)
But you were beautiful In your gown and vail But my hung-over mind Was only thinking of some tai..(BLEEP! – sorry, keeping it PG 😉 )
But overall it was A day from Heaven Even if the rings were forgotten By my best man, Kevin
And since that best of days When you were made my wife I’ve counted my blessings So thankful that you are in my life!
(Did I make it up to you With my poetry? Will you please unlock the door And perhaps forgive me?)
Untitled, by Jon Dear, Oh dear, Another year! Let me be clear: I want to share, as many as you dare!
An Anniversary Messsage, by H.R.R. Gorman They say marriage is about sparks, About that someone who in the dark Sets your mind and loins aflame. But isn’t that meager? Lame?
I’ve learned in this blissful year That’s it’s more like cracking a beer Open and accepting farts Are made by those with good hearts.
So while I take a hot shower, You grunt on the throne with power. It’s the sign of your loving care That you keep pooping and don’t stare.
Happy Anniversary!
Untitled, by Hobbo Married now for fifty year And I still think you’re hot So, love is in the air, my dear When you say,”Yes. Why not?”
Aunty Jess, by Mister Bump To write this prompt, it wasn’t hard, I hardly ever send a card. My family is very scant, Except down under, have an aunt.
Another aunt in Lancashire, She’s eighty now, delightful dear, Her birthday now is round about, I’d better pull my finger out!
The card’s awaiting me to send, My missus made it last weekend, Better than I could have bought, But to the message, gave no thought.
No flow’ry message was supplied, Just “Happy Birthday” stamped inside, As long as there’s no writer’s cramp, All I’m waiting for’s a stamp.
Must keep my cool, not overkeen, Her birthday’s not ’til Hallowe’en, By then must break out from my bubble, If card is late, I’ll be in trouble!
Untitled, by Deb Whittam Roses are red Violets are blue We’ve grown old together What are we going to do?
Hard of hearing, You snore, I fart, Thirty years together It’s way too late to part
Always on the cards, by Over Soil Last second writing “All my love” so cursory, Time and again made us forget each anniversary, For us, protecting trees was always on the cards, So what better than a trip to a nearby plant nursery.
Untitled, by Ellen Best I love your beard … when its not there. And the shine … that’s not hair. The way that you snore sounded sweet Well until, the first time it woke me from sleep.
I love the ring in your nose The way you bite at your toes Because you can’t be arsed, to get the clippers off the shelf.
I like all the things that you do, But you never bag the dogs poo. Now that might make me mad, just a bit. I am glad we got wed, Though you spent a week in bed Because of jet lag As I recall you to say.
Romance is not dead We’ll have adventures you said, So we married on a beach in the bay Even the bomb squad didn’t ruin our day.
The Jordan River Parkway is pretty neat. -Not neat like ice castles or natural rock arches, but still neat. It’s a trail that runs nearly 50 miles; so, if you wished, you could start at Utah Lake* and walk till you reached the northwest bend of Salt Lake City proper.
In fact, the trail doesn’t end in some random drop-off in Salt Lake. It becomes the Legacy Parkway Trail and continues on…
Pretty impressive.
Like with some other destinations I’ve mentioned, I’ve been to the Jordan River Parkway Trail. The funny thing is that I took the kids there, in either West Jordan or South Jordan (who named two cities that, anyway?), in order to go to a park. I only knew about the trail being there, not 20+ miles to either side of there!
Look at all I’m learning about my home state!
But that brings up another neat aspect of the trail: there are destinations like parks, access points, and BATHROOMS along it. The only downside I see is that the route travels through the flat, less-scenic, sometimes-hazy and/or gnat-infested areas of the Salt Lake Valley. Legacy Parkway is especially buggy since it skirts marshes and wetlands.
Still, a short or long stroll wouldn’t hurt. There’s a parking lot about ten minutes due East from the airport on I-80. From there, who knows where you’ll go?
Welcome, one and all, to the A Mused Poetry Contest! We are very serious about humor here.
These are the specifics for this week:
At Ellen’s suggestion, the Theme is the wittiest message inside your next anniversary card. (And, coincidentally, happy anniversary to her and her husband!)
The Length needs to be short and sweet and easy on the ink. Let’s keep it under 122.5 words.
Rhymes are a popular and catchy way to sell greeting cards, but it’s not a requirement for this contest.
The Rating can be PG-13 or cleaner (please avoid cussing).
The years have been kind to your sweetheart …or, maybe not. Either way, make him/her laugh. They’ve put up with you this long, after all…
You have till 10:00 a.m. MST next Friday (October 9) to submit a poem.
Use the form below to stay anonymous for a week.
Otherwise, for a more social experience, include your poem or a link to it in the comments. Drop a comment if you try to link back and it doesn’t show up within a day.
I asked poets to pen a funny commercial. And the one who did so the best was:
Try our Thanksgiving Stuffing, by Bruce We’re plucking the turkey in preparation for Thanksgiving. Pluck the turkey! Pluck the turkey! Sing as you pluck, O my three children! I just wish the turkey would keep still.
We’re stuffing the turkey in preparation for Thanksgiving. Stuff the turkey! Stuff the turkey! Sing as you stuff, O my three children! I just wish we’d taken the guts out first.
We’re roasting the turkey in preparation for Thanksgiving. Roast the turkey! Roast the turkey! Sing as you roast, O my two children!
Well, just shut up and pretend it’s a turkey.
Congratulations, Bruce, on being the funniest poet of the week! I selected his poem for its dark, clever humor. Well done, and -well- awful.
His had at least a few contenders as I snickered my way through reading. See for yourself:
Untitled, by Trent McDonald Hey Mom and Dad! Don’t be sad For we have the newest kiddy fad!
You know the toy A plastic bit of joy Wanted by every girl and boy?
You need a pair But they are dear And you can’t find ‘em anywhere
A rumor of a stash Causes teeth to gnash And a million parents show up in a flash
Stand in a line Hope for a find But the last sold at nine
Well, come in a trice We have some, that’s nice, And are only charging ten times the price!
So, don’t take a nap Came ay-sap And buy some grossly overpriced crap!
Perkup: turns molehills into mountains, by Geoff LePard Are you flaccid and sad? Perkup will make glad
Lost your youthful zeal? Perkup makes your dreams real
Confidence taken a dent? Take Perkup and turn the smallest event With the help of our latest fix Into your very own Grand Prix!
Hey Hottie, by Matt Snyder Hey Hottie How’s it Hanging ? Halitosis, she says and hurries away
How many times has this happened to you Horny Harry ? Have a swig of Herman’s Halitosis Herbal Mouthwash
And try again
Hey Hottie How’s it hanging ? Hot and heavy Horny Harry
Untitled, by DumbestBlogger Help! I’m being eaten by alligators! Good thing I have Flex-Seal! I’m going to make an alligator proof cage with it! It sets up instantly! It’s amazing! Oops! The pirhannas were a little bit fast!
Untitled, by Willowdot Book now Before it’s too late Trip of a lifetime Heaven can’t wait.
Masks are provided You must stay in your seat Can’t use the loo And there’s nothing to eat.
The duration is a fortnight But might stretch to a month Quarantine darlings Read the small print in the bunff.
I’m Rona fly me!
Untitled, by Deb Whittam Eyes glued to the box, There’s drama to be seen. Then it happens at the climax, How can they be so mean? Time is limited, One and a half minutes to be exact. Then the commercials will be over, Quick, it’s time to act. He puts the kettle on, As I scurry down the hall. So quickly, that I nearly skid, And take a dramatic fall. Teas brewing, he hollers, As theme music begins to play. Frustrated I curse, Why is the loo so far away? As voices sound I don’t have time to flush, It will just have to wait. The next bit will be dramatic, I don’t want to be too late. As I scurry to my seat, He sighs in disbelief, Another set of ads eight minutes away, The tea will be ready then, what a relief.
Untitled, by Hobbo A funeral plan, the ad man said Is necessary, a must To pay expenses when I’m dead When dust returns to dust.
I listened well, did not dismiss But what a paradox When all life’s labours come to this I’ve paid for my own box.
Ouch!, by Fishman Sticks and stones won’t break your bones? Ever been hit in the head with a rock or a club?
If you have, stop on into the Slowpoke Skull Center.
At the door we’ll meet’cha And then we’ll treat’cha And we’ll all be wearing masks.
And for safety we all wear gloves! well, kinda sort of, we’re still waiting for a delivery from our vendor.
And if you do like being hit in the head with a rock then we have doctors at the Slowpoke Psychiatric Center standing by. Just enter the door on the left.
If you’re dizzy and your visions blurry – Don’t worry. Just wave and we’ll come and get ‘ya in a hurry.
So, my dear head hurtin’ friend; stop tiptoeing through the minefield of concussions, come on in and we’ll have a discussion. We’ll get rid of that pounding percussion and that pain you can just start aflushin’.
Evening and weekend appointments available.
Twinkle Twinkle Body Hair, by Ruth Scribbles Do I have a deal for you –
It’s not for your hose It’s not for your shoe It’s for your eyebrows And even your nose
All of those hairs Looking to escape Need to be trimmed Make no mistake
They say that the Twinkle* Is quite easy to use Just stick it up in there No need for abuse
No need to worry That clumping of hair Will soon start to scurry No more hair up in there
Your nostrils are now Totally denuded Thank you dear Twinkle* I’m no more secluded
no batteries included. keep out of reach of children. don’t use on your pets.
*this product is real. order right now to get your nostrils clean as a whistle.
Permanent Vacation (To be breathily intoned by some honey-voiced ingenue in a pursers uniform?), by Obbverse ‘When vacation time rolls around Don’t stay safe and home bound, Let us wash all life’s cares away On a Sunny Cruise ship holiday.’
‘Our crew is here, at your pleasure To make your cruise a life of leisure, Every last desire the crew anticipates, Once you’re on board, Paradise awaits.’
‘If it’s high spirits you enjoy sinking We set the bar when it comes to drinking, And it’s always happy hour on the high seas, Plus, our rock bottom prices are sure to please.’
‘Enjoy our fine company and our finer buffet, And it’s All You Can Eat, so go re-stack your tray, An endless smorgasbord, go and recharge your cup, Finally, our rich desserts- customers always bring it up.’
‘However, should we sail into covid nineteen We DON’T demand everyone stay in quarantine, One dark night we’ll slip into some backwater port; To remain out here, all at sea- could be our last resort.’
Here is my advertisement for your perusal, by Ellen Best If, you have an Aunty, that makes up stories, Or, an uncle Ernie you despise, The ones that should know better, But fill the world with wicked Lies.
Buy them the under garments We sell, you really will get no better, They do what it says in the advert Down to the letter.
They will not make them look delightful Like a pretty Christmas sweater, Or turn them in to entrepreneurs Or the newest “Go getter.”
These under pants will make them Nicer, They will make them people to admire, Because these knickers will cure their Prepensity to be a liar. For, Our Pants, truly will, Catch On Fire!
Untitled, by Gary Cue the patriotic music and views of the White Cliffs of Dover
It’s time to sell Brexit to the masses, to buy into the dream, moreover
Just think of the future with our new brightly coloured passports
The fun of all those new travel checkpoints and long queues at the ports
The joy of telling our kids that we have taken away their right to free travel
Watch as our worker rights and environmental standards begin to unravel
Be happy as we sell the NHS to American Insurance Groups in the hope of a deal
Any deal as we cut ourselves adrift, is it time for chlorinated chicken to be revealed
Let’s not forget the rich brexit backers who for some reason have now moved abroad
Let’s be proud that now as a country we are free to rip up international accords
Enjoy the sight of all those companies now moving jobs away from our now free island
Yes remember those glossy Brexit adverts that told us to dream, smile and
Strangely failed to mention all the crap that is about to happen to our country
That’s the problem with adverts, they sell you stuff you don’t need, that’s speaking bluntly…..
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Thanks for playing!! Return tomorrow for next week’s prompt.
Bruce, here’s a badge for you to use on your site. Congratulations!
